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God am I a complete idiot?!

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  • God am I a complete idiot?!

    So I started talking to this guy on a dating site on the 14th October. Weíve spoken a lot, we get on really well, I feel like we get each other completely. There was an instant connection. Our conversations are really intense and I canít get him off my mind. Weíve talked so much that we have gotten to the stage of teasing each other. He texts me first thing in the morning and as soon as he finishes work to let me know heís been thinking about me all day. However this is where it changes, yesterday I discovered that he has a girlfriend. Now I know I should probably stop talking to him. But for some reason I am completely conflicted on how I feel. I know itís wrong to still want him and itís driving me crazy. He doesnít know that I know so I am fully aware that this guy is clearly a bit of an a****** so why do I still think about him all day? I havenít spoken to him since I found out. Do I say something to him to let him know that I have found out? I feel like a complete b***h to be honest because in my mind, they are clearly having relationship problems and this guy likes me, I donít think I am imagining it?! But I donít want to be a relationship wrecker. Do I confront him?! HELP!!!!!

  • #2
    Why do you feel like a complete bitch? You've done nothing wrong. He's the one lying and cheating. Don't waste your time and energy on him any longer because you will never be able to have him. I can guarantee that you are not the only girl he is talking to. End contact and block him, NOW. In answer to your question, yes you are a complete idiot if you continue with this.

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    • #3
      Now I am aware of this I wouldnít persue him in that way. Itís just frustrating because I am aware he is an ass but Iím so conflicted about everything in my head. I feel like I canít just turn off my feelings for him. Itís annoying because I know Iíd probably be stupid enough to date him if he ended things with his girlfriend. I know I shouldnít waste my time with this guy and I definitely donít want to come between anyone at all. I completely disagree with that sort of behaviour. I think Iím just a little gutted I really thought Iíd gotten lucky with him

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      • #4
        Originally posted by KayBess88 View Post
        So I started talking to this guy on a dating site on the 14th October. Weíve spoken a lot, we get on really well, I feel like we get each other completely. There was an instant connection. Our conversations are really intense and I canít get him off my mind. Weíve talked so much that we have gotten to the stage of teasing each other. He texts me first thing in the morning and as soon as he finishes work to let me know heís been thinking about me all day. However this is where it changes, yesterday I discovered that he has a girlfriend. Now I know I should probably stop talking to him. But for some reason I am completely conflicted on how I feel. I know itís wrong to still want him and itís driving me crazy. He doesnít know that I know so I am fully aware that this guy is clearly a bit of an a****** so why do I still think about him all day? I havenít spoken to him since I found out. Do I say something to him to let him know that I have found out? I feel like a complete b***h to be honest because in my mind, they are clearly having relationship problems and this guy likes me, I donít think I am imagining it?! But I donít want to be a relationship wrecker. Do I confront him?! HELP!!!!!
        I wonder are you talking to a guy I know!? Lol
        I canít convince him to stop going online chatting to random women despite the fact that he got married last year and now has a 6 month old baby.
        He loves attention! And yes he has met some of these women after chatting for a significant amount of time while posing as single. He is such a flirt and shamelessly so!
        I know him through my work place although we donít actually work in the same dept.
        A very charming guy , very likeable, we get on well

        The very minute one of his girl chat buddies or even girls he has met confront him he blocks them.
        With absolutely no remorse. They are no longer of use to him.

        Yes he is an ass, I tell him so!

        But I can guarantee you he has no relationship issues with his oblivious wife , he does love her and his child , but he is incapable of monogamy. His wife is a stunner btw and they are both in well educated careers.

        The bottom line is, you do not know this guy.
        Yet you believed his every word , why?

        Now that you uncovered the truth, why do you think he likes you?
        Iím sure he does physically by your profile pics , but why do you like him? Sounds like you have never met him???

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        • #5
          Originally posted by KayBess88 View Post
          Now I am aware of this I wouldnít persue him in that way. Itís just frustrating because I am aware he is an ass but Iím so conflicted about everything in my head. I feel like I canít just turn off my feelings for him. Itís annoying because I know Iíd probably be stupid enough to date him if he ended things with his girlfriend. I know I shouldnít waste my time with this guy and I definitely donít want to come between anyone at all. I completely disagree with that sort of behaviour. I think Iím just a little gutted I really thought Iíd gotten lucky with him

