Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Not sure which direction to take?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Not sure which direction to take?

    Hi,

    First timer here! I just need some general life advice. I have been with my girlfriend for about a year. We get along well and have a good relationship - we hardly ever argue or fight and click pretty well. By all accounts it is a happy relationship and she is without a doubt the best girlfriend I have had (and I have had a couple of bad ones!). I won't bother to list all her good qualities, and there are lots! I do love her and am attracted to her still.

    But I've been beginning to wonder if I am in love with her. Or whether this is it for me? See, I recently turned 29 and have basically been in a string of long term relationships since I was 18. I've barely had a year to myself for the last 10 years and I'm beginning to feel like I still have some single living to do (not just in terms of playing the field) but in terms of learning more about myself, self discovery - that type of thing! I feel like I spent the last 10 years focusing on my partner and not myself. Though I am happy with the direction my life is taking, when I imagine my future there are things I want to do that don't involve being tied down or with any person in particular.

    To complicate matters further, I have started lusting after other women profusely. Despite having a good sex life with my girlfriend! This one co-worker of mine particularly grabs my attention. We talk a lot at work as we work closely together and her accent drives me crazy. She recently asked me out and I am ashamed to say that it pained me to have to say 'no'. No I can't get her out of my head and I think about her constantly. I have a massive crush. Is this wrong of me to be feeling this way? I just feel bored and dissatisfied with things. I want some excitement and miss the thrill of the chase. I feel like I won't ever be ready to settle down with someone if I never get this out of my system. Or does this kind of feeling never go away for men? No wonder there are so many divorces and marriage is on the decline if so.

    I just don't want to make the wrong decision and unnecessarily hurt my girlfriend, but at the same time I don't want to be wasting her time. I do love and care about her, I'm just confused!

    Any advice?? Thanks for reading.

  • #2
    Re: Not sure which direction to take?

    .... and yet another just like all the others. Seems you were quite happy and not so "confused" until you met some skirt at work who makes your pickle tickle.

    "It pained you to say no" when Miss Skirt asked you out? You have a "massive crush?" Why don't you google two things and learn about:

    1) New Relationship Energy and how it cannot be maintained for any lenghly period of time so don't mistake lust and infatuation for love. Polyamourous couples thrive on "new relationship energy" in fact, I'd argue they are addicted to it and that is why they have more then one sexual partner and everyone withint their little "circle" is aware of the other.

    2) Limerence (read the wiki link its most informative) This is what I think you're going through with your "crush" more then likely. You need to stay away from her and not feed your limerence and infatuation. I think if you're going to leave your gf then you should not jump from one relationship into another if that is what you're complaining about in your opening lines. O.O

    YOU have to decide if your lust, limerence and new relationship energy (none of which will last for any length of time) is worth losing a girl that you say you love and who is a great girl.

    Take what you learn here about mature love and companionship with someone you are totally compatible with vs lust and infatuation and fooling yourself into thinking you need some kind of running around before you settle down, but please do not expect us to make your decision for you.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Not sure which direction to take?

      I've barely had a year to myself for the last 10 years and I'm beginning to feel like I still have some single living to do (not just in terms of playing the field)
      I have started lusting after other women profusely. Despite having a good sex life with my girlfriend!
      Really? Seriously?
      There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

      Comment

      Working...
      X