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Graduating college, but I see a future with girl I just became better friends with

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  • Graduating college, but I see a future with girl I just became better friends with

    Hello,

    Here is some background

    I am a senior graduating in May
    She is a sophomore.
    We go to a small Division 2 school with 900 students (people know everything about one another, in peoples business etc) and I have a bad past reputation but I have since gotten more in shape and have stopped sleeping around everywhere.
    We are both student athletes and have known eachother for a year but didnt start becoming close and talking everyday until about a month ago or two ago.
    Both of us are single and don't want anything long term at the moment

    SO

    I was more close with her roomates over the last year (I had sex with her roomate last year, no one knows of this though since my roomate this year has feelings for that same roomate) We always hangout in group settings now the four of us and maybe a couple more hanging out drinking smoking etc. so over the last month or so have become much better friends. Everytime I see her in the halls we both have the biggest smiles on our faces. When we hangout or work together neither of us can stop laughing, its back and forth joke after joke. Our brains click on stuff where shell say something and I was thinking the exact same thing ans vice versa. Touch has been established, we make fun of eachother smile, joke, eat food and its always a good time.

    Lately, her roomate has been trying to avoid coming here because she doesnt want my roomate and doesnt want to lead him on. But i know that the girl i am interested in the one I vibe with likes hanging out and being around me.

    I am just trying to figure out what to do, I obviously really enjoy her company and she enjoys mine its very obvious and we snapchat and message every single day. The time I spend with her makes me think their could be more but I don't know how to approach it or what to say to just be short term hanging out and doin whatever till I graduate, but I could also see myself really liking this girl.

    Thanks!

  • #2
    gree2117 Since her roommate avoids coming to your place and it's awkward, then change the situation so you can meet the sophomore girl elsewhere. She doesn't have to meet at your place.

    Keep your friendship with her easy going, enjoy spending time together and allow this friendship to take its course naturally. Don't force it. You'll know when the timing is right and that's the time when both of you can discuss feelings for one another. For now, tread lightly though because you don't want to ruin a good friendship especially if she's leaning towards just a friendship and nothing serious such as a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. You don't want to scare her off by speaking too soon and then have her end her friendship with you or drift apart. Take it slow and don't rush things even if you continue to hang out together after you graduate. Seeing her will become less frequent since you won't be on campus anymore but you can still make it work if you're patient and not in a hurry. If you really like this girl, you will play your cards smart and wait. Congratulations on your upcoming graduation, gree2117. Job well done!

    Comment


    • #3
      Your header says you see a future with this girl but the entire body of your post doesn't say anything about what future you actually see with her.
      Would you please elaborate a bit on what you actually see with her?
      I cannot visualize what you're getting at.

      The reason I ask is because you're graduating. I'm not entirely sold on anything futuristic happening here as you'll have other priorities to deal with soon. If you both don't have anything to think about, I hope you've at least given it some thought (future schooling etc, work options, living accommodations and so on). I think you're holding up the mirror a bit too close and you're not seeing the bigger picture too clearly. If your instincts are to immediately dive into relationships or casual relationships, perhaps this is a good time to hack it and think about going about your life a little differently. I don't see anything wrong with spending time with each other as friends but you might want to look big picture first before working on the smaller details.
      Last edited by Rose Mosse; March 10th, 2019, 08:56 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
        Your header says you see a future with this girl but the entire body of your post doesn't say anything about what future you actually see with her.
        Would you please elaborate a bit on what you actually see with her?
        I cannot visualize what you're getting at.
        The chemistry we have with eachother is crazy. Like its hard to explain but we like get eachother can read eachothers minds sometimes. We have same sense of humor we laugh, we flirt. The problem is idk where I want and what to do since I am leaving. I am likely going to be going to grad school for two years about 7 hours away, when im done with that school shell be done at our current school. I am okay with wiaiting and being friends I don't wanna force it like OP said but I also feel like I am running out of time and want to explore this connection and chemistry as much as I can before I graduate. Hopefully that helps a bit more.

        Comment


        • #5
          [QUOTE=chanelle;n583481]gree2117 Since her roommate avoids coming to your place and it's awkward, then change the situation so you can meet the sophomore girl elsewhere. She doesn't have to meet at your place.

          Its hard because, she lives on campus so we cant drink or smoke at her dorm and I live off campus in an apartment with no restrictions. I have said she should come over without the roomate not that long ago and she agreed but it is still yet to happen.

          Thank you for the advice and kind words!

