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2 amazing dates and then text silence

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  • #16
    In early dating there should be no texting unless itís to schedule the next date. And itís normal for that to be a once weekly thing.
    Texting regularly in between is not a positive thing , itís basically you looking for reassurance that she is interested.
    You barely know each other and what is texting going to achieve? Nothing apart from you now know her day is going good! But you donít get to know her any better.

    In future , just loosely arrange when you can catch up next. Make that a week away at least and tell her you will call a few days beforehand to make arrangements. And yes call preferably over texting.
    You could exchange 300 texts with someone and still only share information youíd exchange in one hour with them in person.

    My sister has been with her husband 17 years and they have never once texted each other.
    You gotta love that!

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    • #17
      Not everyone is tied to their phones. Heck, I accidentally left my phone in my purse overnight, and would not have known if I had received a text until sometime the next day. And I don't bring my phone into the bathroom with me (that's just gross), so if I get a text while showering or in the bathroom, I would not know it. I've also missed texts because there was some delay in the cell phone company sending them through. Not sure why that would happen, but it has happened to me on more than one occasion, and has happened to my husband also. She may have also gone out for the day and forgotten to take her phone, or the phone was malfunctioning, or her battery died, or she was out of cell phone range, or she lost her phone. Or she had turned it off for the time being and forgot to turn it back on. That has happened to me on more than one occasion. I can't believe people jump to the conclusion right away that she is no longer interested if she doesn't respond to a text right away, or that she has minimal interest. If she doesn't respond to a text within a reasonable amount of time (24 hours), assume it's a phone problem and try to contact her some other way, such as through the dating website (if you had a good vibe on the last date that it was going well). If a few days go by and no response on either method, then assume she's probably not interested and move on.

      On another note, as to the frequency of contact, don't let several days go by with no contact. You want to keep her interest level up and keep her thinking about you, but not smother her or act too needy. A text every few days in the beginning, and a date once a week, seems like a normal pace to me.

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      • #18
        Hi everyone! Thank you for your support that this is not something I should really be worrying about. I will say, in response to the texting rules, that's not my thing. Nor is this idea that there's any set guidelines to the speed or frequency of dating. I'm older (42), I've been married, in a few serious relationships, and been on a good number of dates. My ex-wife and I were in a committed relationship from date one and we were married 14 years. I dated someone else for over 3 years and it took me about 3 months before I was ready to have the DTR talk. I've had people I've dated that I've not kissed until the 4th date and people that I've slept with on the 2nd date. I'm not an erratic person, each dynamic between two people is just different and asks for different sorts of timelines.

        In the case of this person, we spent 5 hours together on our first date (she later told me she had a 2 hour rule for all first dates, but then again, we get back to the idea that rules in dating don't always work out). She wanted to see me again soon and I wanted to see her, so she had dinner at my house the very next day. (Something I usually like to wait until date 4-5 for, just like she usually only gives someone 2 hours for a first date). Then we spent most of Friday together, hanging out all morning and early afternoon and then again after her work. Now we're going to spend Wednesday night and possibly Thursday night together too. So our 5th day together will be Valentine's day, which neither of us are into, but also, both of us want to spend with the other one.

        I'm chilling out on the texting thing because she always texts enough for us to make plans and is always the first one to ask "when can I see you again?" after a date and MaggieMay is right. We could text 300 times, but it's that time together that is, by far, the most important. So, until it becomes where she's not making those plans, I'm not going to worry about it. And, if that happens, I'll let it go and not follow up with any passive-aggressive texts like I suggested at the beginiing of this whole thread.

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        • #19
          So you prefer the passive role, where the woman does the initiating and texting and you don't? Doesn't seem too appealing to me, but to each his own. A lot of women are not into men who are too passive, and they prefer a guy who takes the initiative to contact her and plan the date.

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          • #20
            No, I actually usually initiate the texting. My point was that she shows enough interest when I'm with her (and very direct statements of interest too) and texts (just barely) enough to set up plans, that I'm going to try and not let how long she takes to text back worry me. For example: when I saw her, briefly, on this past Sunday early afternoon, we made plans to get together on Wednesday. Then, I texted her in the evening, saying it was good to see her and suggest what we could do on Wednesday. It's now been almost 24 hours and I've not heard back from that text, which had a direct question regarding plans (i.e. not just a "hey, how's your day going?" sort of thing). That said, in all previous instances, she's gotten back to me enough that we've been able to set up plans. But, truly, no more than that.

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            • #21
              You're just super paranoid. You have nothing to worry about. Just go with the flow and stop fretting.
              I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

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              • #22
                Originally posted by JohnSG77 View Post
                You're suppose to kiss her


                Never text a woman unless she texts you first. If she does, return short after waiting some


                Never text a woman unless she texts you first.



                1. you should not text back your 'availability', instead call and invite her at a specific place and time
                2. call her for the next date about 5-7 days later, NOT the next day. Why? So she thinks and wonders about you.



                Yes. So don't ask. Act as if you don't care. (even though you do)


                Ok she is strongly indicating that even when she initiates texting, she doesn't like to use it. And you replied back too soon. And you should call. Start a relationship of talking to her real voice. Tell her when you like someone you like to hear their real voice. When you call set a date and get off the phone. No chit-chat.


