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Need advice, lost all my dating confidence

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  • Need advice, lost all my dating confidence

    Hi all,

    So, I'm not really too sure quite what I'm doing here. I'm not usually one for posting on online forums, but I've kind of got to a point where I don't know what to do in my dating life and think that maybe the whole 'post anonymously and get help from the internet' thing is worth a try.

    Cutting to the point, I'm a 27yo guy, never had a girlfriend, never had sex. I have managed to see a few girls for several weeks or months before, even sharing beds quite regularly with one, but I never had the confidence to try and push for anything more with her which probably contributed to that relationship going no further. Anyway, last year I met another girl and things were going really well. We got very close instantly and there was a lot of chemistry. After a few weeks of seeing each other she invited me over to hers (with implicit aims) and, after listening to all kinds of advice from people, I decided to come clean about my lack of experience if we got to the bedroom. Anyway, they did and I opened up about my history, only for the whole night to instantaneously turn ice cold and she cut the evening short before telling me via text when I was on the way home that she didn't think we should see each other again.

    What this has done for the year since is take my insecurities about my sexual history, and turn them up to 11. I just can't get over the experience of finally opening up to a girl who was completely on the same page in almost every way, only to still end up being completely rejected for it. Any girls I've seen since, I've just started having severe anxiety around the moment that things start to get even remotely romantic.

    I guess I'm just wondering if anyone's experienced something similar, or has known anyone who has? I'm really trying my best but I just don't seem to have any shred of dating confidence left now no matter how hard I try.

    Thanks in advance.

  • #2
    tburl If that girl judged you due to your being a virgin, then she's not the type of girl you'd want to be with anyway because she is narrow minded and shallow. Continue being honest with every serious girl you meet and one of these days she will be receptive if that's what you want.

    Another way to look at it is, many times remaining a virgin until the special lady in your life comes a long is extremely special whether before or after marriage. Don't sell yourself cheap. Wait for "thee one" and often times this special lady will be life long and very possibly a permanent commitment if you lean towards marriage one day in the horizon.

    You don't have to feel as if you need to be just like everyone else. You are not missing out. There's nothing wrong with waiting or holding your standards higher for someone whom you can truly respect and they too can respect you in return.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


    • #3
      Not sure why several of the same posts are showing up
      Last edited by Mary; December 4th, 2018, 01:24 AM.


      • #4
        Double post
        Last edited by Mary; December 4th, 2018, 01:21 AM.


        • #5
          Look, this is just ONE girl that got iffy about you being inexperienced. Not all girls are like that. Most are pretty great about it. I believe this girl only had interest in sex and nothing else. Hence why she did a 180 on you. Don't let that ruin your dating life. You're foolish for letting that happen. You really need to toughen up because you are acting like your virginity and inexperience is disease when it's not. When the right one comes along you'll know. Everything will feel right. Until then get a grip on and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
          I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


          • #6
            Not the smartest move telling anyone you're a virgin before sex. That's a lot of pressure you're putting on the other person. I've had sex with two men who were virgins. One was 18 and the other was 38. The older one didn't tell me he was a virgin but I figured it out and there were good laughs about it afterwards. Talking about how nervous you are before having sex doesn't do anything but draw the attention towards you when it should be about the both of you. Somehow you've got to pull yourself out of the gutter and start realizing that being with anyone is about give and take. Right now you've got so much negativity built up inside you, you should be sitting on a therapist's couch and not in bed with anyone else. Your shit is heavy and no one wants to deal with that. Sorry. Lighten up and have a sense of humour, stop making it all about you and learn to give more. I'm being very real with you. This isn't a textbook answer.