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2 amazing dates and then text silence

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  • 2 amazing dates and then text silence

    So this past weekend I met someone for a date on Saturday. We met up at a local bar and, honestly, my hopes were not super high. She seemed nice enough on the dating app we met on, but not super engaged. But we’d matched on both Tinder and Bumble, so I figured that was worth a drink. So we went out and instantly hit it off. We ended up being at the bar for almost 5 hours. At the end, she told me she wanted to see me again and asked when I was available. My week is crazy, so I only had two days. One was Thursday and she couldn’t do that. So I paused and offered up my second free day, which was the very next day. To my surprise, she gave an enthusiastic “sure!”


    So, the very next day, she came to my house for dinner. It was great. We talked and then made out a bit and it seemed like we were going to sleep together. Then she stopped and said “look, I actually really like you and want to see more of you. And I think if we sleep together now, that may mess that up.” I told her I liked her too and and we made out some more and she left. Surprisingly, she didn’t give me a good night kiss. Instead we made tentative plans that I was supposed to cement when I checked my work calendar and she left. All in all, we spent almost 10 hours together over less than 2 days.

    I text her that night to ask the name of a band she’d mentioned a few times, so I could check them out. And said I had a great time. Nothing. The next afternoon (today), still nothing so I text with my availability this week to get together, even offering to play hooky a bit from my work with her because I had, for 10 hours, getting literally every signal in the book that things were going along wonderfully. Then nothing. It’s 8 hours later now, almost 24 since my first unanswered text and still radio silence. I’m planning on sending my final text tomorrow and the logical part of me says I should just say “Hope you have a good day!” And if I don’t hear back, assume I never will. But a large part of me wants to know what happened? Her signals were not vague or ambiguous. She said, flat out, “I like you and want to see more of you”. Would it be horribly needy to ask what happened, tomorrow, if I don’t hear anything?

  • #2
    do not text, call

    Comment


    • #3
      rdunsany Her actions speak louder than words. You can try calling. However, if she hadn't returned your texts by now, she doesn't want to resume contact with you. Therefore, you should take a hint and move forward without her. And, I wouldn't text a snarky remark such as: "Hope you have a good day!" Let it go and always be gracious and end it graciously. Have class. Don't be obnoxiously rude even if she ignores your texts. Two wrongs don't make a right.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

      Comment


      • #4
        Nothing happened !
        All you need to know is that right now she is not interested and she does not want to hear from you. Not even a “how was your day?”
        And in all honesty that would be a lame message to send anyway.
        Especially since she didn’t reply to a normal text.

        She might be on the rebound , pretending to be ok , she might be a fruit loop. Who knows?
        It was ONLY 1 meet and 1 date.

        Do nothing. Don’t text or call. The ball is in her court and I suspect she doesn’t want to play.
        Its nothing to do with you.

        Comment


        • #5
          You've told her your availability so the ball is now in her court as Maggie said. Give it some more time and if you don't hear anything for few days then leave it at that and move on. Don't badger with with texts.
          I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

          Comment


          • #6
            It's too early to tell what her reasons may be and you both don't know each other well enough. Let it go and don't ask what happened right now. If she does respond to you again or ask you when you are free and you are still willing to give it a shot, then meet up with her again and mention it in person. I don't recommend any of this type of "talk" being over the phone (not even a phonecall). It's far too personal and could be interpreted as an interrogation or cornering her. She may have other things going on or been seeing someone/have met someone else around the same time she met with you. It would be awkward if she told you the truth over the phone (and wasn't sure about the other person or her situation) or she would be lying over the phone. Have those conversations only in person when the mood is light and you're both laughing and enjoying yourselves or comfortable with each other.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you all for your advice, I really appreciate it! She did end up texting me today, after about a day of nothing, and suggested some times when she was available to get together. I replied back, suggesting a time and an event, and didn't hear back yet. It could be that she's busy, it could be that she's not into texting and she'll confirm closer to time, or it could be that she's not that into me and is just bread crumbing me. I do realize it's only been two dates, so neither owes the other anything really and she could disappear and it would be kinda sucky but nothing worth worrying about. I think I was just really frustrated. She told me, point blank, that she really liked me and would like to continue to see me, and seemed super smitten while she was here. I mean, I've (sadly) ghosted a bit before and been ghosted on and, in all cases, there were some other indicators that it was going to happen. In this case, every indication was that she was super into me. But yea, as someone said, maybe she's on the rebound, maybe she's a bit crazy, or maybe I am! who knows.

