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We have feelings for each other, but nothing is happening.

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  • We have feelings for each other, but nothing is happening.

    So me and this girl have been talking for a while now, we have gone out on numerous dates such as going out to eat, movies, walks, etc. We kiss, etc. We text all day, sometimes talk on the phone for hours. We let each other know when we get home from a certain location etc. Honestly, we do alot of things that you would do in an actual relationship. We also work together, well not for long because she found herself a different job. We are very close that our co workers ask questions. Even the boss asked her the day she gave him her 2 week notice if the rumors were true if we were a couple. For the record, we keep it professional at work.
    The truth is, I really like her, I fell for her. She has feelings for me too. She is a very busy person, yet does her best to make time for me. 6 weeks ago, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She didn't say yes to me, but also gave me the idea that she wasnt saying no to me either. I guess she needed a bit of time.
    I talked to her again yesterday after we got off work, but it was a short talk because she needed to see the manager at another branch. She told me that her priority is starting her career and wants to put her 100% focus into that. We are supposed to actually talk tonight with more time.
    Honestly, when I first asked her to be my girlfriend and she didnt say yes, I thought it was a done deal. But over the past few weeks its like we got even closer to one another. I met her mom and her mom even likes me.The times we hung out she actually told her parents she was hanging out with me.
    2 weeks ago, she got on my phone and she decided to put a picture of us as my wallpaper. To this day its still up. When we talked yesterday, she told me that I have every right to enjoy my life, as in seeing other people. Yet i know it would hurt her if I were to do that.
    I don't want to do that, I only want her. Right before it was time for her to leave, I asked her a simple question. I asked her if she wanted me to change the wallpaper on my phone. I felt that depending on the answer she would give me, it would give me the idea that something serious will or wont happen between us. She was quiet for a few seconds and said "its up to you". Then I told her "No, I want you to tell me". She just looked at the ground, choked up for a bit, and barely nodded her head saying no, but it was to the point where she didnt want me to see her saying no.

    I know she has been through alot in her previous relationships. She mentioned yesterday that at this point she doesnt want to deal with the "stress" of being in a relationship. The thing that bothers me is that she imagines the same thing will happen to her previous relationships.
    It bothers me that while I understand that she wants to put her focus into starting her career, she is happy when we hang out together. We have so much fun together and it hurts that she doesn't want to give this a try.

    We have worked together for more than a year, but the talking actually began 6 months ago, and it got serious the last 3-4 months.

    What should I do? What should I say when we hang out and talk tonight?

  • #2
    I think you should stop asking her to be your girlfriend. She has indicated more than once that she doesn't want a relationship, even though she's happy to hang out with you. I think you're reading too much into her 'choking up and looking at the ground' when you asked her about the picture on your phone.

    She obviously considers you a friend. If you want more than that you need to look elsewhere.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      What should I do? What should I say when we hang out and talk tonight?
      Well, you likely won't do it and you'll think I'm nuts but if she doesn't want anything but friendship from you (when it suits her because her sole focus will be on getting her career up and started) then you should tell her that you don't want to be just her friend, wish her luck and then walk away.

      You don't want to mire yourself emotionally to her if all she wants is your companionship when you want to be her boyfriend. It will stagnate you from finding a chick that you can bond with that DOES want to be your girlfriend.

      P.S. Delete the picture of the two of you from your wallpaper before you see her.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!