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What should I do?

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  • What should I do?

    I'll try to cut to the chase. I'm in my late 20s and a virgin. I've never had a girlfriend or done any of that stuff. I'm just wondering what I should do at this point. At my age, the time for exploring sex/love/relationships the way everyone else does in their teens and early 20s is pretty much over, and I believe I've missed the boat. It seems too late to just be getting started. It makes more sense to my mind just to give up and learn to accept it. What do you all think?

  • #2
    I understand why you must be frustrated and close to giving up.
    However, you need to realise there's a whole world out there, ready to be explored. And it's never to late to jump on the boat.

    I wasn't a virgin, but I can honestly say my sexual prime started when I was 27. There's a big difference between having sex, and having, good, meaningful sex. Part of me regrets not having that earlier, but I guess I wasn't ready for it yet.
    So yes, you've spent a few years focussing on other things and you haven't experienced love and relationships. That doesn't mean these years were a waste of time though. Learning to be on your own and not depend on a partner is a lesson a lot of us have to learn, often the hard way.

    What you need to do now, is figure out what you want at this point in your life. And then get out there and just go for it.
    Do you want a relationship? Then sign up for a dating site or ask friends if they don't know anyone they can set you up with on a blind date.
    Do you want to experience sex, then go out and start talking to girls. Learn to approach them. Don't be afraid of rejection. Look at it as practice, and practice makes perfect.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      See, you kind of tacitly admit in your post that it's a little too late for me to just be getting started. You said you weren't a virgin at 27 and hit your peak at 27. Nobody who is worth a damn is a virgin at 27. Everyone has at least done something by this age. Hell, even the people who call themselves "virgins" at this age most of the time have at least fooled around and even done sexual things with women. I'm so resentful, bitter, and disgusted with my life that I don't even want it anymore. I'm obviously an undesirable piece of sh*t since girls seem to run away from me in droves. I see other guys surrounded by beautiful women with large smiles on their faces, but they never seem to give me even two seconds of their time. Their rejection of me is just automatic. I'm just so angry and disgusted with myself and with life that I don't even want the f***ing sh*t anymore. I also get tired of hearing ignorant euphemisms and platitudes like the ones you just spewed..

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      • #4
        Listen, I get it.
        It must suck that something that comes naturally for others just won't happen for you.
        You say you're done with it all. But that's not true. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, in a relationship forum, desperately wishing for someone to tell you how to turn this around. If you were at peace with your life, why bother coming here and writing about it? And why bother getting upset when the advice you get doesn't help you? Because you DO want help. You want to change things.

        Now, we all give off vibes. It's all part of our non-verbal communication. I'm a psychologist, so I've studies this behavior that people are often unaware of. The most attractive man on Earth can become undesirable if he gives off the wrong vibe. And it's in the little things. Women have to depend mostly on their intuition when they meet a new man. That's all they have to go on to decide whether or not to trust him. So the slightest red flag in your facial expression, posture or movement can become a turn off.
        And that same way an unattractive man can have a huge attraction on women if he gives off the right vibe.

        If you say that for the past decade, all women seem to run away from you in droves, then there's something wrong with the vibe you give off. That's where you should be looking at.
        Do you have any female friends? Do you make friends easily in general, men or women?
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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        • #5
          I have no female friends. Women ignore and reject me even at my best moments. I'd say I make male friends decently.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Virtual View Post
            I have no female friends. Women ignore and reject me even at my best moments. I'd say I make male friends decently.
            Well, women usually know best what exactly it is that you do that pushes them away.
            If you're open to some confrontation - which won't be easy to hear, but it will help - you should consider asking a woman to help you out. Do you have a sister or cousin you feel you can trust?

            Ask them what your attitude and body language is telling them. Ask them how you come across to a stranger. Then work on improving that together. It's all about becoming aware of the messages you're sending out.
            If you don't have anyone in mind, think about asking a (preferably female) therapist or dating coach.

            Now, from reading your first reply, I can sense there's a lot of negativity, self-loathing, negative self-image, bad confidence etc. Those all give off vibes. See it as a radio sending out a certain frequency. Your signal won't be picked up by a woman with a joyful, positive outlook on life. At best, you'll be picked up by a woman who's equally negative, hopeless and angry as yourself. That won't be good for you either.
            If you have trouble letting go of these feelings, consider going to counseling for them. Once you start broadcasting the right frequency again, this will in turn attract a lot more likeminded women.
            You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Virtual View Post
              I'll try to cut to the chase. I'm in my late 20s and a virgin. I've never had a girlfriend or done any of that stuff. I'm just wondering what I should do at this point. At my age, the time for exploring sex/love/relationships the way everyone else does in their teens and early 20s is pretty much over, and I believe I've missed the boat. It seems too late to just be getting started. It makes more sense to my mind just to give up and learn to accept it. What do you all think?


              sex got me in trouble with 2 diff girls stay a virgin or go see a red light girl ha.

