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WTF is going on? Help!

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  • WTF is going on? Help!

    I matched with this guy online about 2.5 weeks ago. The first meet went really well and he asked me out for that same night. What stood out to me is he told me he was looking for a serious relationship with a future, and that he is a relationship guy, right off the bat. He initiated the “what are you looking for?” convo and seemed very engaged in all my answers and wanted to know my relationship history. He also told me he “really likes me” on nearly every date beginning on date 2. I got nothing but very positive vibes from him. VERY positive. He asked me out again the next morning. Over the next 2 weeks, we went out together on very thoughtful and expensive dates that he paid for almost every other day. He texted me good morning everyday and all day. Our last date (5 days ago) was the best yet by far, in my opinion. It was noticeably more intimate. We exchanged I like You’s and held hands and cuddled the whole night. Before this he wasn’t very touchy feely. We talked about our love languages and relationship needs. He left on a weekend fishing trip with buddies and we made plans to cook the fish together when he returns.

    Since that morning, he hasn’t initiated a text convo with me. When I text him he’s as responsive as before. I mentioned I’d be at a work conference he’s attending and he was very excited; sent me screenshots of his schedule that week, flight info and said he’d hook me up at the conference. Seeing this, I asked him out and he said he has a client meeting but he will come if it’s canceled. It wasn’t and we never met up (this was yesterday). He said he’s frustrated that he had to work so again with the positive nudge I asked if he can reschedule for Thursday (tomorrow). No reply. No texts today.

    I feel completely confused and honestly embarrassed. I have no clue what’s going on. Did I do something to totally turn him off or am I being paranoid? I feel too shy to tell him it’s my birthday next week and will probably not reach out at the conference either unless he does something before. I am not reaching out again. This may be the end. It’s a shame because I really liked him.

    Can someone help ? I don’t want to run and/or sabotage.

  • #2
    You matched online 17 days ago and last saw him 5 days ago. So your dates were over a 12 day period. How many dates?
    Does he actually live locally to you? This conference is a flight away for him? And for you?

    Saying he wants a serious relationship is just words. Maybe he is already in one? Married even?

    The too much too soon is a red flag! Very positive vibes that early on is a tell tale sign of something not quite right or not adding up?

    Can I ask you why YOU were so available in such a short time of 12 days?
    That is only attractive to a player!

    Comment


    • #3
      My *guess* is that you're not the only one he is dating and perhaps he had taken another woman to the conference with him and therefore needed to make himself (and her) scarce so the two of you wouldn't run into one another.

      You went on a few expensive dates. Curious... did you offer to pay your half or cover the tip or anything?

      He may get in contact again but if I were you, I'd take my heart off my sleeve and I'd certainly not be going to bed with him until I was sure he was single and has become somewhat emotionally connected to me. He isn't at this point nor should he be after only a couple of dates.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Sorry guys. I realize from the replies I wrote that in a confusing manner. We went on 6 dates in 2 weeks. It was fast and I mainly got alarmed by the change up in pace/intensity the last few days. Was noticeably “pulling away” compared to before. We are local. He is definitely not married or has a girlfriend. The conference is two weeks away and it is out of town for both of us. He was giving me his schedule so we could coordinate travel plans but I felt on-edge because I felt abandoned this week.
        I ended up texting him and asking if anything was up because I felt a different energy from him. He apologized and reassured me that he’s just having a crazy week of stuff going on so he’s been distracted and tied up. We’re planning to talk more in depth this weekend.

        I think he got spooked by things getting too real too fast and pushed away. Clearly I got scared and anxious in my own special way too. I’ll wait to see what he says this weekend but we should probably slow down for my sanity at least.

        Comment


        • #5
          Did he actually say he'd "hook you up at the conference"? I'm hoping that was a typo and he instead said he'd look you up.
          I'm not sold on this guy and the space inbetween for his text messages after a very different pattern of texts you've both been sharing is odd to me. You shouldn't have to chase him. Don't do it next time. Let him come to you and if he isn't responding the way you want him to (you're allowed to have preferences and know what you like and don't like while dating), move on from this guy and stop responding or meeting up with him. I'm not really feeling the expensive dates either. You don't really know each other and he's got a dating style that doesn't scream much substance to be honest. Does he really have money or is it a facade? And even if he can afford lavish dates, why would he want to give a woman he barely knows that impression? I'm sure he's a nice man in many ways but I'd be wary. It's worth getting to know each other if you're curious and go ahead and give him the benefit of the doubt. It's more fun that way (you're just dating) and he doesn't seem like a bad person. Just be prepared that he might not be what you're looking for in other ways.

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