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  • Is he my boyfriend?

    Hello,

    Just trying to figure out what's going on exactly.

    I'm a member of an online forum. I'm also married (I'm a woman). A few weeks ago, an older single man on the forum started showing me lots of attention, and we started talking about quite personal subjects (nothing sexual). Being somewhat unsatisfied in my marriage, I suggested to him that we begin a "relationship" which involved nothing sexual or innappropriate but basically, a chat friendship. He said "I'm quite happy to past the flirty stage with you".

    So, we exchanged Whatsapp information and he also added me to another site he was on. We chat every day... he's sent me a couple of pictures of himself (not nude) and I have sent him a few also.

    He wanted to chat on the phone, but we haven't yet, for a few reasons.

    He has a lot going on at work so our chats are quite brief, and he seems to be guarded in what he tells me. I think it's because I'm married. He said "I would love to tell you to leave your husband and be mine, but we have to be realistic."

    So, my question is, can I consider him my "boyfriend"? I am not sure if he even wants to be in this "relationship"... it is awkward and it's hardly a relationship at all, at this point.

    (Spare the lecture about me being married, I KNOW, but this is a very very innocent friendship we are talking about.)

  • #2
    Well you ARE married & you know nothing about this guy apart from what little he tells you.
    You are asking for a lot of trouble & is it really worth it?

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Monmouth View Post
      Well you ARE married & you know nothing about this guy apart from what little he tells you.
      You are asking for a lot of trouble & is it really worth it?
      Yeah, I realize the worst case scenario is that my marriage breaks up. My marriage has been iffy for many years now so obviously it's a risk I am choosing to take.

      My question is, should I consider this a romantic relationship?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Blue103 View Post

        Yeah, I realize the worst case scenario is that my marriage breaks up. My marriage has been iffy for many years now so obviously it's a risk I am choosing to take.

        My question is, should I consider this a romantic relationship?
        The older man is single or at least that’s what he tells you.
        There is nothing innocent about this “relationship “ , if it was , why not tell your husband about it? Ask his opinion?

        You say your marriage has been iffy.
        Do you want to work on it or not?
        I’m assuming not as you said you are choosing to risk your marriage for an “innocent” online “relationship “

        Why do you lack the confidence to end your marriage without having another mans arms to fall into?

        Comment


        • #5
          So, my question is, can I consider him my "boyfriend"?
          No you can't!
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

          Comment


          • #6
            Why is your marriage iffy? You're in a very vulnerable position emotionally, mentally and possibly financially if you think that you can "escape" reality this way.
            Figure out why your marriage is so terrible that it's left you in this vulnerable position. Your priorities are a bit screwed up. Are you staying for the kids? Are you debilitated in some way? Do you have no income of your own? Try to get to the bottom of it without actually HITTING rock bottom.

            Comment


            • #7
              My question is not about my marriage. The marriage issue is being dealt with. My question is about this other man. Is this considered an affair or a relationship, or not?

              Comment


              • #8
                The issue is your marriage, honey. Otherwise you wouldn't be in this hot soup or wondering if you are engaging in an affair. That you still don't see it makes me wonder if you fully realize what you're doing. You need to be willing to deal with your marriage completely before you start wondering about XYZ virtual reality bloke. If you were dealing with your marriage and working through your emotions and getting to a healthier place, you would know the answer to your question.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'm dealing with my marriage. You people are dull. Read my post.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Blue103 View Post
                    My question is not about my marriage. The marriage issue is being dealt with. My question is about this other man. Is this considered an affair or a relationship, or not?
                    Your interaction with him is neither. You need some help with your self-esteem. Perhaps you should look into therapy before you fuck around on your husband either now or in the future. This guy you're having an online conversation with is telling you clearly "we" "have to be realisitic"

                    How young and silly are you that you think a conversation with a man that is telling you to be real means he's your "boyfriend." GHC... *rolls eyes*
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Blue103 View Post
                      I'm dealing with my marriage. You people are dull. Read my post.
                      You're married and you think you have a boyfriend online and WE'RE dull?????
                      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Blue103 View Post
                        I'm dealing with my marriage. You people are dull. Read my post.
                        Dull because we won’t indulge in your fantasy?
                        I am now assuming your marriage was an arranged one and you have never had a boyfriend and that’s as far as your fantasy extends???
                        Wow!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Blue103 View Post
                          Hello,

                          Just trying to figure out what's going on exactly.

                          I'm a member of an online forum. I'm also married (I'm a woman). A few weeks ago, an older single man on the forum started showing me lots of attention, and we started talking about quite personal subjects (nothing sexual). Being somewhat unsatisfied in my marriage, I suggested to him that we begin a "relationship" which involved nothing sexual or innappropriate but basically, a chat friendship. He said "I'm quite happy to past the flirty stage with you".

                          So, we exchanged Whatsapp information and he also added me to another site he was on. We chat every day... he's sent me a couple of pictures of himself (not nude) and I have sent him a few also.

                          He wanted to chat on the phone, but we haven't yet, for a few reasons.

                          He has a lot going on at work so our chats are quite brief, and he seems to be guarded in what he tells me. I think it's because I'm married. He said "I would love to tell you to leave your husband and be mine, but we have to be realistic."

                          So, my question is, can I consider him my "boyfriend"? I am not sure if he even wants to be in this "relationship"... it is awkward and it's hardly a relationship at all, at this point.

                          (Spare the lecture about me being married, I KNOW, but this is a very very innocent friendship we are talking about.)
                          He's your boyfriend in your own fantasy land. Not even sure how to address any of this. Why are you still married?

                          Comment

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