Sorry this is really long!
I really need advice quick before I explode!
I've been with this guy for 2 years. I love him.
My problem is that I feel like my boyfriend is really cheap in regards to me. I never thought money would be an issue when you were not married, but it has become a big one. He alway pays when we go out of course, but I feel like he should be helping me out in more ways. He doesnt buy big ticket items for me, we went on vacation and I had to pay 1/3 of it. Basically I have to pay my own way even though I struggle financially.
What really broke me down was what happened yesterday. I drove my car to his house so that he could look at my brakes...I was silly and thought that he was competent enough to fix them. Turns out he had to replace roters and brake pads in the back and he had to call over his friend for help. I of course did not mind buying all the parts, but then he told me if I could give his friend some money for labor....I was floored. I immediatly told him I could not believe that he was going to charge his own girlfriend. I was not expecting to fork over money for labor.
So he let me give his friend 28 dollars (its all I had after springing for the parts, in which at the store he watched me hand it to the cashier without even lifting a finger to help pay).
I feel like he's not a man. I mean, doesnt a man get embarassed that his woman has to pay for things herself? Its not like I ask him for anything. I just want him to offer to help! Even if I decline, he shows me he has something of a man inside him to even offer.
It was only AFTER I bought everything that he said if I didnt have the money he would have borrowed me money. He then asked me if I needed any money..which I declined. I figured he might have realized himself and felt guilty.
I know its not just me because of others people actions around me. My friends cannot believe that he actually didnt pay the whole vacation. Even when I was buying a laptop from my boss, he asked me why my boyfriend wasnt buying it, he said he would not think twice before buying it for his wife. Even my family mentions it..they wonder why I have to carry money when I go out with him, they ask 'doesnt he pay for you?' but maybe thats just an old-school hispanic thing, but I agree with it.
Now I know this will come up...I know we are not married, but how can I marry a guy and expect him to change? if he doesnt treat me like he would a wife while I'm his girlfriend, then what motivation would I have for marrying him?
And the thing is he complains sometimes that I never pay at restaurants or movies and that I never buy him things. Ok, one thing about him is that he is always buying me little presents, and I appreciate it, but its not things I need. What I need is help paying my tuition and medical bills, not a snuggie and a giant stuffed dog.
So even at this stage of our relationship the issue is money. We are not even living together.
Obviously its not just me, as he complains too. One last thing, is that I know that if I asked for help with some bills he would help me......but I shouldnt have to ask.
How do we cope with this?