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  • Girl asks me out, after date..it becomes awkward.

    Hi folks, i would really appreciate if someone give me a hint or advice about this awkward situation. A girl that's been coming in the last 6 months for coffee at my workplace, sent me a request on Facebook. I added her, and we started hanging out together. After a week, we started dating. From the beginning she was more and more into me, sending me texts and started calling me to see how am i doing. I have to say that she was mentioning sex before i even thought about it. But just in fantasy, how she likes it and asked me how i liked. So one day i walked her to her workplace, she showed me everyone who works with her...i could feel that she's serious about liking me. She introduced me to her best friend like everyone important to her had to know about me.
    Now..during our conversations, she mentioned how she's been hurt few times already and now she needs time to let someone in her life again. I Quote:" I need time, i mean, don't fall in love with me too fast, i will get scared." I agreed on that ofc, i'm in my early 30s, not an adolescent.
    2 days after we started dating, she went on holidays to attend a wedding. Until the wedding my messenger was full of her pictures and videos of her in a dress, with the bride and everything. After the wedding...i could feel by the texts she was sending, not so often anymore, and 2 promised calls she never made....that something is going on over there. She'll be back in 3 days and i'll probably see her. But i backed off with my texts as well now, nobody likes to be chasing someone if the person doesnt show any signs anymore.

    It's making me a bit frustrated and confused just because she doesnt text me so often, only once a day, with a short: how are you? and disappears through the day again.

    I hope you guys can help me out to clarify this in my head. I really like her, but i can't find a explanation for her recent behaviour. I was thinking to call her, but i keep doing nothing because she told me she would call me already twice, and didn't. She should do what she said she would do. As i would i and what i did so far.

    Thanks a lot for any advice.
    Last edited by Pepz85; August 9th, 2018, 02:57 PM.

  • #2
    Step back a bit. She might be busy, she might have something else going on in her life, or she might have met / rekindled with someone over her holiday. You won't know that. But if she's not back yet, then dude, she's still on vacation, and you need to let her have that. She did tell you to keep your distance, which probably means she was planning on having some space for a while on this trip.

    When she comes back, give her a day, maybe reach out once or twice, but then after that, let her reach out to you to reconnect. It's pretty clear she wants someone who's going to be cool about her hot/cold for a while, so let it happen. If it's meant to be, she'll come back.
    The worthwhile problems are the ones you can really solve or help solve, the ones you can really contribute something to. ...
    No problem is too small or too trivial if we can really do something about it.
    -- Richard Feynman (Nobel laureate (physics), 1918-1988)

    Use your spoons wisely.

    Give it time. Always, give it time.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Pepz85 View Post
      Hi folks, i would really appreciate if someone give me a hint or advice about this awkward situation. A girl that's been coming in the last 6 months for coffee at my workplace, sent me a request on Facebook. I added her, and we started hanging out together. After a week, we started dating. From the beginning she was more and more into me, sending me texts and started calling me to see how am i doing. I have to say that she was mentioning sex before i even thought about it. But just in fantasy, how she likes it and asked me how i liked. So one day i walked her to her workplace, she showed me everyone who works with her...i could feel that she's serious about liking me. She introduced me to her best friend like everyone important to her had to know about me.
      Now..during our conversations, she mentioned how she's been hurt few times already and now she needs time to let someone in her life again. I Quote:" I need time, i mean, don't fall in love with me too fast, i will get scared." I agreed on that ofc, i'm in my early 30s, not an adolescent.
      2 days after we started dating, she went on holidays to attend a wedding. Until the wedding my messenger was full of her pictures and videos of her in a dress, with the bride and everything. After the wedding...i could feel by the texts she was sending, not so often anymore, and 2 promised calls she never made....that something is going on over there. She'll be back in 3 days and i'll probably see her. But i backed off with my texts as well now, nobody likes to be chasing someone if the person doesnt show any signs anymore.

      It's making me a bit frustrated and confused just because she doesnt text me so often, only once a day, with a short: how are you? and disappears through the day again.

      I hope you guys can help me out to clarify this in my head. I really like her, but i can't find a explanation for her recent behaviour. I was thinking to call her, but i keep doing nothing because she told me she would call me already twice, and didn't. She should do what she said she would do. As i would i and what i did so far.

      Thanks a lot for any advice.
      Heya buddy

      I see your point but if she away then i wouldn't panic at all tbh, if i was away i wouldn't tell no 1 at all i would even leave my phone in the hotel so i don't use it lol,
      just dont stop your life..... you need her to come to you mate get her to miss you and just carry on with life 9/10 she is going to be thinking about you and that shows by her even sending 1 message and that's enough to see,
      i wouldn't bother texting her at all until she back even then leave it couple of days....... if she texts you reply like few hours later or somthing other wise looks like your stalking your own phone lol.

      Comment


      • #4
        Leave her alone. She's not ready for all that jazz. She also sounds like a bit of a damaged airhead. You're right. Nobody with half a brain or their shit in order "starts dating" officially and acts like that. She may also be one of those people who adds every Tom, Dick and Harry on her social media to up her friend count. Quantity not quality. Look her up more carefully. If she really sounds stupid, remove her after a period of time and remain respectful to her as a customer at your coffeeshop. I also think you both don't know each other well enough but the vibe isn't that great. Why should you settle for someone this perplexing this early?