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by gree2117 View Post

            The chemistry we have with eachother is crazy. Like its hard to explain but we like get eachother can read eachothers minds sometimes. We have same sense of humor we laugh, we flirt. The problem is idk where I want and what to do since I am leaving. I am likely going to be going to grad school for two years about 7 hours away, when im done with that school shell be done at our current school. I am okay with wiaiting and being friends I don't wanna force it like OP said but I also feel like I am running out of time and want to explore this connection and chemistry as much as I can before I graduate. Hopefully that helps a bit more.
            gree2117 It's great that you enjoy good times together as friends should. Keep in mind that you need to be realistic about the future given that you'll be in grad school for 2 years and 7 hours away. Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, prolonged absences causes people to drift apart which is to be expected. It happens and it's all too common, unfortunately. "Running out of time to explore this connection and chemistry before you graduate" could very well only be temporary since you'll move on while she's only a sophomore remaining in college. Be practical. No sense diving into a relationship that won't endure due to inconvenience, hassle to travel back 'n forth and inevitable burnout. Be realistic due to the situation and logistics of it all. There are times when you need to be pragmatic and listen to your head instead of your heart with all due respect.

            It would be an entirely different scenario had you been closer in age, not graduating yet, remained on campus a few years longer at the same rate as her or at least remained local without grad school and not 7 hours away. That's a completely different situation. I could see it would be much easier to start a friendship and quite possibly blossom to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship because you'd see each other daily or frequently. Since this is not the case, it's a game changer and you have to think of both of your futures - - realistically.

            Comment


            • #7
              [QUOTE=gree2117;n583486]
              Originally posted by chanelle View Post
              gree2117 Since her roommate avoids coming to your place and it's awkward, then change the situation so you can meet the sophomore girl elsewhere. She doesn't have to meet at your place.

              Its hard because, she lives on campus so we cant drink or smoke at her dorm and I live off campus in an apartment with no restrictions. I have said she should come over without the roomate not that long ago and she agreed but it is still yet to happen.

              Thank you for the advice and kind words!
              So this girl you think you have a future with doesnít do anything other than drink and smoke?
              Asking her to do anything else is out of the question???
              You canít ask her out for lunch? Or if money is tight as a student (well you could take a day off drinking and smoking to save for lunch but anyway) , you canít ask her to do a free activity? Go for a walk in a nice area? Anything?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by chanelle View Post

                gree2117 It's great that you enjoy good times together as friends should. Keep in mind that you need to be realistic about the future given that you'll be in grad school for 2 years and 7 hours away. Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, prolonged absences causes people to drift apart which is to be expected. It happens and it's all too common, unfortunately. "Running out of time to explore this connection and chemistry before you graduate" could very well only be temporary since you'll move on while she's only a sophomore remaining in college. Be practical. No sense diving into a relationship that won't endure due to inconvenience, hassle to travel back 'n forth and inevitable burnout. Be realistic due to the situation and logistics of it all. There are times when you need to be pragmatic and listen to your head instead of your heart with all due respect.

                It would be an entirely different scenario had you been closer in age, not graduating yet, remained on campus a few years longer at the same rate as her or at least remained local without grad school and not 7 hours away. That's a completely different situation. I could see it would be much easier to start a friendship and quite possibly blossom to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship because you'd see each other daily or frequently. Since this is not the case, it's a game changer and you have to think of both of your futures - - realistically.
                Chanelle, your friend Rose has a different viewpoint on this as do I.

                The OPís ďfutureĒ that he is talking about is in the short term. Only.
                He said he is NOT looking for anything long term.
                Basically he is running out of time to have a fling with her. And that is what he is seeking to explore!

                He wants to check out this superficial chemistry. And see where that leads.
                The hitch is where to smoke and drink thatís convenient.

                Read the content first and foremost and also read between the lines.




                Comment


                • #9
                  So you see a future but not looking for anything long term? That doesn't make any sense. You are leaving and moving several hours away for 2 years. You said yourself you've gained a reputation for sleeping around so do you honestly think you can keep it in your pants for 2 years while you wait for her? I don't think you can. I'd just move on and let her have a life where she wont get hurt or spend her time worrying about what you are getting up to. You've enjoyed each others company and that's great, but i really don't think long distance is going to work in this case, especially if you are not looking for anything long term. Sorry.
                  Last edited by Dazed & Confused; March 11th, 2019, 06:15 AM.
                  I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                    Chanelle, your friend Rose has a different viewpoint on this as do I.

                    The OPís ďfutureĒ that he is talking about is in the short term. Only.
                    He said he is NOT looking for anything long term.
                    Basically he is running out of time to have a fling with her. And that is what he is seeking to explore!

                    He wants to check out this superficial chemistry. And see where that leads.
                    The hitch is where to smoke and drink thatís convenient.

