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Eating at me

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  • Eating at me

    This might sound very minuscule to most but itís been bothering me
    so a few weeks ago my girlfriend and I who Iíve been for 6 months living together now and things are extremely good
    we were sitting watching tv and a girl snap chatted m a video of her cleavage and touching herself alittle ,I explained I had never met he wevwere friebds from tinder years ago like I said we never actually hung out so I deleted her my girl was ok with that and never came up again . A few days ago I had a request from her accepted it and she asked why I deleted her I told her she was embarrassed and said sorry obv she didnít remember
    whatís bothering me is a day or so later she was sending me sexual snaps kinda no nudes but A lot of cleavage and we didnít say much I never asked her to send them or anything I guess I feel guilty watching them and knowing she would keep sending stuff
    so do I tell my girlfriend about it ? Feel like I donít even know what Iíd say to be honest

  • #2
    Just wanted to add that Iíve been one hundred percent faithful honestky never entertained cheating
    Iíve done so much for her helping with her new career financially supporting her every move . Moved her into my house , honestky everything has been amazing . My only compliant has been she face timed an ex a month into our relationship who lives across the country


    • #3
      Yo say you haven't cheated. I disagree.
      Could you tell your girlfriend about these things openly and honestly? Would she be okay with another girl sending you nudes? Would you be angry and feel betrayed if some guy was sending nudes to your girlfriend?
      If the answer to these questions is yes, then you've cheated. Maybe not psysically, but it was unfaithful anyway.

      Can you explain why you haven't just blocked this girl from your snapchat and your phone? Why keep going down this road, knowing what the risks are?
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


      • #4
        They were never nudes and she is deleted ...I never said anything inappropriate, or even asked for the videos etc I deleted her the same day that I accepted her I know there is no risk I would never ever cheat on my girlfriend I just wouldnít and thatís he truth !


        • #5
          I feel guilty enough but like I said I never asked for these snaps and I deleted her
          I would never initially hurt my girlfriend and noones perfect , but I will not allow myself to ever be out in that situation again I know that for sure and Iím gonna take this as a learning expirence I think it honestly shows how much I love her feeling this was over this situation
          itís still new we only have been dating 6 months but Iíve never felt this way about anyone
          like I said itís new to both of us I know she has talked to a few guys in the beginning and recently she added a guy she hooked up with that she had deleted 2 months ago


          • #6
            Deleting is not the same as blocking.
            So block her.

            Stop financially supporting a girl you donít trust.
            If you have issues with the girl you are paying rent for, talk to her.
            Its not tit for tat.
            If you donít set boundaries now , when will you?
            And you canít set boundaries you arenít willing to stay within yourself.


            • #7
              She is deleted on everything possible and I donít have her number
              when did I say I donít. Trust my girlfriend ?


              • #8
                What's the timeline here? How long have you been dating?
                You say your gf facetimed her ex one month into the relationship. That means nothing if one month was 20 years ago but it may mean something if one month was two months ago.

                Did you ever talk about the facetiming? You both have unresolved resentment and are insecure. Figure out this stuff before moving forward. And for goodness sake, block the person sending you nudies. You're still not getting it. Deleting is not the same as blocking. So did you block the number permanently or not?


                • #9
                  We have been dating and living together for 5 months
                  I brought it up and we were only dating a month and had a lot to still figure out it was so new I forgave her and moved on and honestly we are amazing together we really are sheís my best friend
                  I honestly promise on everything I would never ever hurt her I do t think she ever would hurt me and they were not nudes not saying. The flirty texts were appropriate but I never asked or commented on them and yes she is deked and blocked on all social media and we donít have each otherís numbers


                  • #10
                    You say it's eating at you but you also say that the flirty texts were "appropriate". Can you describe why you feel guilty? Can you also explain how you think these texts were "appropriate" while you were in a relationship?


                    • #11
                      Whatís eating at me is that I guess I accepted her request and she sent me flirty pics but I didnít ask for them and I deked her that night I just donít know if I say something to my girlfriend like what would I even say it seems minuscule to even say anything so I chance ruining the best thing of my life over a few snaps there were no nudes no sex talk nothing like that
                      like I said she wasnít perfect in the beginning and sheís friends with some of her exís idk what they do and Iím not comparing bottom line so I chance ruining an amazing relationship over this


                      • #12
                        I think you're insecure because of your girlfriend's friendships with her exes. Deal with that and come back on an answer on whether you can operate normally.

                        From the sounds of it you're in denial and unwilling to face your discomfort regarding her friendships with her exes head on. A person with a clear conscience wouldn't feel guilty if there was no reason to feel guilty but you do: because you really actually resent your girlfriend- whether it involves a third party slut or not.


                        • #13
                          OP, the thing that stuck out to me in your original post that hasn't been addressed is, why do you keep this girl on your snapchat when she overstepped, you called her on it, and she continues to do it? That's step one - eliminate people from your life when they don't give two shits about your boundaries. If she wanted to be friends with you she wouldn't keep putting herself up for show like that. And guys don't treat the "best thing in their life" the way you're treating your girlfriend by sneaking around on snapchat getting cleavage-jiggling videos from girls who don't know what "no" means.

                          As far as your actual girlfriend, I'd be insecure too, if I had moved in with my SO within weeks of meeting her (as I can only infer from your stating you've been together for about 6 months and living together for 5). You need to have an honest conversation about this. Start with the girl - AFTER you delete her - and say look, there was this girl, she couldn't accept my boundaries about my relationship, so i ditched her. And then ASK (without judgment) what her boundaries are with her exes. Ask her why they broke up. Ask her what they're like as people. Ask her if you all can hang out.

                          Feel free to use these questions as a litmus test, too. Because if she broke up with these guys because they were better as friends, that's one thing; if she broke up with them because of a trivial reason, then I would be concerned. If she lets guys buy her dinner and take her out and whatnot, that's not a great sign either - that has emotional affair written all over it. If she can speak about them as normal people, then it's a healthy relationship and is fine. If she's fawning over them or she's spouting nothing but vitriol about them - then it's not healthy.

                          You're saying things like this might be the real thing, this is the best thing in your life, that sort of thing - you either believe that, or you don't. So it's probably a good idea to act like you believe it, and set boundaries with her that help you both treat each other like that's true. Then, keep to those boundaries. And THEN you'll know if she really is the best thing in your life.
                          The worthwhile problems are the ones you can really solve or help solve, the ones you can really contribute something to. ...
                          No problem is too small or too trivial if we can really do something about it.
                          -- Richard Feynman (Nobel laureate (physics), 1918-1988)

                          Use your spoons wisely.

                          Give it time. Always, give it time.