        In this phase, you both should have your chemistry firing off and flirting and enjoying each others' company at every moment. Even the moments where you only have time to text each other "once" a day, that single text should be making you smile. This chick doesn't know how to walk the walk. Move on.
        Last edited by Rose Mosse; August 10th, 2018, 11:22 AM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks for the support guys. Let me give you an update whats going on. A while after i wrote this, i gave her a call. I figured, if things are cooling down from her side, i would probably notice it in her voice or attitude and i would know things and stop being worried.
          On the phone, she was mostly the same, not too much into me but in a way it makes sense, since she says shes running all day around to see friends and family. I made a joke about her meeting some handsome guy over there who can make coffee better than me, and she responded yes, but unfortunately, she has to come back to our city, which i saw as a response joke. While she was in the crowd, which sounded like family, she said she would call me when she gets home. And so she did. She mentioned how she cant wait to get back. I made her laugh a bit and mentioned ill text her tomorrow. Which i did and she texted back. After that silence again. If i read this from a readers perspective, i would tell myself Im overreacting and becoming needy...but i can't judge myself because i really like her, i just feel she needs to know i took everything serious with her, even taking the longer route slowly. But ill guess ill find out everything when she comes back in 48h.
          Further feedback is appreciated.

          Comment


          • #6
            Yeah I'd agree with what others said. Not much I can do now as she's back in less than a day, but just wait until you see her. Don't get inside your own head like that and don't make up situations. Let us all know how she is when you see her again!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by CanadaBoy View Post
              Yeah I'd agree with what others said. Not much I can do now as she's back in less than a day, but just wait until you see her. Don't get inside your own head like that and don't make up situations. Let us all know how she is when you see her again!

              I believe that she's doing the distance thing deliberately, just to see for herself if she misses me, though she said million times i'm different than others. I'm an average guy, but i made myself clear to her in the beginning, be kind you'll get more than that from me back. If she stopped texting or calling after she came there, i wouldn't mind, then i know she means: ok leave me alone now just to be myself at home. But she continued to call text send pics..all the way until after her friends wedding. Ofc that is suspicious..easy to think she met someone there and did who knows what. It's not even exaggerated, since she brings up sex texts into conversation every couple of days.
              I think the non-texting and distancing shouldn't happen at the beginning of a relationship, only later it makes sense. I got to the point i won't allow myself to chase any woman ever again. At the moment my attitude is: she'll text-call-come around after she comes back, if she doesn't, that's that. Other thing that bothers me is her sex talk games. That shouldn't be mentioned before at least a month of relationship. Otherwise it looks that i'm rebound material for her.

              Doesn't matter that she comes tomorrow..go ahead,your opinion is still appreciated

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Pepz85 View Post


                I believe that she's doing the distance thing deliberately, just to see for herself if she misses me, though she said million times i'm different than others. I'm an average guy, but i made myself clear to her in the beginning, be kind you'll get more than that from me back. If she stopped texting or calling after she came there, i wouldn't mind, then i know she means: ok leave me alone now just to be myself at home. But she continued to call text send pics..all the way until after her friends wedding. Ofc that is suspicious..easy to think she met someone there and did who knows what. It's not even exaggerated, since she brings up sex texts into conversation every couple of days.
                I think the non-texting and distancing shouldn't happen at the beginning of a relationship, only later it makes sense. I got to the point i won't allow myself to chase any woman ever again. At the moment my attitude is: she'll text-call-come around after she comes back, if she doesn't, that's that. Other thing that bothers me is her sex talk games. That shouldn't be mentioned before at least a month of relationship. Otherwise it looks that i'm rebound material for her.

                Doesn't matter that she comes tomorrow..go ahead,your opinion is still appreciated
                I would agree it is suspicious, and I'm not saying I wouldn't be worrying the same things if I was in your situation, but as an outsider, all I can say is it won't do you any good. You will find out soon enough if something is going on, just see what she is like when she returns, and don't have preconceived ideas, that could throw her off as well. I agree that it's odd at the beginning of a relationship, that's the time that communication and trust should be established. As for the sex talk games, some people just go faster than others, could be nothing more than that.

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                • #9
                  You have been dating for two days prior to her family wedding.
                  Whats with all the chaos in your head?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by CanadaBoy View Post

                    I would agree it is suspicious, and I'm not saying I wouldn't be worrying the same things if I was in your situation, but as an outsider, all I can say is it won't do you any good. You will find out soon enough if something is going on, just see what she is like when she returns, and don't have preconceived ideas, that could throw her off as well. I agree that it's odd at the beginning of a relationship, that's the time that communication and trust should be established. As for the sex talk games, some people just go faster than others, could be nothing more than that.
                    Well the older you get, you're more cautious when investing your feelings and time in something. And this is really good. So it's comes down to having a left and a right side of the brain, can't go without conflict. I'll let everyone know what's the story after we meet and talk.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Pepz85 View Post

                      Well the older you get, you're more cautious when investing your feelings and time in something. And this is really good. So it's comes down to having a left and a right side of the brain, can't go without conflict. I'll let everyone know what's the story after we meet and talk.
                      And over analysing to your detriment

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                        And over analysing to your detriment
                        Im still young and I over analyze waayyyyy to much. So I dont know how much of it has to do with age, or if its more of a case by case thing depending on the person.
                        Last edited by CanadaBoy; August 12th, 2018, 09:59 AM.

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