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              • #8
                I don't know what the answer is. I'm so resentful and bitter at this point I just wish I was f***ing dead. One should not have to go through a major transformation of their life in order to have something every normal person has. That's when you know you're hopeless and need to just forget about it. If you have to go through a "transformation" in order to get It, then it obviously isn't meant to be. No reason to try.

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                • #9
                  I really just want to die

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                  • #10
                    I think you have issues with rejection and self-worth. The lack of sexual experience is just one tiny branch of your big tree of sadness. What is your home life like and do you live with others? What is your relationship like with them?

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                    • #11
                      Live basically with my parents, albeit not in the same house. I live in my own separate house on a 225 acre family farm. My relationship with them is pretty decent I guess. I try not to spend much time with them.

                      When you say "your lack of sexual experience" it just feels like a knife to the chest. It's like this goddamn weight on me that I'll never get off. I feel like there are reasons why I lose with women. I think there are desirable and undesirables in this world. Winners and losers. It's all in one's genes. Thinking back to my younger days there were guys in school who bullied me. They were jocks and popular guys. Confident, strong, good looking, etc... They bullied and dominated me. Girls stuck to them like bees on honey. Now that I'm older, I can't blame them. It's just evolution at work. Those guys' desirable traits are heavy predictors of success. I was the weak beta who's undesirable junk genes should not be passed to another generation. I don't want to experience sex, love, or intimacy anymore. It's not for me. It doesn't belong to me. It belongs to desirable men. Real men. Where I belong is in a bathtub soaking in my own blood. And the hole in my head is the faucet.
                      Last edited by Virtual; August 8th, 2018, 11:57 AM.

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                      • #12
                        Who pays your bills? You say it's a separate house. Do you depend on them for shelter and money or do you work substantially to support yourself on that side of the property? Do you pay any rent?

                        You're seeking sympathy and attention from a virtual world. You realize this, correct? What do you do on your free time? Also, how are you meeting women if you are on a 225 acre farm? What are the surrounding areas like? Do you have a means of transport? I'll be honest with you. No one wants to fuck a suicidal violent guy in the middle of a Robert Pickton-like farm. Do the math. Fix your situation and try looking into professional help with mental health. You should also be reconnecting with your family if they are not more or equally violent, suicidal or messed up.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                          Who pays your bills? You say it's a separate house. Do you depend on them for shelter and money or do you work substantially to support yourself on that side of the property? Do you pay any rent?

                          You're seeking sympathy and attention from a virtual world. You realize this, correct? What do you do on your free time? Also, how are you meeting women if you are on a 225 acre farm? What are the surrounding areas like? Do you have a means of transport? I'll be honest with you. No one wants to fuck a suicidal violent guy in the middle of a Robert Pickton-like farm. Do the math. Fix your situation and try looking into professional help with mental health. You should also be reconnecting with your family if they are not more or equally violent, suicidal or messed up.
                          Lol. I know how it sounds on paper (or screen), but it's not exactly what you're imagining. Firstly, I'm not violent. Not at all. Do I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, yes. I work on the farm. I take care of it. Thus, my family does not charge me rent. My car is paid off, and I pay the insurance on it. The only Bill I don't pay is my cellphone bill. I will be changing that soon. As for work, I recently left my job at a 4-star hotel to go back to college to finish my degree. My main source of income is selling hay. I cut the 90 acres on oir farm, and I cut two other people's hay on their farms. One is 140 acres, the other is 50. Altogether it brings about $50,000 net per year depending on our crop. I'm also about to start growing CBD hemp on our farm which will bring in tons of money.

                          So there you go. There's something about me. Am I fully independent, no. Am I kind of a loser, yes. This is just the way things are currently.

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                          • #14
                            Well, you don't sound like a loser. You sound like you have a plan. You're obviously not stupid and you are not lazy. I think you're actually quite bright and you may be tearing your mind to shreds because there actually isn't enough for you to do - mentally. You certainly have an internet plan and with the internet comes lots of forms of entertainment and opportunities for self-improvement (the new hemp crop sounds great and it's an opportunity to grow your business). Do you take courses via correspondence only or do you go to class in person also? How far is the school? What's your degree in? Does anyone know about your business plan? Would you need approval from your parents/land owners before starting and when do you have to apply for permits?

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                            • #15
                              I'm definitely a loser. There's no doubt about that at all. I'm just undesirable. I have flawed traits. I'm not a worthy human being. I'm garbage.

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