Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Girlfriend Texting Behind My Back - Cheating?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Girlfriend Texting Behind My Back - Cheating?

    My girlfriend of 7 months who is 8yrs older than me have split up because I caught her Whatsapping a guy who she met on a dating website (where we met each other) recently and what turned from friendly chat, became sexting.

    It turns out she has saved his number all this time (why I don't know) as she says she is just 'friends' with him. I'd noticed his name in her phone months ago when she asked me to check her doctors surgery number and I asked who he was and she said that it was someone she )used to go to school with (which is a blatant lie!)

    She texted him first last week asking how he was and he replied saying fine etc which seemed innocent at first. Then he said that he had always wanted her and wanted to 'f*ck her so much'. She replied do you actually and how much do you want me?

    He knew she was with me because of her Whatsapp profile photo of the two of us.

    This sort of talk went on for a bit until he said 'do you want me?' and she replied 'just sex?' He said yeah, then she said to him 'can't rush it just now' and then he said so when are we gonna do it and she said 'not straight away.'

    I only unlocked her phone because I had a feeling/suspician that she was texting someone behind my back due to her Whatsapp last seen times changing very frequently (when she hardly used it prior to this other than to text me.)

    If I hadn't had unlocked her phone (which I know was wrong) then I don't think she would ever have told me that she was texting this guy. I caught her and she kept saying that I have crossed a line by doing this......a bit hypocritical since she first engaged in flirty/sexual texting and essentially emotionally cheated on me behind my back!

    She has said that I have betrayed her trust, which yes I have, but she in turn has done the same to me because she betrayed me first.

    I told her we are done and she didn't seem too bothered actually which shocked me. Her attitude was pretty much that she couldn't care less.

    Do you think I am wrong to have looked at her phone or was she wrong to have an emotional affair behind my back?

  • #2
    Going through someone's phone isn't right but you had good reason to. She was cheating. She's just pissed that she got caught so tried to turn it around on you. Good riddence to her I say.
    I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
      Going through someone's phone isn't right but you had good reason to. She was cheating. She's just pissed that she got caught so tried to turn it around on you. Good riddence to her I say.
      Thanks mate. Yeah I realize that I shouldn't have gone through her phone but I had absolute genuine reason to (she would never have admitted it otherwise!)

      You're right though, she is pissed off that she got caught and rather than admit what she did is deflecting the blame onto me...............unbelievable!!!

      Comment


      • #4
        Shows that she didn't give a shit about you. You're better off without someone as vindictive as her
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

        Comment


        • #5
          Depressed I agree with Dazed & Confused. You were both wrong. You for snooping into her cell and her for deceiving, betraying and lying to you. You two were not meant for each other and it was just as well that both of you parted ways.

          In the future, choose the right one! Be more picky and choosy.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
            Shows that she didn't give a shit about you. You're better off without someone as vindictive as her
            You're right. When I look back, she was not the woman I thought she was when I met her at the start - she has gradually evolved into this scheming/deceptive woman who I don't recognise.

            I'm glad in a way that I dumped her - she didn't respect me, nor did she care/love me. It's her loss.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by chanelle View Post
              Depressed I agree with Dazed & Confused. You were both wrong. You for snooping into her cell and her for deceiving, betraying and lying to you. You two were not meant for each other and it was just as well that both of you parted ways.

              In the future, choose the right one! Be more picky and choosy.
              I wouldn't say that we weren't meant for each other, we had more good times than bad. But this texting and the content within shocked me and made me view her in a different light.

              I think I loved her more than she really loved me. You don't do this kind of thing to someone you're meant to be with and love.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think the only thing wrong is that you both thought a relationship was good for either of you. You seem very hung up on your ex, OP (this thread and your other thread). Try to stop yourself from dwelling. If you need confidence boosters, focus on other things in your life that actually have some intelligent return. Don't look for votes on who was wrong. Move on.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Depressed View Post

                  I wouldn't say that we weren't meant for each other, we had more good times than bad. But this texting and the content within shocked me and made me view her in a different light.

                  I think I loved her more than she really loved me. You don't do this kind of thing to someone you're meant to be with and love.
                  Depressed No one is meant for each other if there isn't trust on both sides. With all due respect, even though it was wrong for her to text the guy behind your back, it was also wrong for you to snoop into her cell phone behind her back. There is lack of integrity from both sides and this is why I say both of you weren't meant for each other. Both of you are not in sync in the trust department.

                  Good times don't mean anything if there isn't a foundation when it comes to not only trust but basic values regarding daily life conduct; especially when no one is looking. People tend to be on their best behavior with others. The true test is when no one is looking.

                  Whenever love is one-sided or imbalanced, you're not meant for each other.

                  I'm sorry you're going through this painful reminder of your past with her. It is part of your grieving and growing process. Give it time. It will take time to heal your broken heart.

