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Am i being paranoid or is there something to my suspicions?

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  • Am i being paranoid or is there something to my suspicions?

    39 year old guy here, About 3 weeks ago, i met a girl that is 29 years old that had just been dumped from her boy friend. For 3 weeks we saw each other often and had a good time.She would text and call constantly,she was making a ton of future plans with me, basically my days off and her days off for the next month has been planned and booked alread

    fast forward to Monday this week we had been out drinking with some of my friends when she had to go home early at around 10pm because she had school in the morning.

    we had made plans to go to a local food festival the next day that night because she said she was free on Tuesday.

    all of a sudden around 1am i get a call from her that she has to cancel the food festival the next day because she just remembered she had a big test on thursday and she needed to spend Tuesday studying.

    since the last time i saw her on Monday, our text messages has been cut down to about one third of what it was before. She does have a lot on her plate, she is graduating in one month, and she needs to be moved in to a new place by the end of the month, but that was always the case and she was still texting me and calling me constantly then.

    some of the things thats kind of setting off alarm bells for me is.

    Remembering a major test at 1AM.

    she texted me a bunch of pictures of her test which turned out to be actually practice quizzes > I didn't think she was lying but the fact that she sent me a bunch of "proof" to me with out me prompting her to seems like shes trying to make sure her needing to cancel Tuesdays plans was a real need.

    so basically for the last 5 days where she usually take about 10 min to 2 hours to return a text, its turning in to 6 to 7 hours to return a text. we went from texting each other 10 to 15 times though out the day to texting each other about 3 times.

    she was off the whole day yesterday and we texted each other twice because she took about 6 to 7 hour hours to reply a text to me.

    we have plans to to do a quick drive to San Diego for a quick 1 night vacation on Monday and so far, that has not changed.

    Something seems wrong to me, am i being paranoid and needy or is there something here?


  • #2
    You've known her only three weeks and you're already planning a vacation with her?

    You can't expect to keep up the pace of a courtship at its beginning. People get tired of the constant texting and talking. Maybe she has a lot to do or maybe her attention is waning. Maybe she hasn't gotten over her boyfriend yet.

    I imagine you'll have your answer on Monday.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Yeah, you might be right. She kept on wanting to go spend a night in a mountain cabin with me but the timing wasn't right so we decided to do this quick vacation instead. And so far today, where she usually texts me good morning, she didn't do it to day and i texted her hi and no reply yet. Maybe shes busy in school still or just this is it.

      She was trying so hard to get me to like her and when i finally showed her i did sudden call at 1am to cancel plans and quick to no responses from her after that.

      It just seems weird to go from her making plans to move in next to me and being a couple to no responses from her. I guess sometimes this kinda stuff just happens. Oh well it was fun while it lasted i guess... still so confused as to what happened.

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      • #4
        I hate to be a pessimist. but it does seem like the classic example of getting the slow fade. my gut intuition tells me she met someone else that night out with her friends and now she's juggling you both. If you really like her and you want to "win her" then pull back and let her be the one to chase you. either she will pick you and come back with strong intent, or she will just gradually fade away as she goes toward the other guy. I'd start talking to other girls and stop texting her. don't reply to her texts for 6-7 hours. If it's meant to be then she will come running back. Otherwise you will be on your way to moving on with your life and it won't be such a blow when you find out she's seeing someone else. You were probably a rebound. She may even be getting back with her ex. Sorry man. I know it sucks but thats just how life goes.

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        • #5
          There's a lot of reasons why she might be pulling back. Maybe she talked to her mother, and the mother advised her to slow it down, as she is getting too invested too early on. Maybe she talked to a girlfriend who turned her off from you. The opinion of girlfriends or sisters about a guy you are dating is paramount to how she feels about you. If her girlfriend was not impressed when she showed a picture of you, or described you, that could deflate her feelings really quick. Maybe she found someone recently (online or elsewhere) that impresses her more, and she is doing the slow fade. Maybe she spoke or met with her old boyfriend and is considering reconciling. Maybe you said or did something to turn her off. Maybe she just decided on her own that you weren't right for her, or that she needs to take a step back. I'm guessing it's one of those scenarios. We have no way of knowing why she seems to be creating space. Try not to obsess over it and continue to date others.

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          • #6
            Yeah, I think her behaviour is odd. I wouldn't go on any road trips with her and keep your hang outs or dates to local venues. Get to know each other a bit more. Let her graduate and grow up.

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            • #7
              i met a girl that is 29 years old that had just been dumped from her boy friend.
              ... and maybe she got back with her boyfriend?
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                warlord Why don't you give her the benefit of the doubt and let her finish her studies and exam first? Endless correspondence with texting back 'n forth 24/7 leads to quick burnout. As for her, It is taxing and extremely time-consuming with work, school, studying, exams, etc. Cut her some slack and back off. Give her a break from you, a break from the food festival and let the dates pass. After that, address the issue and see where both of you are. If she continues to keep you at bay, take a hint that she's not that into you and perhaps it's time to eventually fade away.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                  warlord Why don't you give her the benefit of the doubt and let her finish her studies and exam first? Endless correspondence with texting back 'n forth 24/7 leads to quick burnout. As for her, It is taxing and extremely time-consuming with work, school, studying, exams, etc. Cut her some slack and back off. Give her a break from you, a break from the food festival and let the dates pass. After that, address the issue and see where both of you are. If she continues to keep you at bay, take a hint that she's not that into you and perhaps it's time to eventually fade away.
                  I actually agree with that. ^^^
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    phasesofthemoon
                    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                    • #11
                      I know it's past Monday now, so did you take the trip to San Diego?

                      I think she may be a bit immature, but at 39 you seem to be just as immature as well. and may need to step up and be the "real adult" in this situation. It really irks me these days that people rely too much on texting for communication. Instead of texting, waiting, and wondering, why not just pick up the phone and call her and discuss it like a man. Just say something along the lines, of the following:

                      Hi Jennifer, I hadn't heart from you in a few days, and just wanted to call and make sure everything is alright with you.
                      So, how are you doing and what's been going on?

                      This approach can open the door to start the conversation in a positive non-defensive mode, because it will make it seem like you are more concerned about her well-being than how she feels about you at this time. Once she opens up and you get her response, you can then say you're glad to hear the everything is ok, missed hearing from her, and looking forward to the plans you've made to see each other if she still wants to move forward with them. That will open the door even further to see if she really sees herself continuing to hang out with you, or has really decided to not move on.

                      Life is too short to waste time chasing someone who doesn't want to be caught......

                      Good Luck ...and let us know how it goes for you!
                      Last edited by ImUrGRL; September 19th, 2018, 12:03 AM.

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