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Some online dating advice needed!

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  • Some online dating advice needed!

    Hi everyone! Iíd really appreciate some advice on my current dating situation as Iím so confused!

    So, Iím 29 and Iíve been dating a guy I met online now and weíve been on about 6 dates, which he has all initiated. All the dates have been fantastic and I started staying over at his for the night, however I was a bit concerned that it was all going to fizzle out when I went on holiday for three weeks travelling Australia. So I was interested to see how it would play out...

    So the time came and he text me on the day to have a safe flight and amazing time and that we should catch up over some wine when I get back. Then a few days later he text me a photo of himself (nothing rude just a selfie) and I replied with a couple of photos from the trip and asked him how everything in London was going. Five days later he eventually replied but totally ignored my question on how he is so I decided to just not respond, especially as I had seen that on his dating profile he has changed some of his photos recently.

    Anyway, maybe another 5 or so days later I get a very random message from him asking where he could get a card from in my area (I live near to where he works). So I replied and then again silence...

    The other day I accidently called him very briefly (fortunately he didnít pick up) and asked me how the trip was and whether I was back this weekend and if so, Iíll most likely be spending the week sleeping on and off to get over the jet lag. I replied again and said the trip was really good and that Iím just going to throw myself back into real life and see if I sink or swim and again nothing 3 days later despite having seen my message and been online multiple times...

    Maybe Iím overthinking everything but can someone help me out here? Before I went on the trip, he was very proactive and since Iíve left thereís constant long silences....

  • #2
    He's dating around and scouting out his other prospects. Trust your instincts. Six dates is plenty to decide whether to go exclusive or whether a person wants to get to know you (and only you!) better. You both didn't get to that point because it's a delicate matter and usually should be handled with gentlemanly flair. And gentlemanly flair is something this man does NOT have OR you simply didn't trigger him to behave that way (he's not that into you). He has every right to do what he pleases and you both were not in a relationship, per say. I know it doesn't feel good for you but I'd take the hint and block him completely. Don't get so hung up on someone who treats you like that six dates in. I don't think you did anything wrong. Just screen better. You caught all the fishy signs early - being online, delayed messages, changing profile photos and fidgeting online, unfocused communication (he's distracted obviously and can't remember all the details of every conversation with every woman he's talking to). Trust yourself. Close this chapter and move forward. Don't write off online dating completely but take a break if you have to for yourself. I met my husband on a dating app. If you're not sure, I'll be the one to tell you that a good man who really loves you would never treat you that way and he would want to be with you from day 1. Your head should be clear from doubts, your heart should be light and you should be excited, happy and joyous. This is not even 1% of what it should feel like.

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    • #3
      ElishaTem Something doesn't add up with this guy. I'd consider him history if I were you. He's lost interest and has since moved on as should you. He's not worth your heartbreak. He sounds like a flake.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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      • #4
        Hi, thanks a lot for the advice. I just canít bend my head around it as before I left weíve had dates and heís shown me for example photos from a very serious surgery he had and he told me heís never shown anyone them before. Iíve always been a bit concerned because heís 32 and never really had anything long term which was a big red flag to begin with and then also said he has concerns at times because he is so used to being by himself.

        Do you think I should:
        1. Ask him directly
        2. Block him and move on
        3. Delete his number and move on

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        • #5
          Ohh or option 4. I call an end to it directly by tellling him

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          • #6
            Originally posted by ElishaTem View Post
            Hi, thanks a lot for the advice. I just canít bend my head around it as before I left weíve had dates and heís shown me for example photos from a very serious surgery he had and he told me heís never shown anyone them before. Iíve always been a bit concerned because heís 32 and never really had anything long term which was a big red flag to begin with and then also said he has concerns at times because he is so used to being by himself.

            Do you think I should:
            1. Ask him directly
            2. Block him and move on
            3. Delete his number and move on
            Number 2 and 3 together.

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            • #7
              ET, showing you pictures of a major surgery doesn't mean much. And neither does being used to being by one's self (there are plenty of healthy independent people who are in committed relationships). You're grasping at straws here and trying to define a person based on superficial knowledge. Let him go. Follow what D&C said.

              You may have had initial chemistry and good pull between the both of you to enjoy some time together but those warning signs are there and most of all it's not your fault. It's really up to you how you want to perceive them or what you want to do next.

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