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Should I wait or tell her

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  • Should I wait or tell her

    I want to tell my ex-colleague that I have feelings for her but I dont know if it is the right time at the same time if things dont go well I want to stay friends with her as we've gotten to know each other aside from work (talk outside work and meetup).
    My workplace knew that I like her most folk would ask me bout it so I would be a bit surprised if she didn't know. Since I have left we have stayed in touch and had common things keeping us going to most extents (similar likes and hobbies).

    She has trust issues so she does not speak to a lot of folk at work and with strangers as such she wouldn't open up a lot (plus she is extremely shy). By the second time we met up after work she told me that she trusts me and can talk to me. She would mention on things and later tell me them more in further detail when she felt comfortable and get my opinion as well.

    When we used to work together she would sit really close to me and would be the same when we have gone out to eat (there's enough space) I have not seen her do this with others at work and with some of her friends I have met / been introduced to. One time she offered to help me with something ( non work related ) and said ' you can take me out for dinner ' (I never followed up with that yet [ its been about 2 - 3 months] but I want to do so).

    I am concerned as I have let her down on a few occasions. We' were to meet up recently and I canceled on about 2 days before the day plus at work she has seen me quite tense with work ( I had quite a few things being juggled at the same time - I know thats no excuse). There were times I have not replied to some of her messages ( again I wasn't sure if replying to them would have been the best option rather felt best to keep it short as she does not like to text that much [though when she does she really does it]).

    From that I have realised that if I want this to work I need to put work behind myself else it will not have a chance of working out (would this be fine mentioning to her or should I skip this ? [action speaks louder than words in my opinion]). But at the same time theres only the present.

    Would love your'lls take and experience on the whole thing. Thanks!
    Last edited by up-side-down; December 28th, 2018, 12:40 AM.

  • #2
    Since you are no longer coworkers it would be fine to ask her out to dinner. Plan a specific time and call and ask. No text.


    • #3
      You didn't treat her well in the first couple of instances. I'm curious why the heck you're backtracking now? Why are you doubling back? Slim pickings? Someone else dumped you or gave you the no-go?

      I'm also puzzled why you're so hung up on a woman you know so little about. You don't look good and you don't smell good to me and don't be surprised if she doesn't want to speak to you again. You can say that you won't lose anything by talking to her but the dynamics are already skewed for a situation that's very superficial.

      Pick a new lady and follow through next time. Cut this one loose. You don't know her.


      • #4
        Don't bother, you've already blown it. You've let her down too much. You've ignored her, took no notice of her screamingly blunt invitation to ask her out and you've acted like an asshole at work. You are so arrogant. She most definitely won't have that trust in you anymore. You seriously blew it. It's way to late.
        Last edited by Dazed & Confused; December 30th, 2018, 08:18 PM.
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


        • #5
          If she likes you and trusts you then just make the damn dinner date and she will likely be glad to join you. If you have blown it then she will also let you know that but if you don't try then you're going to regret it so just make the date and let the chips fall where they may.

          I hope you stop being so fickle. Cancelling dates at the last minute, being stressed and taking it out on people you are suppose to care for is not being either a good friend or a potential boyfriend.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!