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  • Insane attraction

    Hey. New here. Anyway, there's this girl I work with. When we first met I didn't really notice her that much, but fast forward 4 months later, and I find myself hopelessly in love with her. She knows and prefers to keep it friendly.

    I find myself staring at pics of her on my phone (selfies we've taken) for minutes at a time. I think about her all the time. I fantasize constantly about kissing her. It's driving me nuts. It's gotten so bad, I've actually considered quitting my job so I wouldn't have to see her everyday.

    she's significantly younger than me, but my heart doesn't seem to care that much. I try to keep myself occupied throughout the day and suppress the emotions, but they resurface stronger than ever every single time.

    I wish I wasn't in love with her. My life would be much simpler if I wasn't, but I can't turn it off. Do I keep chasing her like a love sick puppy? Do I quit my job? I'm losing my mind.

  • #2
    You're hardly in love with her. You're infatuated and obsessed with the idea of her.

    You say she prefers to keep it friendly. I would do as she asks. Take up a new hobby.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
      You're hardly in love with her. You're infatuated and obsessed with the idea of her.

      You say she prefers to keep it friendly. I would do as she asks. Take up a new hobby.
      Got a few hobbies and time fillers. Gym, video games, creative write course, editing my manuscript, family, football viewing parties with friends, playing pool with friends from work and of course work itself. I don't have time for another hobby.

      Just a week ago I drove 80 miles just because I wanted to see her. Could not bear the idea of spending the weekend without seeing her. All the way there I kept asking myself: "What the f*** are you doing? Turn around! This is hopeless!", but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just kept going.

      About a month ago she wanted to order Sushi. I wasn't the least bit hungry, but the idea of saying no to her was not an option. I wanted her to be happy so I ordered the Sushi, insisted on paying for it and forced myself to eat it just so she wouldn't notice I wasn't hungry at all.

      We went jogging together a few times. I hate jogging, but she asked so I agreed every single time.

      If all those things still do not mean I'm in love with her, what would? Taking a bullet for her? The way I feel about her now, chances are I'd do that too. I just don't know what to do about this. I see her every day at work and it drives me crazy every time. The only option I can think of is quitting, but she insists I shouldn't do that and that she doesn't want to be the reason for it. I'm stuck between being miserable and having no income.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Centrinario View Post

        Got a few hobbies and time fillers. Gym, video games, creative write course, editing my manuscript, family, football viewing parties with friends, playing pool with friends from work and of course work itself. I don't have time for another hobby.

        Just a week ago I drove 80 miles just because I wanted to see her. Could not bear the idea of spending the weekend without seeing her. All the way there I kept asking myself: "What the f*** are you doing? Turn around! This is hopeless!", but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just kept going.

        About a month ago she wanted to order Sushi. I wasn't the least bit hungry, but the idea of saying no to her was not an option. I wanted her to be happy so I ordered the Sushi, insisted on paying for it and forced myself to eat it just so she wouldn't notice I wasn't hungry at all.

        We went jogging together a few times. I hate jogging, but she asked so I agreed every single time.

        If all those things still do not mean I'm in love with her, what would? Taking a bullet for her? The way I feel about her now, chances are I'd do that too. I just don't know what to do about this. I see her every day at work and it drives me crazy every time. The only option I can think of is quitting, but she insists I shouldn't do that and that she doesn't want to be the reason for it. I'm stuck between being miserable and having no income.
        You are NOT in love with her. You are infatuated only. And with someone who is not in the least bit interested in you.
        You as you say are significantly older than her and yet you would quit your job rather than get over your little crush.
        How old are you?? You certainly donít seem to have any maturity about you.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

          You are NOT in love with her. You are infatuated only.
          So I ask again - If the things I've mentioned do not indicate being in love, what would? What's the indication of being in love? The undisputed sign, if you will?

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Centrinario View Post

            So I ask again - If the things I've mentioned do not indicate being in love, what would? What's the indication of being in love? The undisputed sign, if you will?
            Love doesn't drive people mad. It's like a middle-ground with two sides, not one end of a spectrum. You are too far to one end of the spectrum and the other side (her desire for you) is on the complete opposite end. Let it go.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by User12125 View Post
              Let it go.
              How? Electro shock therapy? I can't control how my heart rate spikes when I see her. It isn't voluntary. And I've already mentioned I have enough day to day stuff going on, so a new hobby isn't an option.

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              • #8
                I'm more concerned about the issues with your no income situation. What do you mean you have no income? You said you were working. Are you working towards any future goals, saving up for anything? Who do you live with? Try to re-orient yourself and put your feet back on the ground. If you lose (or quit) this job, what are your alternatives? Who pays your car/gas bill or whose car are you driving for free rides? Work through these questions. I think you're running away from reality. It's not about this girl. Sorry. If you are running away from your reality this crush is just a symptom of a larger problem. She can fade out any time and there will be other girls just like her and you'll fall into the same trap. My best suggestion to you is to take a good look at your life (the whole thing) and ask yourself some difficult questions.
                Last edited by Rose Mosse; October 14th, 2018, 02:31 AM.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Centrinario View Post

                  How? Electro shock therapy? I can't control how my heart rate spikes when I see her. It isn't voluntary. And I've already mentioned I have enough day to day stuff going on, so a new hobby isn't an option.
                  Delete her pics to start with!
                  You are as I and others have said not in love. What you are is deluded.
                  Start talking to your logical self. Realise that you have simply developed an unhealthy crush on someone who will never be available to you.
                  Stop treating or thinking of her in anyway other than professional.
                  She is a work colleague only.

