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  • Reconnect with an old Friend

    So, about a year ago, I reconnected online with the one that got away. Connection started innocently. She reached out to me on Social Media, and we ended up chatting all night. Thought it was strange but nice. She reached out again a couple of weeks later and the same thing. Within no time, we were talking almost every day - frequently several times a day. I found that old feelings really never go away. Challenge is - she was in a long term relationship with someone else. He wasn't around much - and in fact, they were in a long distance relationship.

    WE grew closer over time. She kept saying that she was committed to her Boyfriend - but sent me incredibly mixed signals. We would stop talking for short periods of time - but always reconnected a week or so later. Eventually she did acknowledge feelings for me, and mentioned she had thought what if over the years we were apart. - yet she was committed to her boyfriend. She also mentioned it would not be good for us to meet in person because of it. Personally, with the frequency and intensity that we were connecting, I assumed there were problems with her and her boyfriend.

    Last weekend, I got a call from her - they broke up. She was devastated. We spoke 2x on Saturday, and texted much that evening. She couldn't sleep and texted me at 4 am - then called me 2x on Sunday, and we facetimed for an hour. .. On Monday we texted in the morning, and she called me 2x (also in the morning). On the last call, she told me that she is needy now, and it probably isn't good for me. I asked what did she mean? She said that she doesnt like people to see her like this, and the risk is that when this ends, she may not be comfortable talking to me since I have seen her like this. I told her - we are friends first, and if something is going to happen - it isn't anytime soon. That the ball is in her court, and I am here. Didnt hear from her rest of Monday, or most of Tuesday. That evening, she sent me a quick text - her dad was hospitalized. She said she was hollow. I asked if there was anything I could do - and she said no - she had to go. Since then - I have been ghosted.

    I realize she has been through a lot. I am not looking to put any pressure on her - and told her my help is not with conditions or expectations. We are friends first. I sent her a text at the end of the week - told her, no need to respond, but was thinking about her. No response.

    Strange to go from non stop talking to radio silence.

    Thoughts?

  • #2
    OldFriendAgain My thoughts are to let her go in your mind unless you wish to be on standby for electronic communication ONLY. You don't want her to use you as rebound purpose because she'll compare you to her ex-boyfriend in the back of her mind and you don't want to be her boyfriend while she is still confused, pained, doesn't know what she wants for herself and on top of that, her dad is hospitalized. She has too much stress on her plate right now. She's also a flake.

    She did you a favor by ghosting you. She was just using you as a support system and her intentions were insincere for the long term regarding friendship first which is most important.

    Since it went to radio silence, I say "good riddance." You don't need people like her in your life. Only associate those with integrity. Everyone else should be gone with the wind. Never waste your time and energy on a person who doesn't treat you with respect always no matter what.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      Originally posted by OldFriendAgain View Post
      So, about a year ago, I reconnected online with the one that got away. Connection started innocently. She reached out to me on Social Media, and we ended up chatting all night. Thought it was strange but nice. She reached out again a couple of weeks later and the same thing. Within no time, we were talking almost every day - frequently several times a day. I found that old feelings really never go away. Challenge is - she was in a long term relationship with someone else. He wasn't around much - and in fact, they were in a long distance relationship.

      WE grew closer over time. She kept saying that she was committed to her Boyfriend - but sent me incredibly mixed signals. We would stop talking for short periods of time - but always reconnected a week or so later. Eventually she did acknowledge feelings for me, and mentioned she had thought what if over the years we were apart. - yet she was committed to her boyfriend. She also mentioned it would not be good for us to meet in person because of it. Personally, with the frequency and intensity that we were connecting, I assumed there were problems with her and her boyfriend.

      Last weekend, I got a call from her - they broke up. She was devastated. We spoke 2x on Saturday, and texted much that evening. She couldn't sleep and texted me at 4 am - then called me 2x on Sunday, and we facetimed for an hour. .. On Monday we texted in the morning, and she called me 2x (also in the morning). On the last call, she told me that she is needy now, and it probably isn't good for me. I asked what did she mean? She said that she doesnt like people to see her like this, and the risk is that when this ends, she may not be comfortable talking to me since I have seen her like this. I told her - we are friends first, and if something is going to happen - it isn't anytime soon. That the ball is in her court, and I am here. Didnt hear from her rest of Monday, or most of Tuesday. That evening, she sent me a quick text - her dad was hospitalized. She said she was hollow. I asked if there was anything I could do - and she said no - she had to go. Since then - I have been ghosted.

      I realize she has been through a lot. I am not looking to put any pressure on her - and told her my help is not with conditions or expectations. We are friends first. I sent her a text at the end of the week - told her, no need to respond, but was thinking about her. No response.

      Strange to go from non stop talking to radio silence.

      Thoughts?
      You were her comfort blanket and safety net when she needed it.
      Unfortunately for you , you thought you were something more.

      Just like a 3 yr old , she discarded you when she didn't need you anymore.

      She found comfort elsewhere. She will pick you up again when she feels like it. Unless you realise what you are to her and don't want to be found for her temporary fix.

      Comment


      • #4
        I agree with what Chanelle and Maggie have said. Unfortunately, I think that she needed someone to lean on and you were that person for her until she broke up with her boyfriend. She may start talking to you again when she decides she needs support, but I don't think that she is really interested in you for the purpose of being in a relationship. Even if she was, she sounds like she is in a really precarious mental state right now. She's dealing with a lot of stuff, and it wouldn't really be a great idea to start a relationship with someone who is dealing with so much.

        Comment


        • #5
          Leave her alone. She needs time and space to deal with things that only she can deal with. If you're a friend, act like it. Stop overanalyzing till they kingdom come and making her explain herself. By you wondering and twiddling your thumbs you are giving off the vibe that you want her to make you feel better. Take up your regular hobbies or new hobbies. Talk to your friends and meet other people. She's off limits and you're coming on way too strong or like you have no idea how to occupy yourself properly.

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