          Well i can guarantee that he doesn't feel the same way about you. And i can guarantee that he is saying all this same shit to other girls. I know his type, an attention seeker. I work with one also, like Maggie. He wont end things with his girlfriend for anyone either. Think about his girlfriend though. How do you think she would feel? What if it was you and some girl was talking to your boyfriend even though she knew about you? You can either do the right thing here, or the stupid thing.
          Last edited by Dazed & Confused; December 5th, 2018, 08:42 AM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by KayBess88 View Post
            Now I am aware of this I wouldnít persue him in that way. Itís just frustrating because I am aware he is an ass but Iím so conflicted about everything in my head. I feel like I canít just turn off my feelings for him. Itís annoying because I know Iíd probably be stupid enough to date him if he ended things with his girlfriend. I know I shouldnít waste my time with this guy and I definitely donít want to come between anyone at all. I completely disagree with that sort of behaviour. I think Iím just a little gutted I really thought Iíd gotten lucky with him
            What feelings for him ???
            Liking his profile pic , his insincere messages?
            Why would you consider dating him? He hasnít even asked you to?
            Its not even an option for you?
            You need to get a bit wiser and only chat to guys on dating sites for a minimal timeframe, enough time to be ok with meeting them at a public place yet not too long to know they are only chatting or waiting until their unsuspecting partner is not around and gives you minimal notice of a ďdateĒ?

            I had so much fun with my online dating days!
            Any guy like the one you mentioned , I assumed was in a relationship, I played the game better than they could. After all I was single , they were not. So , I would agree to meet with their plan to meet me despite their strict ďscheduleĒ which was supposedly work based.
            A few hours prior to our ďdateĒ, I would apologise and say I couldnít make it.

            A legitimate guy would be ok with that, a guy intending on cheating would go nuts! He spent a few weeks postponing meeting in order to arrange a fake boys night out???


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            • #7
              Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

              I wonder are you talking to a guy I know!? Lol
              I canít convince him to stop going online chatting to random women despite the fact that he got married last year and now has a 6 month old baby.
              He loves attention! And yes he has met some of these women after chatting for a significant amount of time while posing as single. He is such a flirt and shamelessly so!
              I know him through my work place although we donít actually work in the same dept.
              A very charming guy , very likeable, we get on well

              The very minute one of his girl chat buddies or even girls he has met confront him he blocks them.
              With absolutely no remorse. They are no longer of use to him.

              Yes he is an ass, I tell him so!

              But I can guarantee you he has no relationship issues with his oblivious wife , he does love her and his child , but he is incapable of monogamy. His wife is a stunner btw and they are both in well educated careers.

              The bottom line is, you do not know this guy.
              Yet you believed his every word , why?

              Now that you uncovered the truth, why do you think he likes you?
              Iím sure he does physically by your profile pics , but why do you like him? Sounds like you have never met him???
              Hi Maggie,

              I discovered that that he was with a woman from Instagram she tagged him in a post of a band that I follow, so it was literally just by chance. So I don’t think it’s the guy that you know. I am not aware of them being married or having a child unless it’s not something mentioned on Instagram. These guys have been together for 3 years judging by the anniversary post this year.

              I have zero intentions or breaking up their relationship nor talking to him again. I believe the majority of what he told me was true. Annoyingly someone I work with knows him but they haven’t spoken for years so it’s 100% him. To be honest with this internet dating I am really wary of people I’m talking to so I did the ultimate social media stalk to make sure I wasn’t being catfished etc!

              I know now I sound completely ridiculous and stupid but I just can’t shake the feeling! Oh well, that’s the end of that!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by KayBess88 View Post

                Hi Maggie,

                I discovered that that he was with a woman from Instagram she tagged him in a post of a band that I follow, so it was literally just by chance. So I don’t think it’s the guy that you know. I am not aware of them being married or having a child unless it’s not something mentioned on Instagram. These guys have been together for 3 years judging by the anniversary post this year.

                I have zero intentions or breaking up their relationship nor talking to him again. I believe the majority of what he told me was true. Annoyingly someone I work with knows him but they haven’t spoken for years so it’s 100% him. To be honest with this internet dating I am really wary of people I’m talking to so I did the ultimate social media stalk to make sure I wasn’t being catfished etc!

                I know now I sound completely ridiculous and stupid but I just can’t shake the feeling! Oh well, that’s the end of that!
                I was joking about it being the guy I know lol!
                You are so naive to even defend that thought!

                Nothing he told you was true.
                You say you have zero intentions of breaking up his relationship, what you are not understanding is that even if you had any intention , you might be successful but even if you were , this guy would have zero interest in you either way.

                His relationship is none of your business. He flirted with you online for a few weeks without asking you out.
                You flirted back for whatever reason.

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                • #9
                  You can't just turn off your feelings or the ones you have nurtured or have been in the habit of nurturing for the past two months. Did you ever meet him in person? If the answer is no, this is your first mistake. You'll catch a lot of red flags in future if you regularly meet up with someone in person. Phone messages are easy to send. You're vulnerable for whatever reason or stuck in a very remote location. Whatever your personal circumstances, they have led you to this. Try and understand that the situation is exactly the way it is and it is up to you to face your emotions and stop trying to fight them or put yourself through more grief. Move forward, stay positive, laugh/learn at your mistakes and don't dwell on them.

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