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Girlfriends Relationship With Her Father

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  • Girlfriends Relationship With Her Father

    My girlfriend has an extremely bizarre relationship with her father. She's 28 and he's 54. He treats her like a best friend. He'll call her at midnight begging her to meet him at the bar. When she refuses, he gets angry and starts saying really nasty things to her, like "I'm really disappointed in you as a father" or "I can't believe I raised such a selfish crappy daughter". It's all mind games to make her feel guilty. He shows up to our apartment completely wasted and demands that we come out with him to the bar. I tell him I'm not going to the bar with you and he gets pissed and starts telling my girlfriend (his daughter) to leave me at home and come to the bar with him. He'll call her on the phone until she picks up. Sometimes literally a dozen times in a row. At first I was tolerant, but now I'm really getting sick of it. I brought it up a couple weeks ago and she became really upset. She said her dad is a good guy and just going through a hard time since the divorce, even though the divorce was 7 years ago. I talked to one of her friends about it and she told me that 2 of my girlfriends past boyfriends broke up with her because of her dad. I really don't want to end it, but I don't know what I can do. Can any of you relate? Is this something I don't have any control over other than breaking up with her?

  • #2
    If two other boyfriends couldn't get her to form some boundaries with her father then I'm not sure how you're going to be able to. They have a codependent relationship and she'd do well to read up on the importance of personal boundaries so she may learn to be able to say "no" to him and not feel guilty about it.

    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


    • #3
      Where is her mother and how is her relationship with her?


      • #4
        I suggest just putting it to her bluntly. Tell her straight that she will never have a lasting relationship if she don't start putting boundaries between her and her father. She will seriously regret it in the future. If he harasses you that much too then report him to the police until he learns to stop..
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


        • #5
          I don't think it's a healthy way for any relationship to go but why were you asking about your gf or talking about her behind her back with one of her friends? Did that friend just offer that random information to you? I'd question that source/friendship or its reliability! If you're going to make a decision make it based on your own conclusions and the behaviours of her dad or your gf that don't seem right to you alone.

          You didn't say much about her dad except about the 7 yrs past divorce and what some other chick said about your gf's ex-boyfriends. What else do you really know about him? Or does your gf shutter out any questions about her dad and refuse to open up about him?


          • #6
            Jack0723 The only thing you have control is to break up with her. Both of them will not let go of each other so you're toast.