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How do I approach someone online to see if they're actually interested?

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  • How do I approach someone online to see if they're actually interested?

    Over the last few weeks I noticed that there is one guy that keeps popping up on top of my social media feed (in particular Instagram). Out of curiosity I did a bit of research because I don't interact with this person at all, but their notifications always come up first. From what I've gathered off of Quora, and if there's any truth to what I've read, this person visits my feed quite a lot. I've also realised that he's one of the first to open any of my stories as soon as I post them. I met this guy once, at my ex's sisters wedding last year. To put it briefly what move can I make to get an answer that doesn't look creepy if he actually has zero interest me, and not too forward if he actually is?
    As I get back in to the dating game, I find that like my ex, I need to make the first move to get the guy talking.

  • #2
    Why do you want to have any ties to your ex? This person was at your ex's sister's wedding. I'd say forget this person and try and find someone outside this circle. If you're that hard up for this person's attention then just say hi but I don't think it's a good idea.

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    • #3
      Try making a comment on one of his instragram posts. Something neutral but friendly.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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      • #4
        You could always just shoot him a message. Maybe a comment on a photo like Sarah said, but you could send it in a private message so he is more inclined to reply. Just reach out say hi and ask him how he's doing. Find something you have in common to mention to start a kind of conversation. If he's interested, he'll be willing to reply and move that conversation along. If he doesn't seem eager to respond and keep the conversation moving than he's probably not interested.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
          Why do you want to have any ties to your ex? This person was at your ex's sister's wedding. I'd say forget this person and try and find someone outside this circle. If you're that hard up for this person's attention then just say hi but I don't think it's a good idea.

          This is something I’ve thought about, and of course I don’t want ties with my ex. My ex and I live in the same community, so we know a lot of the same people. A few months back I went out with an old guy mate whose brother turns out is good friends with my ex’s brother, that was already too close for home. Another guy manages the family properties, so that marks them off too. If they’re not in the same social circle as my ex, these guys are in the same social circle as his brother or sister. I turned down a job interview with a decent company just in case I turned out to be working on the same premises as his cousin.Knowing my luck if I had got the job, I would’ve somehow been placed to work next door to his department or with him. I don’t think I should have to travel out of my own area to meet people, just to avoid having any ties with my ex or his family. I’m sure my ex hasn’t considered this either...

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          • #6
            Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
            Try making a comment on one of his instragram posts. Something neutral but friendly.

            Originally posted by Witch View Post
            You could always just shoot him a message. Maybe a comment on a photo like Sarah said, but you could send it in a private message so he is more inclined to reply. Just reach out say hi and ask him how he's doing. Find something you have in common to mention to start a kind of conversation. If he's interested, he'll be willing to reply and move that conversation along. If he doesn't seem eager to respond and keep the conversation moving than he's probably not interested.
            Iíll try and reply to one of his stories and see if I get any type of response that way, thanks

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            • #7
              I think that replying to a story is a good idea to try to break the ice.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by vnk7 View Post


                This is something I’ve thought about, and of course I don’t want ties with my ex. My ex and I live in the same community, so we know a lot of the same people. A few months back I went out with an old guy mate whose brother turns out is good friends with my ex’s brother, that was already too close for home. Another guy manages the family properties, so that marks them off too. If they’re not in the same social circle as my ex, these guys are in the same social circle as his brother or sister. I turned down a job interview with a decent company just in case I turned out to be working on the same premises as his cousin.Knowing my luck if I had got the job, I would’ve somehow been placed to work next door to his department or with him. I don’t think I should have to travel out of my own area to meet people, just to avoid having any ties with my ex or his family. I’m sure my ex hasn’t considered this either...
                You're limiting yourself staying in this frog hole. I think people will tell you to go ahead and encourage you in having anything to do with him and that's fine for now but your life is tragically limited in this town if you're turning down interviews just to avoid your ex. If you have the means to move to a bigger city and find better career options, do it. This isn't the point of the thread but the way you're living your life right now is sad. I hope it works out for you. To me, this pond is too tiny and your relationships are becoming incestuous (figuratively- the circle is too small).

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post

                  You're limiting yourself staying in this frog hole. I think people will tell you to go ahead and encourage you in having anything to do with him and that's fine for now but your life is tragically limited in this town if you're turning down interviews just to avoid your ex. If you have the means to move to a bigger city and find better career options, do it. This isn't the point of the thread but the way you're living your life right now is sad. I hope it works out for you. To me, this pond is too tiny and your relationships are becoming incestuous (figuratively- the circle is too small).
                  I would like to think that it’s a frog hole too, but I live in a suburb with over 243,000 people. I thought the 11 month relationship was punishment enough, but the aftermath of continuously running into people or dealing with people who know him or his family is happening way too often. I have a friend who is a dental assistant who I’ve known from high school (long way back now). I was hoping to make an appointment with her to get a few cosmetic things done, because I was really impressed with the work completed on her own teeth. As I scroll through the companies web page I notice that her boss is a familiar face. Lo and behold this guy is my ex’s sisters husbands mate from dentistry school which I met on multiple occasions. Mind you her office is an hour and ten minute drive away from where I live. I decided to go elsewhere.

                  I think being in the teaching field I’m in, I know a great deal of people through work, school, and university. I’ve managed to cut off toxic friends of 20 years, but I’m still on friendly speaking terms with these people's parents. Unfortunately, in my situation I feel like I’m avoiding anyone who knows this family because they were so toxic. The type of people who think they’re superior to everyone else, living through their children’s successes.

                  I’m a sitting duck for the moment as I’ve only recently moved into the place I live in now. I can only hope his family pull through with their decision on moving away to another suburb in the new year, as this was a discussion taking place when we were still together.

                  Thank you Rose Mosse, I’m sure I’ll eventually get to a good place

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