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confused and desperate for answers 🙃

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  • confused and desperate for answers 🙃

    Recently Iíve started this on going friends with benefit relationship with a friend from high school. Heís not much older than me heís 22 and Iím 19. The first time was purely lust and I could that right off the bat. However the last time was completely different. We started texting each other everyday I even told him how my ex was super abusive (reasons why I donít pick up on normal hints). I was able to give him a great massage and talk to him about him being stressed about work and how he should take better care of himself (heís been listening to me and is cutting out some bad habits). At one point I was just playing with his hair and was so calm. This time the sex was more sensual. We never made major eye contact and he actually held me closer, he was super mindful of his pace. We both finished joked around while getting dressed. So idk whatís happening since he says he has no feelings and heís a bad person. However he treats me good, holds my hand, listen to me whine. Any good advice for me?

  • #2
    Mmm someone else who's dazed.... at least you're not perpetually confused.

    If he tells you he doesn't have feelings for you, believe him. People can have sex and still care for each other. It doesn't mean he's in love with you. If you're not getting frustrated with the situation and enjoy your time together why don't you just see where it goes? How did he react when you told him about your past?

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    • #3
      He was super understanding and told me he would never hurt me especially since he watched his dad beat his mom. He told me heíll protect me. Heís actually never mentioned not having feeling for me when I actually think about it. He just hasnít had the best luck with relationships too. Heís basically saying heís big and bad however heís usually super cuddly with me

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      • #4
        Oh. Well, what's the problem then and what's causing you confusion? You're already enjoying that intimacy together. What else do you want? A relationship? Relationships involve a bit more sense than fwb. If you don't know him very well, maybe get to know each other a bit better before crossing that bridge.

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        • #5
          Iím not the best at explaining things. Iím confused about the sudden change in his demeanor, why change from just fucking and keeping it simple to us talking more on a more personal level sharing secrets, bitching about work ect like we went to high school together weíre pretty close. I like my gut tells me he wants to take it further but my mind is telling me no.

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          • #6
            I wouldn't think he's taking it further. Fwbs generally get to know each other fairly well and friendships are not out of the ordinary. You both sound like good friends and a support system for each other but nothing more. If there is potential it's clouded and hazy, filled with whatever insecurities and hang ups you both have that got you here to fwb status in the first place. Generally fwb situations are created from disillusionment, lack of trust, much higher priorities in other places (ie work/career/family/sickness etc), trauma, sadness or transitioning periods in life. People who are fwbs usually don't have the capacity, time, resources etc to engage in full term/long term committed relationships. These are just facts that I've encountered in my dating life. If you understand how the friends with benefits (sex+friendship with no strings) works and the types of individuals who generally gravitate towards these relationships, you may learn more about yourself and why you're in this situation. If you find yourself falling in love with him be honest with yourself and walk away from someone who can't give you what you seek/want (be respectful to yourself and this other person). The same goes vice versa if he's falling for you and you are just not feeling it.

            I'm getting the sense that you're looking for signs that aren't there and if they are there (on his part) they are foggy with issues (as in both you and him have issues) and lack of commitment/fear. For that reason, don't assume anything about him or what he feels about you. Let it unfold naturally if you're not getting frustrated, as I said above. If you want to talk about that with him, go ahead. If you're so close as you say, why not? If it gets awkward, come to a solution and work it out together as adults. Be respectful towards each other.

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            • #7
              Dazednhungry I hope he's not using you just for sex but it sounds like it. He's affectionate leading up to sex, has sex with you and after that there is no other interaction until sex again next time and then repeat over again. There is no real girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. It's just sex and that's it.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                Sounds like he's worried he is going to be like his dad, but is clearly the opposite. It seems to be going great for you. There is something beautiful between you. Just enjoy it

                (Petty dig Rose. Perfect example of a bully).
                Last edited by Dazed & Confused; November 8th, 2018, 08:19 AM.

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                • #9
                  Oops. Are you crying? If you want to follow me around the forums and act like a little shit, I'm happy to play. Right back atcha, honey!

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                    Oops. Are you crying? If you want to follow me around the forums and act like a little shit, I'm happy to play. Right back atcha, honey!
                    Why are you being so nasty? If you think I'm following you around the forum it must mean every other user is too. I've made a report to the admins about your bullying, but it seems I wasn't the only one

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post

                      Why are you being so nasty? If you think I'm following you around the forum it must mean every other user is too. I've made a report to the admins about your bullying, but it seems I wasn't the only one
                      Yes, and I know who those members are and the ones who like to private message. I don't recall being nasty at all until the last couple of days. I don't care for nasty behaviour myself or rude comments but if you do want to find every reason to prove you're right in a thread at the expense of others, I have to wonder why. It seems very difficult for you to make your point without putting someone else down or deriding their comments. I've said before everyone is entitled to their opinion. I've never made others feel terrible because of their thoughts or their perspective. You seem to be very good at it. Some of your comments I've responded and explained where I'm coming from but they seem to fall on deaf ears for you....or you suddenly become illiterate and can't read or respond intelligently. Or perhaps you simply think it's beneath you to respond, picking out only the negative and what you disagree with - you can see how this makes for unpleasant conversation. Regardless, we obviously disagree on many points. You don't seem to accept anything I say based on lived experience or personal opinion (discrediting most of what I think in a very rude or passive aggressive manner) and I think you're a little thick skulled. Regarding your reports, I've done the same, honey.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post

                        Yes, and I know who those members are and the ones who like to private message. I don't recall being nasty at all until the last couple of days. I don't care for nasty behaviour myself or rude comments but if you do want to find every reason to prove you're right in a thread at the expense of others, I have to wonder why. It seems very difficult for you to make your point without putting someone else down or deriding their comments. I've said before everyone is entitled to their opinion. I've never made others feel terrible because of their thoughts or their perspective. You seem to be very good at it. Some of your comments I've responded and explained where I'm coming from but they seem to fall on deaf ears for you....or you suddenly become illiterate and can't read or respond intelligently. Or perhaps you simply think it's beneath you to respond, picking out only the negative and what you disagree with - you can see how this makes for unpleasant conversation. Regardless, we obviously disagree on many points. You don't seem to accept anything I say based on lived experience or personal opinion (discrediting most of what I think in a very rude or passive aggressive manner) and I think you're a little thick skulled. Regarding your reports, I've done the same, honey.
                        This gave me a good laugh. Whatever though. Delude yourself all you want!

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post

                          This gave me a good laugh. Whatever though. Delude yourself all you want!
                          Also just proved my point. Passive aggressive and thick skulled.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post

                            Also just proved my point. Passive aggressive and thick skulled.
                            Whatever. Call me all the names you want if it makes you feel superior. I don't care lol

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post

                              Whatever. Call me all the names you want if it makes you feel superior. I don't care lol
                              No, honey. I'm identifying your behaviour and answering your question about why I'm nasty. If you don't like that shit, don't dish it. I'm happy to interact and share ideas with you.

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