Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Is she having an emotional affair

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Is she having an emotional affair

    I've been seeing my girlfriend for 2 years. We're both divorced and in our 50's. She has a "friend" who she dated way back in college and they've reconnected at least a year or more ago. I don't know how long ago. She claims they only text each other once in a while. A year ago he stopped by her house with a bottle of wine that he wanted her to try (he's married) She said it was a surprise (how he knew where she lived to surprise her, I don't know) and she was open with me and said that he stopped by as I came over later that evening. Fast forward to today, I asked about him because she mentioned talking to him yesterday. I told her I thought it was inappropriate for her to be carrying on a relationship with him for this long and continuing to text him. She admitted that he wanted to cheat on his wife with her but says she made it clear the answer was 'no.' She has said that he complains to her about his poor relationship with his wife but says that's fine since she gives him advice about how to fix it. She said if she were his wife, she'd be very upset that he's confiding in another woman but she isn't doing anything wrong, she's just listening and giving advice. She talks about her job and problems she has there, he texts her to say he's thinking of her as he's having tacos with his wife (my gf loves tacos, apparently he know this). She says, "i'm very open with people and he's a guy friend and I don't see him, we just text so I know I'm not doing anything wrong." Seems to me if she knows HIS wife would be upset if she knew what they were talking about (and maybe if she even knew they were talking at all) why would it not matter if I'M upset about her talking to him on this level? Am I blowing it out of proportion or is this healthy and normal since I'm not married to her and she's just giving advice but supposedly not flirting with him -- although she does say, in general, a little flirting with others is fun and harmless.

  • #2
    Sharing a bottle of wine with a man that is married and has suggested that he'd like to fuck her is the epitome of inappropriate and she should respect you and the relationship you have together by cutting him off after encouraging him to put the focus he's been putting on her, back onto his wife.

    Your girlfriend is an attention whore who is getting some kind of validation from his attention which she apparently is unwilling to give up any time soon.

    Would she be okay with you doing a date like activity with a past sex partner who you've reconnected with (and wants to cheat on her husband with you) over to share a bottle of wine?

    ^^^^ see how bloody inappropriate that appears just by reading it? ^^^

    Your girlfriend is being very selfish by not giving this guy the advice that he needs to stop talking to her and instead focus on his marriage and wife. It appears that he is grooming her to be his fuck buddy if you want the honest truth. She's no marriage counselor and she flatters herself by thinking that what she advices he's even listening to.
    Last edited by phasesofthemoon; September 14th, 2018, 02:27 PM.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you for your response. I do have to clarify that she did not share the bottle of wine with him. She also did not have sex with him back in college. He stopped by and gave it to her and was off.. supposedly not even coming into the house. I came by about an hour later and opened the wine myself. Not sure if that really makes a big difference but what you say about her giving him the advice that he needs to stop talking to her and focus on his marriage... anything short of that and it certainly seems she's thinking more of herself and whatever she's getting out of this relationship than actually interested in helping him. I also believe no guy is going to complain about his wife to another woman just because he wants advice, he's doing it to let her know things aren't going well and he's open to "options."

      Comment


      • #4
        So...what will you do?

        Comment


        • #5
          Well, if I'm not blowing it out of proportion -- and that's why I'm asking your opinions -- I will definitely talk to her about this and tell her that she needs to give him the advice he needs to get back with his wife rather than making things worse by letting him lean on HER instead of his wife when there are problems. That makes sense and it makes sense that she should respect my feelings especially when she can understand how HIS wife would be upset. The same standard should apply to me and she should be able to see how it's a concern to me.

          Comment


          • #6
            I'm unsure why your girlfriend would carry on this way and I'm afraid that she doesn't feel the same way about you, to be honest. If you have to limit your partner's involvement with a friend and your partner doesn't have their own innate sense of right and wrong, that partner is either very messed up or I think there are deeper issues you both might need to address too in your relationship. She may not find this relationship fulfilling enough with you. It's bizarre that this "friendship" has gone on this long.

            Comment


            • #7
              That makes a lot of sense, Rose, why can't she see that it's not appropriate to carry on like this with a married man? Sure, in her mind she's 'just friends, not doing anything wrong, and not even seeing him" but she knows it would hurt his wife if she knew and she knows I have concerns about it but seems unwilling to take anyone else's feelings into account because she feels so sure that she's not doing anything wrong yet admits that HE is! Sounds illogical to me.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by jimsimm1 View Post
                ......Rose, why can't she see that it's not appropriate to carry on like this with a married man? Sure, in her mind she's 'just friends, not doing anything wrong, and not even seeing him" but she knows it would hurt his wife if she knew and she knows I have concerns about it but seems unwilling to take anyone else's feelings into account because she feels so sure that she's not doing anything wrong yet admits that HE is! Sounds illogical to me.....
                The answer to your question was already answered by Phases....

                Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                .....Your girlfriend is an attention whore who is getting some kind of validation from his attention which she apparently is unwilling to give up any time soon......
                Your GF is flattered by this guy's interest in her and the "romancing" he is doing. And yes, he is romancing/grooming her. She feels he's confiding in her and she's holding secrets for him and she "winning" in a "competition" with is wife because he trusts your gf more than his wife.

                Your GF is bad news. I can't believe this is the first time you've had some doubts about your GF's values and behavior.

                Think back, how else has her behavior and values troubled you? And what made you overlook them?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Just an update. We are done. Went to see her tonight to talk about this married guy. And some other guy starts texting her. Turns out she's been lying and seeing someone else but swearing it's nothing sexual or not interested in each other than friends. but she refused to show me the texts. She says they just talked about local events. And it turns out they saw each other once or coffee. Then twice, then he's been at the house, then they met last week for coffee again and they went to the farmers market etc etc.. and then she admits that they're flirting on the texts and so I can't see them because I would misconstrue the flirts! But the flirting was supposedly not sexual... I can't understand what flirting would be if there's not some sexual component to it. So I left and I'm completely done with her.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Good move. Care to share how she handled the breakup?
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                    Comment

                    Working...
                    X