              Comment


              • #8
                Her flakiness and non-responsiveness are red flags either way. People do still take a shit and check their phones in the toilet/washroom if they have to. They still need to eat, catch a break or sleep for a couple of hours. I'd remain optimistic and give her a chance but don't be naive either. You'll eventually have to decide whether (even if she's a decent person) you can put up with her shoddy communication skills. I hope things improve and things do become clearer.

                Comment


                • #9
                  rdunsany Grow accustomed to being on call. If she eventually replies, then great and if not, then go about your own way with daily life. Don't hold your breath until she gets around to getting back to you via text. It's alarming she treats you with disrespect, telling you sweet nothings so you have great anticipation for your future with her while she leaves you hanging all the time. The real question here is are you fine with being strung along this way? Either you have to adjust to how she is or if it's intolerable for you, don't have a relationship / friendship with her because she's not going to change. Correspondence is not her forte.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by rdunsany View Post
                    Thank you all for your advice, I really appreciate it! She did end up texting me today, after about a day of nothing, and suggested some times when she was available to get together. I replied back, suggesting a time and an event, and didn't hear back yet. It could be that she's busy, it could be that she's not into texting and she'll confirm closer to time, or it could be that she's not that into me and is just bread crumbing me. I do realize it's only been two dates, so neither owes the other anything really and she could disappear and it would be kinda sucky but nothing worth worrying about. I think I was just really frustrated. She told me, point blank, that she really liked me and would like to continue to see me, and seemed super smitten while she was here. I mean, I've (sadly) ghosted a bit before and been ghosted on and, in all cases, there were some other indicators that it was going to happen. In this case, every indication was that she was super into me. But yea, as someone said, maybe she's on the rebound, maybe she's a bit crazy, or maybe I am! who knows.
                    Do you really think she is THAT busy that she cant reply to a text to someone she is interested in dating?

                    As Roses said she doesn’t shit???

                    Sorry but it sounds like you are second best to her.
                    Is that good enough for you?!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by rdunsany View Post
                      Thank you all for your advice, I really appreciate it! She did end up texting me today, after about a day of nothing, and suggested some times when she was available to get together. I replied back, suggesting a time and an event, and didn't hear back yet. It could be that she's busy, it could be that she's not into texting and she'll confirm closer to time, or it could be that she's not that into me and is just bread crumbing me. I do realize it's only been two dates, so neither owes the other anything really and she could disappear and it would be kinda sucky but nothing worth worrying about. I think I was just really frustrated. She told me, point blank, that she really liked me and would like to continue to see me, and seemed super smitten while she was here. I mean, I've (sadly) ghosted a bit before and been ghosted on and, in all cases, there were some other indicators that it was going to happen. In this case, every indication was that she was super into me. But yea, as someone said, maybe she's on the rebound, maybe she's a bit crazy, or maybe I am! who knows.
                      In all honesty you sound super paranoid. It was only a day. Does she work? Could be that she was working a really long shift? I think you're making too much out of it. Even if she is slowly ghosting you, don't judge her because you've done the same thing to others.
                      I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Surprisingly, she didn’t give me a good night kiss
                        You're suppose to kiss her

                        I text her that night to ask the name of a band she’d mentioned a few times, so I could check them out. And said I had a great time. Nothing.
                        Never text a woman unless she texts you first. If she does, return short after waiting some

                        The next afternoon (today), still nothing so I text with my availability this week...

                        Never text a woman unless she texts you first.

                        But a large part of me wants to know what happened?
                        1. you should not text back your 'availability', instead call and invite her at a specific place and time
                        2. call her for the next date about 5-7 days later, NOT the next day. Why? So she thinks and wonders about you.