                  Whenever I've regretted the past with people, I try to look at the key takeaway as wisdom gained. Instead of feeling hurt, you become more intelligent regarding how to navigate yourself in the future, whom you choose to associate with and you become a better of judge of character. You become more selective, very picky and choosy regarding whom you wish to have a friendship or relationship with. Red flags stand out more in your brain and you learn to enforce boundaries with certain people. You're no longer naive. Always transform pain into newfound intelligence.

                  You'll never be the same person and you can never look at people the same way anymore. It's good to become wary and jaded because you'll never allow anyone to take advantage of you again. In your mind, it is good to become cynical and sarcastic to your advantage. You don't put people on a pedestal anymore and know the dark side of human nature.

                  You become more guarded. Never let your guard down and you will be fine. Live and learn. Negative experiences cause you to grow up and become more mature. No pain no gain.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    He wouldn't have felt the need to go into her phone at all if she hadn't asked him to check something for her. It was then he noticed that she was being unfaithful. All he is guilty of is gathering the evidence to confront her with. She then got pissed off because she couldn't wriggle out of it.
                    I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
                      He wouldn't have felt the need to go into her phone at all if she hadn't asked him to check something for her. It was then he noticed that she was being unfaithful. All he is guilty of is gathering the evidence to confront her with. She then got pissed off because she couldn't wriggle out of it.
                      No. She gave him permission to look in her phone at some point.
                      That is not giving him permission to look at her phone anytime he pleases subsequently,which is what he did.

                      He was wrong irrespective of what she did. Two wrongs donít make a right.

                      He didnt trust her . It doesnít matter that she was untrustworthy.

                      He lacked the confidence to end it, without proof.

                      Why?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
                        He wouldn't have felt the need to go into her phone at all if she hadn't asked him to check something for her. It was then he noticed that she was being unfaithful. All he is guilty of is gathering the evidence to confront her with. She then got pissed off because she couldn't wriggle out of it.
                        Exactly.

                        If I hadn't had gone into her phone then she would have continued to text this other guy behind my back, therefore dragging their emotional affair out.

                        As you say, she is only peed off because she got caught and because I had black and white evidence to confront her with regarding her illicit actions.

                        I don't feel guilty any more for going through her phone - she was the one in the wrong entertaining him to start with.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                          No. She gave him permission to look in her phone at some point.
                          That is not giving him permission to look at her phone anytime he pleases subsequently,which is what he did.

                          He was wrong irrespective of what she did. Two wrongs donít make a right.

                          He didnt trust her . It doesnít matter that she was untrustworthy.

                          He lacked the confidence to end it, without proof.

                          Why?
                          His name was the next contact next to the Doctors number so that is why I questioned her on it. I scrolled through her messages because I didn't believe her at the time when she said that he was just a 'friend',. This is someone who she has never mentioned in the time I've been with her and in hindsight there was a reason for that now.

                          It does matter that she was untrustworthy, that is because I have exposed her there and then for what she actually is............a cheater. My gut instinct told me something wasn't right with her and my suspicions were correct and verified.

                          Lacked confidence to end it without proof?!! You might want to re-read the message for clarity. She was presented with the messages INFRONT of her, isn't that proof?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Depressed View Post

                            His name was the next contact next to the Doctors number so that is why I questioned her on it. I scrolled through her messages because I didn't believe her at the time when she said that he was just a 'friend',. This is someone who she has never mentioned in the time I've been with her and in hindsight there was a reason for that now.

                            It does matter that she was untrustworthy, that is because I have exposed her there and then for what she actually is............a cheater. My gut instinct told me something wasn't right with her and my suspicions were correct and verified.

                            Lacked confidence to end it without proof?!! You might want to re-read the message for clarity. She was presented with the messages INFRONT of her, isn't that proof?
                            You misread.

                            Your gut instinct told you something wasnít right.
                            So why didnít you end it there and then without resorting to going through her phone?

                            Why did YOU NEED proof?
                            Didnt you trust your gut instinct?
                            Or lacked confidence in yourself?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              The bigger point here is that the relationship was just not working. That doesn't mean that it had something to do with you. It could just be the way she is. She does't strike me as someone who has a lot of integrity anyway.

                              So I would just try to look at why this relationship didn't work. What were the telling signs and what can you learn for the next one? Regarding looking at her phone, you had good reason to, but perhaps it's better to consider why you would have put up with being someone who is untrustworthy and making trustworthiness a "must" for your next partner. If you're in a relationship where you have to look at your gf's phone, its not the right relationship. Trust matters.

                              Separately, it sucks that she didn't care. From what you say, it seems like she had checked out of the relationship and was looking for alternatives. And she also sounds like a bit of a seasoned player. I can imagine it's probably hurting you to hear this now. There is someone good out there for you. The clouds will pass.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X