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Giving mixed signals, is he interested or not?

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  • Giving mixed signals, is he interested or not?

    Hello Everyone,

    I decided to make an account today and post because I've recently become frustrated and maybe a little paranoid but I'm not sure. I have known this guy for a couple of years and we are currently friends and we probably talk a couples times per week, but I'm getting frustrated because he is so confusing to talk to, I can't tell whether he is interested or not because sometimes we really hit it off and we can message each other for hours just batting off of each other and then sometimes he will give me very dry responses that are so impossible to revive. There is a time zone difference because I live in the Uk and he lives in Nova Scotia in Canada so there is a time difference of 4 hours which does cause some strain but time differences shouldn't stop people from talking to you if they were truly interested? Another thing that annoys me is that I'll message him and then he will ignore me until I've gone to sleep and he certainly knows I've gone to sleep because he understands the time difference The only thing that keeps me talking to him after these 2 years is because when we have those moments where we message for hours it feels like we're the only two people in the world and our conversations are so full of life but then there are those moments where he gives me dry responses when my messages are so full of energy that makes it seem he's very uninterested and that he is just wanting to end the conversation and the fact that he ignores me and waits until I'm asleep just frustrates me even more because it just seems like he doesn't even want to be friends with me either. I am trying to see if one day I can get to Canada but I am strapped for cash and I don't want to end up getting there and wasting my time because he's completely uninterested to even be friends with me let alone anything else... It's almost like he controls the conversation and it's either his way or the highway. I just don't know what to think or make of it because if he wasn't interested then he wouldn't even bother messaging me and have those moments where we talk for hours but then if he was interested then he wouldn't give me dry responses, ignore me or leave me on read... Anyone got any ideas on help, should we just say our goodbyes? (although I really don't want that but I feel like he does sometimes...) or should I stick it out until one day we eventually see and he could be so much better in person?

    Edit:
    I also understand that romantic long distance relationships don't work most of the time but I am still very interested in just being his friend because that's all we've ever been so far and when we have those energetic conversations he is just so interesting to talk to. Also I forgot to mention that it's usually him messaging me first! how confusing is that???? That's why I feel like it's him controlling the conversation, he decides whether we're gonna end up having an energetic conversation or a dry conversation... Whenever I text first that is when he gives me a dry response but if he messages first then it's a different story.
    Last edited by Ribella; January 12th, 2019, 09:24 AM.

  • #2
    Sweetheart, you're deluding yourself into thinking that this can be anything other than what it is: a computer conversation.

    I sure hope you haven't isolated yourself from friends and other guys for two years because you think you have something with the Canadian guy. If you think he isn't dating women, you're mistaken. You serve only as someone to chat with when he's not busy.

    This is a hopeless situation from start to finish. Start dating guys where you live and make a social life for yourself instead of talking to this guy.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
      Sweetheart, you're deluding yourself into thinking that this can be anything other than what it is: a computer conversation.

      I sure hope you haven't isolated yourself from friends and other guys for two years because you think you have something with the Canadian guy. If you think he isn't dating women, you're mistaken. You serve only as someone to chat with when he's not busy.

      This is a hopeless situation from start to finish. Start dating guys where you live and make a social life for yourself instead of talking to this guy.
      Thank you for your response, I do have a lot of friends here but my love life isn't very good which is probably why I am clinging on to this, do you think we should stop talking and say our goodbyes?

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      • #4
        I don't think it matters if you stop talking to him. What matters is for you to clear your head of the idea that it could turn into something.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          It's been a couple of years. If he was interested he would've told you a long time ago. As Sarah said, to him this is just a computer conversation. He is clearly not in the same head space as you. He also has a life beyond talking to you, so sometimes when you think he's ignoring you, he's probably just busy, probably out on dates. His life clearly doesn't revolve around you so you would be wise to stop revolving yours around him.
          ​​

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          • #6
            The only thing that keeps me talking to him after these 2 years is because when we have those moments where we message for hours it feels like we're the only two people in the world
            Please look into getting some help so that you realize that a long distance computer chat buddy does not have to always be up to being animated and interacting with you.

            Just where did you hope this online fantasy FRIENDSHIP was going to lead you? Are you having online sex chat with him that you've become addicted to and mistake for love? What IS the draw?

            Slowly start distancing yourself and being less engaged with him until you totally wean yourself off of your addiction to whatever it is keeps you mired in this fantasy. Start to put yourself out there so that you meet men where you live, men wherein you can smell their scent, feel their skin, have them wrap themselves up in you in real life. You'll be glad you've weaned yourself off of Mr. Nova Scotia and found Mr. Real.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Ribella Say your goodbyes to him and end it. Don't waste your time and energy on him anymore.

              He texts you when he knows you're asleep because he wants a one-way conversation where he has the last work and that's that. It's sneaky. He doesn't wish to have a back 'n forth conversation with you so he texts you while you're sleeping and then he's done. He's playing games with you. If he's like this electronically, he's worse in person.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                He is not a friend. He is an online chat buddy. Only.
                His upbeat conversations are when he is at home with nothing else to do.
                His dry responses are when he is multi tasking. Maybe chatting to others at the same time etc.
                He is not interested in a real life friendship never mind anything else.

                Stop with the dramatics “should we say our goodbyes?” Bullshit.

                To stop talking to him would be no different to deleting candy crush app.
                It was something to do when you had nothing to do , but was all a waste of time.
                When you delete candy crush will you first say goodbye?

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                • #9
                  I agree with the others. Move on from this. Two years is enough wasted time on your part. You could have spent all that time doing other things with your free time. Why are you doing this to yourself? Don't sell yourself short so badly.

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