                        Would it be horribly needy to ask what happened, tomorrow, if I don’t hear anything?
                        Yes. So don't ask. Act as if you don't care. (even though you do)

                        She did end up texting me today, after about a day of nothing, and suggested some times when she was available to get together. I replied back, suggesting a time and an event, and didn't hear back yet
                        Ok she is strongly indicating that even when she initiates texting, she doesn't like to use it. And you replied back too soon. And you should call. Start a relationship of talking to her real voice. Tell her when you like someone you like to hear their real voice. When you call set a date and get off the phone. No chit-chat.

                        In this case, every indication was that she was super into me
                        Maybe, but you acted too eager in every respect. Set dates once a week. Don't text. Short calls to set a date. That's it. If you had done that, this would have turned out better.
                        Last edited by JohnSG77; February 7th, 2019, 08:17 PM.

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                        • #13
                          I'd agree that you're being a tad paranoid and looking into her reply times a little too much. I was recently chatting to a guy via WhatsApp that I met on a dating app and as I'm currently studying and volunteering for two organisations I had a particularly busy week the week after we began talking. Whenever I didn't reply the same day that he had text me, the next morning he'd send a "Hope your x day is going well! " or "How's Friday going?" It annoyed me noooo end. I do not enjoy being prompted to reply to someone when it's barely been 24 hours and I'd had a long, shitty day. I stopped replying to the guy entirely after the third time he did it. Could be she feels the same and sending follow-up texts may come off as annoying, clingy and desperate. Take a chill pill and see how it goes.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hello all. Just an update: She replied back enough that we were able to set up plans and we did end up spending most of Friday together. She still is awful in replying to texts in even remotely a timely fashion (it usually takes at least 24 hours for her to reply). But, she is always eager to get together. When we spent most of the day together on Friday and she had to go to work, she wanted to see me after work. When we finished hanging out and both had to go home (separately), she wanted to know when next we could see each other. She takes the initiative on making sure we can see each other again. When we're together, she treats me like a boyfriend (not just someone she's dating): introducing me to friends, cuddling up close and talking about our days. being overall very familiar. I've decided to chill the hell out about the texts, though admittedly, it still bothers me a bit. When she's with me, there's no doubt she wants to be there. So I'm making assumptions not based on actions but inactions. I didn't talk to her about her texting on the last time we saw each other, though we did go over her relationship history, to make sure she wasn't just on the rebound or has a history of not committing, but I didn't see any red flags there. So, I get what people are saying: if she was interested, she would text. But it's hard to jive the lack of interest due to the low amount of texting with the high amount of involvement/interest when I do actually see her.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by rdunsany View Post
                              Hello all. Just an update: She replied back enough that we were able to set up plans and we did end up spending most of Friday together. She still is awful in replying to texts in even remotely a timely fashion (it usually takes at least 24 hours for her to reply). But, she is always eager to get together. When we spent most of the day together on Friday and she had to go to work, she wanted to see me after work. When we finished hanging out and both had to go home (separately), she wanted to know when next we could see each other. She takes the initiative on making sure we can see each other again. When we're together, she treats me like a boyfriend (not just someone she's dating): introducing me to friends, cuddling up close and talking about our days. being overall very familiar. I've decided to chill the hell out about the texts, though admittedly, it still bothers me a bit. When she's with me, there's no doubt she wants to be there. So I'm making assumptions not based on actions but inactions. I didn't talk to her about her texting on the last time we saw each other, though we did go over her relationship history, to make sure she wasn't just on the rebound or has a history of not committing, but I didn't see any red flags there. So, I get what people are saying: if she was interested, she would text. But it's hard to jive the lack of interest due to the low amount of texting with the high amount of involvement/interest when I do actually see her.
                              The fact she takes the initiative to see each other is very good. That's an advanced stage of dating that most guys don't get to. What you do now is let her initiate things at her pace. You have to be patient and you have to allow her to move at her pace. You've chilling on the texts and this will have a very positive effect. If you initiate texts it will push her away. In other words, pursuing her pushes her away. Guys have a hard time accepting that. She's already initiating when to meet. If she keeps falling for you, she'll want to see you more often, and when she does want that, then you'll see her more often at the pace she wants to be together, and that's it.

                              When together and she asks when she can see you again, then YOU pinpoint a date/time right then. Say it's this Friday at X place at 7pm. Then confirm that as you both leave. Then do NOT text ANYTHING, no confirmation, NOTHING, and show up at X place at 7pm.

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