Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Ghosted after perfect date

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Ghosted after perfect date

    So I met a girl about a month ago. I suppose we actually met several years ago, but we were both in relationships at the time. But I recently noticed she had broken up with her boyfriend, so I decided to make a move. Sheís a pretty awesome lady. Gorgeous, intelligent and funny. We had great chemistry from the start. We texted a bit and then met for drinks. Things went really well. We had a great connection and it became immediately clear that we were probably going to start dating. We texted constantly for a few weeks. There was a lot of flirting and I came on pretty strong, but she seemed receptive so I kept it up and there seemed to be an implication that we were going to become an item.

    Last weekend we went on our first real date. It went perfectly. We talked all night and it seemed like the start of something awesome. For the next two days after that we texted continuously and the flirting escalated. I became really hopeful about dating her. Then a couple days ago her interest seemed to suddenly diminish. I donít think I did anything wrong. But she became distant and started taking a long time to respond to my texts. Yesterday I sent a text asking if she wants to go out this weekend and she never even replied. I sent a text this morning saying ďmaybe I came on too strong, Iíll chill and give you some space,if you ever want to meet up you know how to reach meĒ and she never replied. I guess Iíll just move on and assume she met someone else. Itís a bit puzzling though. Everything was going perfect and it felt like we were falling for each other. Then suddenly she just ghosted me. I can see sheís been online but she hasnít even bothered to contact me. I feel pretty disappointed that things ended so suddenly, before we even had a chance to establish anything. But I definitely wonít be contacting her anymore. If she hits me up in a few days with an excuse about how she was ďbusyĒ Iíll just respond with some generic answer like ďno problem, Iíve been busy too. Hope to see you again soonĒ or some other rubbish like that. But I canít help feeling like itís a huge missed opportunity. We liked each other so much and everything was going great and then suddenly she just vanished. I donít know what to do. I guess all I can do is wait. If she offers a time to hangout then Iíll take her out again but otherwise I guess Iíll just assume she met someone else and move on with my life.

  • #2
    Not a missed opportunity but more like a bullet dodged.

    She had recently broken up with someone. You should have waited 6 months before contacting her if you were actually interested in establishing any relationship with her.

    She was on the rebound and would have been receptive to anyone that temporarily made her feel better about herself , attractive etc .

    Now that you chose to be that guy , she has regained some confidence to actually get over her break up , be single and get out into the dating world again.
    In future let some other guy be the comfort blanket and sit back and wait .

    Comment


    • #3
      I agree with Maggie. You were just a distraction during a shitty time in her life. She no longer needs that distraction so dont put your life on hold for someone like that.
      ​​​​​
      I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

      Comment


      • #4
        I guess I should have been more clear. She broke up with her boyfriend 5 months ago. I only noticed about a month ago that her status was ďsingleĒ so I reached out to her. I heard sheís dated a couple guys since the breakup but nothing serious
        Last edited by deadelvis; February 20th, 2019, 05:13 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Maybe give her a call and ask her where you stand. It's pretty shitty if her to treat you like that.
          I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

          Comment


          • #6
            deadelvis I'm sorry she ghosted and dumped you. I've known some people who find it easier to ignore permanently as opposed to explaining anything to you. They lack emotional intelligence (EQ) which is empathy. It's very cold behavior and unfortunately, the way of the world.

            In the future though, rethink. Perhaps, as you had admitted, you came on pretty strong and not every woman is receptive to that. Sure, she might go along with it but after thinking it over, she might've felt rushed. In the future, build solid friendship first which could take a long time and then see where the friendship takes you. Slow your pace otherwise you could scare her off. This way, the woman won't feel intimidated and less apt to run away. Haste makes waste.

