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Date with coworker and think she went back with ex-boyfriend, but hasn’t told me

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  • Date with coworker and think she went back with ex-boyfriend, but hasn’t told me

    Been talking with a coworker more and more for a few weeks, and decided to ask her out. Went on a date, and had a really good time (kissed at the end). Day after the date we were talking all day via text, and planned a next date. The day after, things changed and I noticed slow responses going forward for next 3 days so I thought something was up. I saw her Instagram that she put pictures back up with her ex-boyfriend so I assumed she's talking with him or something is going on. I asked her if we were still on for Friday still to see what she would say. She made up an excuse that she couldn't go anymore, but didn't say anything about the ex-boyfriend.

    After that, I gave her some space and didn't talk to her for about a week until something came up for work, which broke the ice. Then the following week we were talking normally, and she was making the initiative when she was leaving the office. We talked for like a half-hour to an hour each day, but it's weird because she seems interested. It's just a weird situation because I like her, but at the same time I just need to back off and not talk to her if she is back with the guy.

    I just don't know what to do since I work with her, and don't want to make things awkward if I completely stopped talking to her. I think the only option is just keep it professionally and only talk work stuff?
    Last edited by srichard91; January 13th, 2019, 02:55 PM.

  • #2
    I agree. Keep it professional. She already knows you're interested. Let her make the next move if one is to be made. If she doesn't make the next move, don't ask her out again.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      You've been on one date. She has made no committment to you and owes you nothing, not even an explanation.
      Like Sarah said, she know you're interested. Leave it at that. If she wants to, she'll know where to find you.


      • #4
        You should never have asked her out in the first place. Dating a coworker is never a good idea. Just let it go now. Go back to being friendly coworkers and nothing more. One date is not worth causing a whole bad atmosphere in the office. Leave her alone. She doesn't have to answer to you.
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


        • #5
          She doesn't have to tell you who she dates. Ex bf or anyone else. She cancelled the date with you because you texted all day with her, and shows you are too eager to be with her. Also setting up the next date the day after the first date was too soon. This is not attractive to her. Let a week go by. Give her a reason to wonder about you. Most guys will act too eager to date. When a guy doesn't act eager, he stands out to her, because he lives his own life, not for her. That's attractive to women. And always call or ask in person for a date.

          Unless she is initiating text messages, texts from you should be short, if any.

          Do not have long talks with her after work. Why? She cancelled the date with you. Talking with you is no longer a privilege you will grant to her (except work matters). If she won't date you, she can't talk to you personally. If she initiates talking, then let her talk and say what she wants, then end it politely.

          Having long talks creates a stuck coworker friendship, but not a bf/gf relationship. You might be able to date a coworker without complications, if you don't work closely with them.


          • #6
            Generally, no, if it was a stranger, I'd say that she doesn't owe you anything but you are coworkers. This means you likely spend more time with her or the people you work with than anyone else in your life if you work full time. For the sake of propriety and some respect, I think she did owe you some explanation as she did agree to go out with you on that one date. No one pointed a gun at her or made her do anything against her will. The least she should have done was be frank with you. Whether or not you're a decent guy is anyone's guess. If she doesn't trust you or feel good about you in general, she's entitled to her reasons for not saying too much precisely due to the both of you working together.

            I personally would have said something if I were her and remained cordial but respectful. She wasn't honest with you. You got your answer. Now remove her off your news feed and social media and stop stalking her. Date other women and move past this. Remain respectful at work and leave her alone in every instance where you don't deal with her professionally.