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I don't like the relationship my boyfriend has with someone

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  • I don't like the relationship my boyfriend has with someone

    This person I don't like is a frienship I had for over 6 years, we started off like normal friends and little by lttle we were becoming closer friends, I thought she was and amazing friend, until I realized years later that she talks bad about me behind my back, I didn't knew what to do so I tried to ignore it and keep having this relathionship with her. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't be with her like I used to, but I didn't had the guts to tell her something, so I just did my best to not socialize with her so much, but It was inevitable since we are in the same classroom, the thing is that my boyfriend is also in this classroom so she is his friend. Again, I didn't told my boyfriend my nonconformities because I didn't wanted to make him feel controlled over who can he be friends with him. Nevertheless I've had feeling worse than usual since she makes comments that just makes me feel bad (e. g. ''this tv series is for stupid people'' a series she knows I love), because of this current events I just stayed away from them during school. One of the times I wasn't with them my boyfriend approchead me while I was crying, asking me what the problem was, but I didn't feel comfortable enough to talk with him about it. Later that same day I found out that she told him ''she's always been like that''.
    Finally I gathered the courage to talk about the situation, but not enough to asked him to stop talking to her. I foolishly tought that he would do something for his own will. He did not, and so I started feeling worse. I didn't expect him to stop talking to her inmediately, I just wanted him to spend less time with her, but he did absolutely nothing.
    Once again I lived my daily life with a bitter taste in my throat, about a month later I decided to approche him about this topic, but now saying thins directly. I explained I've been feeling bad because of his lack of empathy. Now my attempts seem to be in vain.
    Am I being toxic for trying to make him stop talking to her? Should I never have told him? I really don't know what to do, everyday I feel worse than yesterday. We are about to have our 2nd anniversary togheter.
    I would really appreciate some advice and your opinion of this.

  • #2
    Do you have any reason to believe that he is cheating on you? Have you both agreed to be exclusive with each other?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      SarahLancaster
      I don't think he's cheating, I just don't feel comfortable with his relationship with her.
      Last edited by bluefeeling; June 12th, 2018, 01:49 PM.

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      • #4
        Can you explain why?
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          I think it's because this girl is rude and callous to 'blue' and she feels that if her boyfriend truly loved her, he wouldn't associate with anyone who treats her like this girl does.
          The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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          • #6
            pistol
            Yeah, that's how I feel.

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            • #7
              If you have any, reason to suspect that their friendship is damaging your relationship directly, I could agree with you Blue.
              However, right now I'm inclined to tell you to toughen up.
              Not veryone in the world is going to be nice to you.
              If you don't like how this girl speaks to you, it's up to you to make that clear to her. Confront her about her behavior and explain, that your friendship is over since you don't feel that she's a positive contribution to your life. Stand up for yourself.

              Don't expect your boyfriend to fight your battles, especially since you hardly include him in anything.
              All you've done was suffered in silence without fixing your issues and then expected your boyfriend to read your mind and do what you wanted him to do.
              You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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              • #8
                She's a bitch. You're entitled to tell your boyfriend exactly how you feel.

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                • #9
                  You're not the toxic one Blue, I think she is. I think you should square with your boyfriend and let him know how you feel about this person. Tell him she has talked about you behind your back before and you don't like it. I would even go so far as to say you don't really want him to hang out with her either. Granted, I wouldn't tell him he CAN'T hang out with her, just tell him that you don't like him hanging out with her because she's kind of a bitch for the things she says. If he's a good guy, he probably won't mind pulling back from her. Just make sure you are communicating with him. Like Ayla said, he can't read your mind. Clearly he cares about you, you just need to be open with him and tell him how you feel and why you feel that way.

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                  • #10
                    Ayla Rose Mosse Witch SarahLancaster pistol
                    ​​​​​​
                    Thank you so much for answering!
                    I already told him everything, and he told me "I'm sorry that it bothers you that I talk to her but I just cannot simple stop talking to her out of nowhere"
                    ​​​​​​​I guess he forged a good frienship with her after all, but I can't help feeling bad.

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                    • #11
                      I wouldn't put up with it. I'm sure plenty will beg to differ but you're not married and it sounds like not only does he have poor taste in friends, he's not much of a boyfriend after all. Don't be a doormat to assholes like that.

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                      • #12
                        Our 2nd anniversary is this Sunday and we'll meet up that day, but I dont even feel like it anymore. How should I approach the topic?

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                        • #13
                          Just say it how it is. Don't worryso much what other people think about you. They're going to go ahead and think it anyway and most people can be negative for any given reason (nothing to do with you). You stick to your gut feeling. If you have any ties or ongoing commitments make sure you cover your butt, don't burn bridges prematurely and do it civilly but firmly. Why should you have to continue living with someone else's bad decisions?

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                          • #14
                            2nd year or 2nd month?

                            I agree with Rose. You deserve better. You've told him how you feel about this girl and how she has talked bad about you in the past. What is his concern, that if he stops talking to her he will hurt her feelings? What about your feelings that he's hurting by spending time with someone who has put you down in the past? He needs to respect you and let go of his friendship with this girl.

                            I'd also like to point out that you don't sound jealous of her. This seems more like you don't like her because of things she's said. I think it's important you make that distinction to your boyfriend. You're not worried about him cheating, you just dont want him to spend time with someone who puts you down and makes you feel like shit.

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                            • #15
                              Rose Mosse Witch

                              Thank you so much, your advice has really opened my eyes, I really wasn't being merciful with myself and was seeing only like I was the bad one in the history. So I felt I was the one destroying our relationship because of my nonconformities.
                              I will do my best talkig with him this Sunday.

                              Is the 2nd year!

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