            Comment


            • #7
              She just sent me a message. Something was wrong with her phone. Or at least thatís what she said. I think whatís really going on sheís already seeing another guy but she really likes me and I think sheís about to dump him but she wants to be sure about us before she ends things with him. Or something along those lines. Thereís definitely at least one other guy in the picture but our chemistry is amazing so Iím pretty confident sheís going to pick me. But itís difficult navigating these types of situations. What I really want to do is tell her that Iím crazy about her and I want us to be real couple. But obviously I canít do that since weíve never even kissed... Iím trying to take things slow but I can already feel myself falling head over heels

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by deadelvis View Post
                She just sent me a message. Something was wrong with her phone. Or at least thatís what she said. I think whatís really going on sheís already seeing another guy but she really likes me and I think sheís about to dump him but she wants to be sure about us before she ends things with him. Or something along those lines. Thereís definitely at least one other guy in the picture but our chemistry is amazing so Iím pretty confident sheís going to pick me. But itís difficult navigating these types of situations. What I really want to do is tell her that Iím crazy about her and I want us to be real couple. But obviously I canít do that since weíve never even kissed... Iím trying to take things slow but I can already feel myself falling head over heels
                What proof do you have that there is another guy? Sounds just like speculation on your part. You're building a picture of what you think is going on to make yourself feel better. I can guarantee that the 'something wrong with my phone' excuse is bullshit. It's the classic excuse. You said you still saw her online so she clearly has no issue with it. Your strong feelings for her is clouding your senses and you refuse to believe that she is not interested. Read what you wrote above because it sounds ridiculous and desperate. You need to wake up and realize what is really going on. She is not interested anymore.
                I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by deadelvis View Post
                  She just sent me a message. Something was wrong with her phone. Or at least thatís what she said. I think whatís really going on sheís already seeing another guy but she really likes me and I think sheís about to dump him but she wants to be sure about us before she ends things with him. Or something along those lines. Thereís definitely at least one other guy in the picture but our chemistry is amazing so Iím pretty confident sheís going to pick me. But itís difficult navigating these types of situations. What I really want to do is tell her that Iím crazy about her and I want us to be real couple. But obviously I canít do that since weíve never even kissed... Iím trying to take things slow but I can already feel myself falling head over heels
                  ďI can see sheís been online but she hasnít even bothered to contact meĒ

                  Clearly there was nothing wrong with her phone.
                  Why are you accepting that excuse?

                  As Dazed said you are speculating about another guy . You have no evidence of that .
                  So donít even take that into the equation.

                  What you do need to do is consider the facts.
                  That is , you had one date and then she ignored you.
                  We donít know why , we just know she did.
                  If she had apologised and said her grandfather died or something , then it might be ok to give her benefit of doubt.
                  But she didnít say that.
                  She said something was up with her phone , maybe something was , but she was still able to be online by some means and still didnít respond to you. She lied to you. Thatís a fact.

                  Bottom line is that she is NOT that into you.
                  She Likely is still using you as a safety net .

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Yeah I'm starting to get a pretty good picture of what's going on. I've been talking a lot with her best friend, who is dating one of my close friends.The girl I like (we'll call her M) has been dating other guys. She does really like me, she's made that clear to both me and her best friend and even mentioned it to some of our casual acquaintances. I did probably come on too strong but I guess I just wanted to make it clear that I'm really interested. I don't think I necessarily messed things up by coming on strong. We texted a lot initially but gradually the texts have become less frequent. Our first real date was pretty amazing. She had even suggested meeting up the following day and I agreed but I knew we'd both be too hungover to actually meet up. But its a good sign that she wanted to immediately meet up the next day. Now I'm going to pull back and see how she responds. I'll probably date some other girls and only contact M once per week to try to set up a date. No more texting back and forth all day. I'm certain she likes me but I'm also aware that she's talking to several other guys. She's gorgeous and has thousands of followers online so I understand there's a lot of competition. So now it's the game of making myself less available and keeping things brief when she texts me. If she feels like I'm slipping away it might motivate her to start setting dates. It feels like she's breadcrumbing me. But I don't really know. For a while it felt like I was leading the race, but now I feel like someone else has probably taken the lead, perhaps because I came on too strong. We're part of the same social group so it's not like she's going to just ghost me completely. I'll still see her around and I'm sure we'll still comment on each others facebook posts (we're both really funny) It's called "haunting". You basically ghost and keep liking their facebook posts... But it's definitely time to take a big step back. If our connection is as powerful as it seemed then she'll reach out and set another date. Otherwise I'll just move on and keep the door open in case things blow over with the other guy(s) and she decides to give me a shot. I gave her a hoodie last time. Hopefully every time she wears it she will think of me, but more likely some other dude is wearing it right now. lol