                    Read the content first and foremost and also read between the lines.



                    I meant if friendship ends up starting something that he might want to prolong such as falling in love which happens "sometimes," (& not on purpose initially) it's best to just enjoy the friendship and good times as is. Also, keeping in mind that soon it will be splits-ville with his graduating soon (congrats!), grad school for 2 yrs and being 7 hrs apart. Friendship can endure. gree2117 Be truthful and honest about your future, enjoy good friendship and enjoy each others company. Keep it easy and joyful.

                    Yes, my nice friend Rose, I like her.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                      Chanelle, your friend Rose has a different viewpoint on this as do I.

                      The OPís ďfutureĒ that he is talking about is in the short term. Only.
                      He said he is NOT looking for anything long term.
                      Basically he is running out of time to have a fling with her. And that is what he is seeking to explore!

                      He wants to check out this superficial chemistry. And see where that leads.
                      The hitch is where to smoke and drink thatís convenient.

                      Read the content first and foremost and also read between the lines.




                      No I am not currently looking for something long term, but I also wouldnít rule it out if I felt really strong enough for her. It isnít superficial itís not just drinking and smoking, we play board games talk all day, cards. Drinking and smoking does happen a lot though but thatís always a good reason to hangout. I donít want to ask her out to ice cream or lunch or something like that because it will instantly change our scenario, and I donít know if thatís the best decision.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        [QUOTE=Maggiemay4791;n583491]
                        Originally posted by gree2117 View Post

                        So this girl you think you have a future with doesnít do anything other than drink and smoke?
                        Asking her to do anything else is out of the question???
                        You canít ask her out for lunch? Or if money is tight as a student (well you could take a day off drinking and smoking to save for lunch but anyway) , you canít ask her to do a free activity? Go for a walk in a nice area? Anything?
                        He said the roommate doesn't want to come to his place but that doesn't mean he can't have a nice friendship with the sophomore. By all means, I've already said to keep the friendship and enjoy good times together.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by gree2117 View Post


                          No I am not currently looking for something long term, but I also wouldnít rule it out if I felt really strong enough for her. It isnít superficial itís not just drinking and smoking, we play board games talk all day, cards. Drinking and smoking does happen a lot though but thatís always a good reason to hangout. I donít want to ask her out to ice cream or lunch or something like that because it will instantly change our scenario, and I donít know if thatís the best decision.
                          gree2117 That's what I thought you meant! Keep your friendship easy and natural. Follow her cue but also keep in mind about your parting ways due to being at different stages in life soon with your impending graduation (congrats!) while she's still in college, your grad school for 2 yrs and being 7 hrs apart in the near future. Be realistic regarding your future scenarios. That will be your best decision.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I'm a bit confused...I think I remember back to my final year in university undergrad and I went down to something like 110 lbs (the most ridiculous and unhealthy weight loss ever). I was running around and trying to get reference letters, advisors, different offices and approvals while also working, applying to graduate and completing both senior day and evening courses during the week. I was a bit young and finished two degrees at the same time so I had to satisfy the requirements for two departments simultaneously. On top of working on campus, I also volunteered with a human resources business faculty association and was enrolled in a mentorship program as a mentor to younger students and on call for issues. I was so busy I never had time to even sit down in the living room of the townhouse I was renting. The roommates I had complained all the time that they never saw me and they actually ate my food in the fridge because I wouldn't have time to eat the butter or eggs I left in there. The only time I really cared they ate my food was the one time I was randomly looking for the stick of butter. I was busy even leading up to the final year. I cannot imagine what you might want to do with her (or she with you) in your last two years of university or college. If you have so much time to yourself, I never knew what that felt like so I'm not sure I'm in the right place to help you. I'm more uncertain about your future, as you alluded to, and maybe now is a good idea to think about postgrad. You should have applied by now or gotten your reference letters or you should know the advisor you want for your MA or whichever program you're looking at. When is the application deadline for grad school (the one you were talking about two hours away)?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by gree2117 View Post


                              No I am not currently looking for something long term, but I also wouldnít rule it out if I felt really strong enough for her. It isnít superficial itís not just drinking and smoking, we play board games talk all day, cards. Drinking and smoking does happen a lot though but thatís always a good reason to hangout. I donít want to ask her out to ice cream or lunch or something like that because it will instantly change our scenario, and I donít know if thatís the best decision.
                              But tell me, could you go a whole two years without sex while you wait for her? Judging by your track record I would say its an impossibility. I'm not trying to being mean or anything, it just seems pointless perusing this girl for anything more than friendship.
                              I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                              Comment

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