                Maybe, but you acted too eager in every respect. Set dates once a week. Don't text. Short calls to set a date. That's it. If you had done that, this would have turned out better.
                I'm sorry, but I just had to come here and point out that this is awful advice.

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                • #23
                  Hahaha! AM529, you are now my new favorite person here! You're right too, it's garbage advice. Any advice that treats women like some sort of video game you have to unlock the cheat code too or, worse, advocates a kind of negging, like John's does, should be ignored. (I definitely did).
                  For those who interested, the solution was that I just let it go about texting and would just call her if I wanted to talk or spend time with her and it worked. We saw each other a number of times this past week, plans to see each other this week, and it's been going great. We'll still occasionally text each other, but the vast majority of communication is in person or on the phone, It's actually all been progressing very fast (we had the "are we boyfriend/girlfriend" talk the other day and I met her friends at a birthday party this past weekend), but we've had open discussions about it and, though that's usually not how either of us operate (going so fast), we're both happy and comfortable with how things are going.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by am529 View Post

                    I'm sorry, but I just had to come here and point out that this is awful advice.
                    Id' be happy to discuss. My recommendations are advanced dating methods that appear the opposite of what most men think they should do. This method has the woman do the pursuing (which is why it's an advanced method). When she does make contact, he will reward her in some way, usually a date offer. Only the first dates are once a week. Dates are more often as feelings grow.

                    This method is very difficult for men to execute and most men will not try it, but this method allows the woman to invest in the building of the relationship, which makes for a deeper bond for her.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by JohnSG77 View Post

                      Id' be happy to discuss. My recommendations are advanced dating methods that appear the opposite of what most men think they should do. This method has the woman do the pursuing (which is why it's an advanced method). When she does make contact, he will reward her in some way, usually a date offer. Only the first dates are once a week. Dates are more often as feelings grow.

                      This method is very difficult for men to execute and most men will not try it, but this method allows the woman to invest in the building of the relationship, which makes for a deeper bond for her.
                      John, there are no rules or methods in dating. It is what it is. There is no certain expectations of what a man or a woman SHOULD do. Your views on dating seem a liitle outdated.
                      I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by JohnSG77 View Post

                        Id' be happy to discuss. My recommendations are advanced dating methods that appear the opposite of what most men think they should do. This method has the woman do the pursuing (which is why it's an advanced method). When she does make contact, he will reward her in some way, usually a date offer. Only the first dates are once a week. Dates are more often as feelings grow.

                        This method is very difficult for men to execute and most men will not try it, but this method allows the woman to invest in the building of the relationship, which makes for a deeper bond for her.
                        Yea, again, "advanced dating method" sounds like something out of a self help dating book, one definitely written by a guy. As Dazed & Confused mentioned, there are no set "rules" to dating. This advice is more likely to leave someone feeling like you're not interested in them. People develop deeper bonds with someone when they feel safe with that person, not because of having to chase them. I really hope, for your own dating life, this is not the path you are following.

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                        • #27
                          From what I have observed with people I know, and what both men and women have told me, the more attractive women are not so inclined to take on the role of pursuer in the relationship, at least in the beginning stages, as they have plenty of men willing to take the initiative. Those women who tend to be the greater initiator early on are the ones who don't have many options because they are the more plain Janes, so they realize they have to pursue if they want a boyfriend. If you men want the cream of the crop, you're going to have to take the initiative and pursue. It's a competition, whether you like it or not, and the guy who is being passive is not going to come out ahead. It's the more assertive, go getter man who will have the greater success.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by JohnSG77 View Post

                            Id' be happy to discuss. My recommendations are advanced dating methods that appear the opposite of what most men think they should do. This method has the woman do the pursuing (which is why it's an advanced method). When she does make contact, he will reward her in some way, usually a date offer. Only the first dates are once a week. Dates are more often as feelings grow.

                            This method is very difficult for men to execute and most men will not try it, but this method allows the woman to invest in the building of the relationship, which makes for a deeper bond for her.
                            "He will reward her in some way"

                            Jfc, you have some very demeaning views on inter gender relationships.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Mary View Post
                              From what I have observed with people I know, and what both men and women have told me, the more attractive women are not so inclined to take on the role of pursuer in the relationship, at least in the beginning stages, as they have plenty of men willing to take the initiative. Those women who tend to be the greater initiator early on are the ones who don't have many options because they are the more plain Janes, so they realize they have to pursue if they want a boyfriend. If you men want the cream of the crop, you're going to have to take the initiative and pursue. It's a competition, whether you like it or not, and the guy who is being passive is not going to come out ahead. It's the more assertive, go getter man who will have the greater success.
                              And from my own experiences, those "more attractive women" are also typically the ones not worth pursuing, because they are so full of themselves that they think just because they are "attractive" that they can treat people however tf they want.

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by am529 View Post

                                And from my own experiences, those "more attractive women" are also typically the ones not worth pursuing, because they are so full of themselves that they think just because they are "attractive" that they can treat people however tf they want.
                                So what you are saying is that attractive women are not worth pursuing, they are full of themselves, and they treat people like crap. Those are some pretty broad generalizations you are making, which don't have any validity. But go ahead, by all means, sit back and wait for this woman to call you. In the meantime, if she is desirable to other men and has a lot going for her, she'll be agreeing to a date for the weekend with Joe Blow who made the effort to call her and arrange the date, while you sit back playing your coy games.

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