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  • aloof guy

    I dated this guy from online. In a week he took me out 4 times...first we went coffee, we likes each other. He took me to movie then he helped me pick up a second hand home gym...and he cook me dinner the same night. He is very capable. He raised two boys by himself for a long long time. They are now both married with two very young kids and live close by to him. He works long hours and do volunteer lifesaving on the weekend as his job is involve with that sort of line...as well and he says he love his job. He's 61 - I'm 55 after dinner he ask me to stay for the night but I say no...then when he send me to my car, he say we just have cuddles, no sex. I did that bcs I do likes him but I feel it is not right to have sex so quick. He is a very quiet person, he hardly speaks much - I do all the talking and asking questions most of the time. He would answer if I ask but he hardly do much otherwise. He seem very nice. that morning in bed I let him kisses me and got naked but didn't have sex. We wake up and we had breakfast on the deck...when we finished, while in the kitchen he say to me he wanted to fuck me but he didn't do that, just said it. I didn't like it that he use that word...it's not polite but I didn't mention much. He send me to my car as he has to go to work. He picked me some flowers from his garden. I was thinking about that why he would use that word as he seem to be a decent guy? So I texted him and asked him and explain to him that I feel like those words are for a sex you pay for, if a guy really wanted to show me he wants to see more of me he would not say that, he would say he wants to make love to me, even to have sex with me is not as bad as to say to fuck me? Maybe I am conservative, or maybe because I let him do everything to me but not really did it...and he feels frustrated ? I don't know.
    He response to my text saying "you don't sound happy" and that's it. I explained to him by texting in a couple of days after that when he use that word to me...I feel offensive for him to put it in across to me that was as he seem a nice guy. Like sex one pays for, not like he wants to get to know me so we make love as a respectful way to put it. Making love and fuck is very different. I told him it was dissapointing...

    He responded to me... "Clearly you have had some bad experiences. I did not fuck you to show that was not what I was looking for. Yes I wanted to please you not me. Of course I want to sleep with you . I am human. I am not ready for this at the moment. I need a friend and lover to share life with not being told I am like all men. I do not pay for sex. Whatever possessed you to think or say that. Good luck with your dating" I just replied to him with a THUMBS UP.

    We did not contact for about two weeks. I kept thinking maybe he just was frustrated and he seem a really nice person otherwise...maybe I should chat to him in person why he says that as text msgs sometimes is quite different. I know he wanted to watch a movie but he will never go by himself. So I texted him if he had seen that movie. He said not yet Looking forward to it. And you? I reply No to him. He said are you suggesting we go? I asked him if he wanna take me? He said "Maybe" then he texted "Tonight" I said ok - and he pick me up and we went to movie. We went to the Gold Class and had cocktails and dinner there which was what we did on our first movie together. In the car, we had a chat re the fuck word...he said he didn't even remember saying it...and if he did it will be the lowest class he put himself in.
    I don't know what to believe.

    Anyway, we had a good night outt...and he had to go interstate to work on that weekend. The next morning he texted me if I slept in which he did....then from that onwards he never texted me back but i texted him here and there and he only texted back briefly when i texted him. He is always like that before though...which only we known each other briefly !! I also end some textes with xx but he never did. I feel he is aloof. Today I bouhgt a couch second hand and I said I'm looking for someone to help lift up - and he say he could help when he gets back in a couple of days. That is when I had it planned anyway. I did say I will ask around first but he offered. But I am not sure how or what he thinks after the breakup and I contacted him. I already told him I don;t want to be with him and him wishing me good luck with my dating. but I contact him and he responded but his msgs seem very aloof. I am confuse why he would spend money on movie with me happily but not text me first at all when he is away? I always did that but everytime he responded but not ask anything back just responding to my message ? I don't know if I should continue this....it's frustrating.

  • #2
    YOU made the whole thing frustrating. You created the problem, not him. You made a huge deal out of him using the f word. What's wrong with the f word? It is not necessarily a word you use for sex you pay for. You made him feel like shit and sordid for using that word. You had a really good man there, who treated you right and really wanted you. But you ruined it by your weirdness over the f word. He has now lost interest because you made him feel bad. I suggest you leave him alone so he can find a woman who wants the same things he does.

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