                  And your heart rate doesnít spike! Have you worn a heart rate monitor?
                  That feeling is called anxiety.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                    Delete her pics to start with!
                    You are as I and others have said not in love. What you are is deluded.
                    Start talking to your logical self. Realise that you have simply developed an unhealthy crush on someone who will never be available to you.
                    Stop treating or thinking of her in anyway other than professional.
                    She is a work colleague only.

                    And your heart rate doesnít spike! Have you worn a heart rate monitor?
                    That feeling is called anxiety.
                    You can feel it when your heart rate spikes... And that is in fact what anxiety does. What he isn't recognizing is that it's in his head.

                    Centrinario, while you may not be able to control it directly, there are ways to get over it. First, get over yourself. Second, realize logically that you are making a mistake. Third, take the big steps and make the decisions needed to get over her. This may include deleting pictures as others have said, avoiding excessive or all contact, etc.
                    I also can't stress enough how much you need to sort out your priorities... I don't care how much you love her, if you are wrecking your future to get her interested when she has told you no, then maybe you need therapy. Even if you want to continue to pursue her, at this point it should be very low in your list of priorities. It should never be your top priority.

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                    • #11
                      I think if you've never been in love, it is difficult to tell infatuation/lust apart from love, as a feeling. Love is much more powerful in the sense that it is unconditional and you would sacrifice your own desire at times for the other person's happiness, your happiness is to see them happy and to commit to them and care for them - sometimes, unfortunately even when they don't return the love. But love is also a choice (a brain thing and not just a heart and act-out-all-crazy thing), and it is self-control and patience and kindness and all these things that can clearly see who you still are in the relationship and that you are choosing to serve the other person in these ways. Basically, you are acting out of interest - out of obsession - it doesn't help you stare at photos of you two and fantasize - seriously doesn't help - you're allowing ways for yourself to get attached even more. Even if what you are experiencing is more than infatuation/attraction - you say she doesn't return it. You also say you are older than her. So, that means you have to find some way to 'wean' yourself off of thoughts of being with her someday. It will be harder to let go the longer you allow it to 'grow' in your heart. Also, you see her often because of work - any chance you wouldn't have fallen for her in another environment that wasn't as consistent? It sounds like you have other healthy interests, but is there something going on in your life that is creating this extra attachment to her - kind of like an alternative world or escape from reality for you? Just remember - she doesn't want that sort of relationship - anything you fantasize about is false and won't be happening. There's many people in the world that may be more fitting for you - age-wise and affection-wise. Don't chase someone who won't view you the same way and has expressed it! Don't be friends wit her right now as you can't handle it emotionally. You could switch jobs if you feel that is the only way to overcome your feelings - if that is plausible for you. Back to your title, "insane attraction," I think you worded it well - it's not love, just attraction.
                      Last edited by ArtsyAngel63; October 14th, 2018, 05:38 AM.

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                      • #12
                        If I were you I wouldn't give up. I would continue showing her clearly with simple gests that I have feelings for her. I would treat her like queen everyday. I would tell her everything. In person. Without being aggressive though. I would be very careful not to act like a maniac but I wouldn't give up. I would just show her that she's special to me and I am ready to fight for her.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                          I'm more concerned about the issues with your no income situation. What do you mean you have no income? You said you were working. Are you working towards any future goals,
                          I'm working on getting a novel published (not romantic, so nothing to read into that) and I do have a job. When I said "no income", I was referring to a theoretical situation in which I quit my job so I wouldn't have to see her everyday, because it's pretty much like psychological torture. That's what it feels like, anyway.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by ArtsyAngel63 View Post
                            Love is much more powerful in the sense that it is unconditional and you would sacrifice your own desire at times for the other person's happiness, your happiness is to see them happy and to commit to them and care for them
                            That's kinda the thing. I do often find myself placing her happiness over mine. I feel like I want to take care of her. Pamper her. Make her feel good. That's what I constantly feel when I look at her and talk to her, even regarding mundane stuff during work.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by pipie View Post
                              If I were you I wouldn't give up. I would continue showing her clearly with simple gests that I have feelings for her. I would treat her like queen everyday. I would tell her everything. In person. Without being aggressive though. I would be very careful not to act like a maniac but I wouldn't give up. I would just show her that she's special to me and I am ready to fight for her.
                              That's what I've been doing exactly for a while now. Goalposts have barely moved, so it does feel hopeless at times, and I think to myself about giving up, but then I see her again and the idea of giving up vanishes. It's driving me nuts.

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