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What's the catch? (2)

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  • What's the catch? (2)

    *NOTE* This is a repost that was made to avoid the topic being sidetracked.

    Hi, so I posted something similar to this a while ago, but I have some updates. First let me fill in everything else... So there is a girl sitting right in front of me in my college class (1hr 15m lecture 2 days a week, that's it) and she is gorgeous. I found her on social media by her first name, and she had a boyfriend 2 years ago but there hasn't been any evidence of her being in a relationship since (and her status is set to single). That is also the only boyfriend there is evidence of her having. I have glanced at her when walking by a few times but aside from the likelihood that she saw me with her peripheral vision, I don't think she has looked back at me (at least not deliberately). She seems to get to class 10-15 minutes before the class starts and about 5 minutes before class starts her friend comes and sits down next to her (they leave the class together as well). She is also 3 years older than me, please let me know your opinion about that.
    My main question is, what's the catch??? She's gorgeous and seemingly single and there is no evidence at all that she is a bad person. She posted a picture #nationalboyfriendday but it was with a girl... I doubt she is bisexual, so my assumption is that it's a joke and she is in fact single. As for what the catch is, I have narrowed it down to these possibilities: She is enclosed about relationships and only wants to date a good guy, she isn't open to relationships, she has a boyfriend but isn't open about it, or she is a bad person and nobody wants to date her.

    As for approaching her, the plan I made with my friends is to talk to her before class next week (next class date) by sitting a couple seats over from her (about 2-3 feet) and just introduce myself and ask a couple questions just to break the ice and make an acquaintance with her, and then pay attention to class. After that, the plan would be to simply wave and say hi (hoping she says hi back) on the next class day, and the class day after that to actually talk to her and ask her if she'd like to hang out (if all goes well up to that point).

    Please let me know what you think about all of this and if you have any suggestions, because the anxiety is killing me and I won't be going back to class until Tuesday.






    SarahLancaster said:
    Maybe she doesn't want a boyfriend. Maybe she's happy being free to date a variety of guys.

    Your plan sounds fine, but be prepared for rejection. She may not want to hang out with someone 3 years younger.

  • #2
    I think your approach is fine. Just talk with her normally. That's very considerate of you to postpone the asking out until the next class after that. Leave her some room inbetween. Be yourself and listen to what she has to say.

    What I don't understand is the title of your post. Why are you so suspicious of someone you don't even know? Don't worry so much about there being a catch. She's just a girl. Treat her respectfully and like a young lady and if she's well brought up she'll respond in like. If she's not interested in you, hopefully she'll just be honest with you. This is a fairly innocent interaction and if you know you are a "good guy" there's nothing to fear. Try not to overthink it.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; October 11th, 2018, 11:30 PM.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
      I think your approach is fine. Just talk with her normally. That's very considerate of you to postpone the asking out until the next class after that. Leave her some room inbetween. Be yourself and listen to what she has to say.

      What I don't understand is the title of your post. Why are you so suspicious of someone you don't even know? Don't worry so much about there being a catch. She's just a girl. Treat her respectfully and like a young lady and if she's well brought up she'll respond in like. If she's not interested in you, hopefully she'll just be honest with you. This is a fairly innocent interaction and if you know you are a "good guy" there's nothing to fear. Try not to overthink it.
      Thanks for the response. The reason I said that is because there is no apparent reason for her to not have a boyfriend, and most of the reasons she wouldn't would also affect my chances with her. My main concern is that she has a bad personality, but that doesn't fit well because she'd likely still have a boyfriend. She'd have to be a complete monster for NOBODY to date her.

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      • #4
        Hm. I'm going to speak gently here. I think you may be underestimating the female sex. Try not to over-assume anything about her or what she's about. I'd reiterate Sarah's earlier comment that she may very well not want to date at all and this should not affect your view of her (she's allowed to make her own choices and reject dates entirely, and this does not mean she is a monster). If you're looking to overcome that three year age gap try not to let these fears get to you - about a bad personality or the presence of an imaginary (so far) boyfriend. Remember she's her own being and she has the right to date or not on her own terms whether she wants to or not. Also, if she has a bad personality, that's her prerogative too. You have to respect that about someone but you don't have to have that person in your life or acknowledge that person. You seem to fear the unknown. Don't fear it - welcome it and get familiar with it. Life is full of unknowns and risks. Be realistic, treat her like a lady and don't get too ahead of yourself with the what ifs. Just be cool and chat with her.

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        • #5
          If you look on my social media it would appear that I have not had a relationship for 8 years. Why? Because I realised I donít want the world knowing my personal affairs. Have I been single for 8 years? A potential stalker would think so. But thatís not the case.

          Just because she has options out there doesnít mean any of them are attractive options to her. (Not talking physically)
          Often to remain single is the best option at any given moment.

          You have already assumed that there must be something wrong with her if she isnít taken.
          I assume the opposite. (Unless evidence to suggest otherwise)

          Why are you single? Something wrong with you? Or your choice to be? Or havenít met someone yet ?
          What?

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post
            If you look on my social media it would appear that I have not had a relationship for 8 years. Why? Because I realised I donít want the world knowing my personal affairs. Have I been single for 8 years? A potential stalker would think so. But thatís not the case.

            Just because she has options out there doesnít mean any of them are attractive options to her. (Not talking physically)
            Often to remain single is the best option at any given moment.

