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Is it even worth pursuing a relationship anymore?

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  • Is it even worth pursuing a relationship anymore?

    I really hate that this thought crosses my mind but really...is a long term, happy relationship even realistic anymore? When I look around I see lots of misery and pain and nobody seems happy. Not even content. Im afraid that if you asked couples that have been married or together for five years or more if they graded on a scale of 1-10, 10 being absolutely yes to the question are you happy being married or in your relationship(must answer honestly of course) the average score would be around 5. Id hate to see the results of the question have you cheated or thought about cheating on your s/o. Relationships are awesome when done right however it seems with all of the social media and less caring about others and more caring about ourselves that maintaining what was once absolute bliss with one person is beyond difficult in todays world. Now yes, i get the newness part fizzles and there are relationships that find a different and in some cases even more powerful love in good relationships but im not talking about those because those are few and far between. Again, I hate having these thoughts but is it better just to stay single anymore? Please enlighten me!!

  • #2
    I don't think so.
    However, I do understand where you are coming from.
    People today don't have the right mindset to make long term relationships work anymore.
    They all want instant gratification and need constant reassurance that they are special little snowfakes.

    However, all it takes is 1 good person. That's all you need to find and you're set.
    Also, I don't think that a relationship that ends was necessarily unsuccessful. Even if it ends, it could have been great while it lasted. It gave you the feeling of being loved and cared for, for a certain amount of time. And if anything it taught you more about who you are as a person and wha mmatters to you in life.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      I don't know why some people find true love and others don't. I certainly spent the majority of my life in one failed relationship after another. And then I met my current husband, and I can tell you, I love him more now than I did when we first met. We will be married 7 years in August. He is the love of my love, and my biggest regret is that I didn't meet him sooner. Maybe it's just luck. I don't know, but I feel fortunate.

      If I were you, I would stay single and look for that all-encompassing love. You'll know her the second you meet her.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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      • #4
        I don't know either and why it takes so long for others and for some, it starts and ends with childhood love. I think you have to be honest with yourself and honest with others. Without that from the start, relationships (romantic or platonic) will always be superficial.

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        • #5
          run13 , I've heard a lot of stories about relationships which have gone awry whether on social media, this discussion forum, real life and all I have to do is look all around me.

          Then there is me. I'm a product of divorce. My parents were mismatched from Day 1. My father gave my poor mother a hellacious marriage filled with his alcoholism, domestic violence, beatings and knocking my mother's teeth out numerous times. To this day, there are permanent blood stains on her living room rug. The good news is she can finally afford to fix her teeth nowadays and she is currently riding off into the sunset after paying her dues. She has a comfortable, financially independent post-divorce life. Unfortunately, divorce runs rampant among my friends, family on both sides of the family tree and everywhere. I come from a long line of divorce, cheating, chauvinism and my in-laws' extended side is no better. Extended meaning aunts, uncles and cousins.

          I can't speak for everyone else but I truly feel that I was very lucky when I met my husband. He's a good man and and a great influence because he came from a very loving, nurturing, normal, stable home life. His father is a great man so it is only natural that my husband emulated his father. His father and my husband respect women as does my husband's brother. My sons are following their father's lead as well.

          I think it's about being at the right place at the right time and being extremely picky and choosy. I wasn't about to repeat my mother's and sister's mistakes. They chose duds or bad apples.

          For my husband and I, our faith is of tantamount importance to us and it's the scaffolding for our marriage. It is the glue that holds us together through thick and thin. It hasn't always been smooth sailing either. We've hit bumps in the road especially during our hard financial struggles and crises. However, we hung on and now we are finally reaping fruition at long last.

          As for anyone out there who is seeking and searching for "thee one," I say to keep your standards high and never settle for mediocrity. Make sure the quality of one's character remains top on your list. There are basic virtues we hold dear such as treating one another with respect, honor, responsibility, integrity, dignity and possessing a selfless attitude. Love is a reflection of those qualities AFTER those boxes have all been checked off one by one. Without those basic required criteria in one's character, all relationships are doomed for failure.

          And you can't change a person. A leopard cannot change its spots. Shop around and remember haste makes waste.

          I've dated some men who were normal on the outside yet they lacked empathy which I looked upon with great disdain. I never wasted my time, energy and resources on men who were not good enough. Something was off with their personality and character. They didn't make the cut.

          I will say that years ago, I compared my husband's stellar character to other husbands whom I know through family and friends or boyfriends, The more I see what's out there, the more precious my husband is to me. He is more precious than gold. He's not the life of the party type nor is he extremely extroverted. He's on the mellow, calm, quiet side and that's ok. I'll take a fairly quiet guy over a blabbermouth any day! I despise narcissists, too! He's very humble and modest. He is great but he's so low-key which is a reflection of his self-confidence and there's nothing more attractive than self-confidence and brain power! He helps me a lot with child rearing, runs errands, helps cook and clean, fills up the cars with gas, does yard work, car and home repairs and maintenance. He fixes everything. He's just like his father!

          Growing up, I was so envious of my school and neighborhood friends who hailed from a mom 'n pop 'n apple pie existence. I so wanted the same and then I had to go home to another day in hell. My best childhood friend and maid-of-honor said I had a Cinderella story and after thinking about it, she was right.

          Today, I feel extremely blessed, lucky and fortunate. Better late than never.
          Last edited by chanelle; June 13th, 2018, 02:39 AM. Reason: Typo
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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          • #6
            I feel the same way. It doesnít really seem like relationships are built to last in our modern society. I partially blame social media. But I think people just arenít content with monogamy anymore. Everyone thinks they deserve a person who is ďperfectĒ and when things get rough people just cut their losses and move on. Itís sad, but Iím not really convinced that relationships are even the answer for most people. Iím learning how to find my own happiness instead of looking for someone else to complete me.

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            • #7
              I know a lot of people who have happy marriages. There is a lot you can do to keep your relationship strong. Choose wisely. Don't ignore red flags. Treat your partner well. Communicate. If a marriage is good it can be the most wonderful thing. Don't get discouraged. I know a lot of people who have very happy marriages

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