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What did I do?

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  • What did I do?

    I recently connected with a man that I had sex with one time before. Things didn't work out the first time and we didn't speak for three years.

    2 weeks ago, I reconnected with him. We hung out and he was very touchy feely. I was interested, so I asked him if he was interested in being more than friends. He said no, we're cool we should just be friends. I said ok and was totally cool with it. Next week, I'm over at his place and he is all over me. Touching my body intimately, talking about my body. I was laying on the bed watching tv, and he comes on top of me and starts humping me. He then asks if I would be interested in having sex. I said you haven't kissed me, and he said that he doesn't want to kiss me and he won't. I didn't know what to make of that so I ended up leaving to think.

    The next day, Monday, I figured, ok. I can just have fun and have sex out of it. It's ok if he doesn't want to kiss me. So I texted him that I couldn't stop thinking of his body up against mine and that I wanted him. He responded with a smiley face and that was it. I asked him what the smiley face meant, He replied "It means I'm smiling". That was weird. but I was like maybe this is how sex for fun goes. The next day I texted him, when do you get off work. He said he was off work now and was going to drive uber for a bit. I responded ok, he didn't respond. The next day I heard nothing from him. The day after, I told him I wanted him, he didn't respond. I double texted with an "haha ok". He responded with a "haha". That was it. So at this point I"m confused, and thinking that I'm pushing for something that's not there. I'm basically throwing myself at him, and he isn't that interested in having sex. So I say, " I should've probably listened to you the first time you said you weren't interested. sorry for pushing the whole sex thing. We're totally cool as friends! no worries".

    He got super upset with me and now has said that I ruined everything. He now says he doesn't want to be friends with me, and now has cut me off. I don't know what I did wrong. I've asked him, he refuses to respond. I've apologized profusely for whatever it is that I have done, and asked him to talk. He refuses. I've told him I value him as a friend and don't want to lose his friendship. No response.

    I feel awful and don't know what I did. Can someone maybe weigh in? He wasn't interested in having sex, so I don't know why he would be mad?

  • #2
    Here's what you did wrong. You tried to have something more with him than he wanted, which was strictly a friends with benefits situation. You made it complicated for him, and now he's quietly going to slip away.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Interesting
      Last edited by Hopeless2356; December 8th, 2018, 03:35 PM.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
        Here's what you did wrong. You tried to have something more with him than he wanted, which was strictly a friends with benefits situation. You made it complicated for him, and now he's quietly going to slip away.
        I'm confused. How is asking someone to meet up for sex making it complicated? Isn't that what a friends with benefits relationship supposed to be? People having sex? I asked for sex, he wasn't responding.

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        • #5
          You asked him to kiss you. Kissing is something done between lovers, not friends with benefits. Then you asked him what the smiley face meant. You're behaving like someone wanting a boyfriend. That's how you made it complicated.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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          • #6
            Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
            You asked him to kiss you. Kissing is something done between lovers, not friends with benefits. Then you asked him what the smiley face meant. You're behaving like someone wanting a boyfriend. That's how you made it complicated.
            Because I asked him what his smiley face meant that means I"m behaving like I want a boyfriend? . I asked him for sex, he sent a smiley face. That didn't answer my question.

            Wow.

            I asked him why he wasn't kissing me. The previous encounter I had with him he had, so it's not weird to ask that. I had no problem with it. If you had read my post I clearly said I was ok with that.

            I didn't put any emotion in this whatsoever. I was trying to have sex with no strings attached.

            But thanks for your input.
            Last edited by Hopeless2356; December 8th, 2018, 04:02 PM.

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            • #7
              Hopeless2356 Because it's only about sex, not about any established, sincere, true friendships first. Therefore, at the end of the day both of you realized that the relationship is shallow, empty and meaningless. There is no point. It just feels like a dumb game and he's disgusted as you would've been too eventually. There is no future regarding this relationship which is dead.

              Time to move on.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                You took it too far. You txt him that you couldn't stop thinking about his body against yours and told him multiple times that you wanted him. It was too much. When it's friends with benefits all you had to say was that you were available and to let you know when he was. The grovelling didn't help. It's not what he wanted.

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                • #9
                  Thanks for the input everyone, it helps. Still struggling to figure out why he would be mad tho if I was ok with just being friends anyway. I'm going to have to move on.

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                  • #10
                    On your end: I don't think you did anything wrong at all. He came onto you and humped you and asked you for sex. You texted him and he responded at a later date. This was your response to his wanting sex. He's not good for you. Even fwb would reply in a better way than a lousy ass smiley face. He wanted you in the heat of the moment and then chickened out and forgot the English language. What a moron. I'm surprised if this guy gets laid in the next 5 years. He seems like a mess.

                    On his end: He wanted an fwb and no strings attached but you hesitated which made him realize that you were probably vulnerable/not carefree or don't give a shit). You're disposable and so he disposed of you but his snapping at you is out of line and uncalled for. There was no need for him to get super upset or say that you ruined anything. Is this guy still in diapers? Look, if you want to hang out with a hot guy and have random sex, you're entitled to. You're even entitled to sexing up someone you have a history provided you have mutual respect for each other. This person is not that person and you did NOT do anything wrong. He's just not in the right mindframe to support anything, even an fwb or sex with no strings attached relationship. He's throwing it on you because he's incapable of managing his emotions and probably likes placing the blame on someone else.

                    I wouldn't suggest ever seeing him again.

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                    • #11
                      I disagree that this guy wanted to be fwb. What he actually wanted was someone he can booty call.
                      He thought since you had sex with him once 3 years ago that you would be up for that again.
                      Turned out you werenít.
                      Then you decided you would be ok with opening your legs for someone who wonít kiss you!?
                      That was your first mistake. Why would you degrade yourself that way? In my mind kissing is the beginning of foreplay and it progresses from there.

                      He seems to be a very cold apathetic man.
                      He was happy with your suggestion that you want sex with him hence the smiley face , but he was not happy for you to call the shots as to when and where. And then you did actually get emotional by getting upset with his lack of response and messaging him with an emotional text. If you were actually ok with being a booty call, you would have waited for that booty call and not contact him until then.
                      So why lie to yourself ? And him?

                      When he said he wasnít interested in more than friendship he meant it. When he said we should just be friends , he was actually using the word ďfriendĒ very loosely.

                      Why did you then renage on your offer to have sex with no kissing?
                      Because he didnít respond to a text? Thatís getting emotional and yes of course complicating things as Sarah said.

                      When he said you ruined things. You did ruin his idea of what he wanted from you , which he was honest about , cold sex. No emotions. That you promised but then got super emotional.

                      He WAS interested in sex, he WASNíT interested in the emotional contact. The cons outweighed the pros for him.

                      Then you got even more emotional , saying you value his friendship and donít want to lose it?
                      WHAT friendship? You had sex once 3 years ago and recently met him twice.
                      And you apologised PROFUSELY???? For what?

                      You started to act like a bunny boiler even before a booty call.
                      He backed right off!

                      If you want to date a man , then date one.
                      But why on earth would you go to a mans house , lie on his bed, allow him to dry hump you without at least going out for dinner first???

                      I think you need to figure out what you want, stop lowering your standards for someone who doesnít even care to go out for dinner with you and work on some self esteem issues.

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                      • #12
                        To be honest he sounds like a terrible person. I mean regardless of whether or not you took it too far, it's pretty mean to just ignore someone like that. The least he could do is explain. Why do you even like him?

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