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      deadelvis Keep in mind that whenever you're needy and clingy, you are perceived as desperate and insecure and no one is attracted to an insecure person.

                      If you want to keep any and all relationships or friendships fresh and prevent them from growing stale, obsessive, tiresome and high-maintenance, you really need to back off and give people breathing room and space otherwise they feel smothered and suffocated.

                      Develop a life of your own outside relationships whether it's taking great care of your health (fitness), empathy for the disadvantaged, hobbies, intellectual pursuits or being your own person without another person or people needing to make you feel complete and whole. You become that draw and attraction simply by having your own life. You make yourself interesting and appealing because you're perceived as very secure and everyone is highly attracted to a secure person.

                      If you don't wish to be treated as a breadcrumb, then don't act like one. Be mysterious and not so available within seconds. Become more independent. Then instead of you doing the chasing, suddenly you'll garner attention you've been seeking.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        That is great advice. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I have a fun life with lots of friends and cool hobbies. I'm just going to try my best to forget about her. There's a hot younger girl I was hanging out with before I met M. I'll probably just start hanging out with her again and focus on my own life. When I met M I kinda blew off the younger girl, so maybe that's the best way to move on. I'm still a bit hesitant to sleep with anyone else because I do really like M and I don't want to mess things up with her. If she hears I'm banging this other girl again it could backfire and push her away

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          deadelvis I agree don't be obsessed with women or a woman. Develop your own life and do your own thing. Create a happy medium and balance in your life. Back off, have your own interests, make yourself interesting, create an aura of mystery due to not constantly being available and be a gentleman. Never be perceived as pushy, rushed, moving fast and creepy otherwise you'll be looked upon with great disdain. Be careful. Don't be a turnoff.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Your private life is your own business. Stop lowering your standards and expand your dating options.
                            I don't suggest you see the younger girl if she has any connections to M or the rest of your social circle.
                            Don't shit where you eat. Go for a walk.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by deadelvis View Post
                              That is great advice. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I have a fun life with lots of friends and cool hobbies. I'm just going to try my best to forget about her. There's a hot younger girl I was hanging out with before I met M. I'll probably just start hanging out with her again and focus on my own life. When I met M I kinda blew off the younger girl, so maybe that's the best way to move on. I'm still a bit hesitant to sleep with anyone else because I do really like M and I don't want to mess things up with her. If she hears I'm banging this other girl again it could backfire and push her away
                              You cant just use other girls to pass the time. That's a really shit thing of you to do. You blew her off and now you just want to pick her back up and use her again? What happens if M comes back? Are you just going to drop her again? What do you think that does to a woman's self worth? We're not here for assholes like you to pass the time until someone better comes along!

                              As for M, i think that ship has sailed. Did you ever think that maybe there was something about you she realized she didn't like? i.e coming on too strong. That's not really attractive to women you know. It's a bit of a deal breaker. The things you said that jump out at me the most is 'she's gorgeous' and 'she's been dating other guys'. if she is into as much as you think then why would she be dating other guys? Sounds like she's not looking for another relationship, just having fun with other guys. She's had her fun with you now she's having fun with others. She's knows that she is attractive and is clearly just enjoying the attention. Move on.
                              Last edited by Dazed & Confused; February 22nd, 2019, 04:48 AM.
                              I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X