            You have already assumed that there must be something wrong with her if she isnít taken.
            I assume the opposite. (Unless evidence to suggest otherwise)

            Why are you single? Something wrong with you? Or your choice to be? Or havenít met someone yet ?
            What?
            I don't assume the opposite, I know that it may be one way or the other, but it would be unfortunate if it was the opposite. And I haven't met someone yet.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
              Hm. I'm going to speak gently here. I think you may be underestimating the female sex. Try not to over-assume anything about her or what she's about. I'd reiterate Sarah's earlier comment that she may very well not want to date at all and this should not affect your view of her (she's allowed to make her own choices and reject dates entirely, and this does not mean she is a monster). If you're looking to overcome that three year age gap try not to let these fears get to you - about a bad personality or the presence of an imaginary (so far) boyfriend. Remember she's her own being and she has the right to date or not on her own terms whether she wants to or not. Also, if she has a bad personality, that's her prerogative too. You have to respect that about someone but you don't have to have that person in your life or acknowledge that person. You seem to fear the unknown. Don't fear it - welcome it and get familiar with it. Life is full of unknowns and risks. Be realistic, treat her like a lady and don't get too ahead of yourself with the what ifs. Just be cool and chat with her.
              I mean I don't think I underestimate them, I am just naturally worried about bad outcomes. But I never said her not wanting to date would make her a monster, I said that if she was single because she's a bad person that she'd have to be a complete monster or she would still have a boyfriend.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by User12125 View Post

                I mean I don't think I underestimate them, I am just naturally worried about bad outcomes. But I never said her not wanting to date would make her a monster, I said that if she was single because she's a bad person that she'd have to be a complete monster or she would still have a boyfriend.
                Hm..I understand. Well, if she is single because she's a bad person you'll find out soon enough. Not everyone is what you might initially make them out to be. The monster part is still a bit hazy to me but I think you're worried in general she's a bad person. There are all kinds out there. What matters is what kind of man you are. That'll determine what type of woman you attract so just worry about you for now. Everything will fall into place.

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                • #9
                  Alright, so considering the fact that she posted a #nationalboyfriendday picture with a girl me and my friends agree that that has to be a joke and she is completely single... So with that being reassuring, my plan is still to go to class 15 minutes early (or wait for her to get there as I hang out one room over) and then talk to her. What I need help with now is what to say? This conversation we thought shouldn't be too big of a conversation (unless it goes really well), just enough to break the ice and then I can talk to her again on a different day. As for what to ask, I was thinking just walk up and say "Do you mind if I sit here?" and if she says yes then welp sucks for me, but if she says it's okay then I'd sit down and introduce myself. To break the ice some questions I thought I could ask to make small talk would be things like "What are you majoring in?" and "What other classes are you taking?" but that's about all I've got. A friend suggested "Where are you from?" but that seems a bit too personal to ask in the first conversation to me. Those two questions should be enough to start a small conversation if she is interested in talking. If she isn't then it's pretty safe to say that the conversation shouldn't continue, right?
                  But another thing about things to say, the class is extremely easy and boring so unless you have an incredibly short attention span and/or can't retain information at all, you're easily passing this class, so it would be pointless to ask about it. (So, yeah, this is literally the worst possible non-online class you could be in if you wanted to meet someone in it.)

                  I also definitely know that I am overthinking it but I am a very analytical person so if I didn't think about it this much I would probably slip up and not know what to say. Having a natural conversation comes easy, but starting one out of nothing is difficult. But maybe it will be incredibly easy actually doing it, hard to say.

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                  • #10
                    Why do you have to ask if you can sit in an obviously empty seat?
                    Just sit in it and when opportunity arises to say something , say it!

                    Does she always sit in the same seat? Does she keep a seat for a friend?
                    Does everyone sit in the same seat?

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post
                      Why do you have to ask if you can sit in an obviously empty seat?
                      Just sit in it and when opportunity arises to say something , say it!

                      Does she always sit in the same seat? Does she keep a seat for a friend?
                      Does everyone sit in the same seat?
                      I would ask to not be rude as most of the class is empty. Sitting right next to someone with empty seats everywhere is obviously deliberate and would seem kinda weird to just do so I thought it would be best if I made sure she was okay with it. Maybe it'd also be taken as being polite.
                      She does sit in the same seat every day (as do I, right behind her) and her friend sits right next to her. I believe there is always empty seats to her right (opposite her friend) but she also puts her bag on the seat right next to her.

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                      • #12
                        Don't sit in the seat where she puts her bag.

                        Will it be awkward for you to be in the same class if she declines your offer for a date?
                        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                          Don't sit in the seat where she puts her bag.

                          Will it be awkward for you to be in the same class if she declines your offer for a date?
                          I have said a couple seats away... Her bag doesn't take up much space so it shouldn't be like a barrier at all. It's a huge lecture hall, I don't think it would matter if I sat somewhere else, but it would be fine by me to continue sitting behind her as long as it wouldn't be uncomfortable for her and the interaction wasn't awkward. Would it be uncomfortable for her if I continued to sit behind her?
                          Last edited by User12125; October 13th, 2018, 04:22 PM.

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                          • #14
                            I'd also like to get back to what to say if we could.

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                            • #15
                              What is the course?
                              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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