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  • Help with approaching a girl I don't know so well

    There's a really pretty girl in my stats class and I want to ask her out, but I am not sure if it is the right time and how to best do it. I know her name, but I don't think that she knows mine. We did have eye contact for a few seconds while she walked by, and she smiled, but I am not sure if that means she is interested or if she is just being nice. Also, how do I know if she has a boyfriend? I did see her computer from a distance and I saw a love heart I think next to a contact.

    What should I do and what are the next steps that I should take?

  • #2
    ie9779 Introduce yourself to her and ask her out for a casual "let's meet for coffee" type date but not an official date. Introduce yourself as a friend first and take it from there, gradually and slowly. Never come on too strong, too persistent nor pushy otherwise you'll scare women away and they'll really go out of their way to avoid you. Just be nice and she'll either tell you she already has a boyfriend or not. Be easy going and don't be uptight. You'll never know until you initiate getting to know her better as a nice lady friend first. Baby steps.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      chanelle How do I introduce myself as a friend first? When is the best time to introduce myself to her? I sit 2-3 seats away in the same row, and I am thinking of trying to get to know her better by asking if I could work with her on the group project. But isn't it awkward if I just walk up and say hi, my name is x? What is the smoothest way to do it?

      Do I mention that she doesn't know my name and I do?

      Comment


      • #4
        ie9779, When there is a break from the class, you say, "Hi, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is _______." Shake hands or just keep it verbal. Then let her introduce herself to you. Next, suggest if you could work on the group project together. This is a good, harmless start. No, it's not awkward to introduce yourself. You need to step out of your skin and just do it. Remain humble, honest, sincere and kind. Women appreciate a nice, good guy. You can mention that you know her name but she doesn't know you. It's perfectly ok. Don't over do it though otherwise you can come off as creepy and you don't want to scare her off. Just act natural and be easy going. Don't come across as nervous and uptight otherwise you'll make her feel nervous and unsettled, too. Just be nice and casual and take it from there.

        The worse she can say is no but in life, you have to take good risks otherwise you'll never know any outcomes and not knowing is worse IMHO.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          chanelle Could you expand on what you mean by not over doing it? Any tips on how to not be nervous during this?

          Also, she works part-time at a general reception desk in our school, and I walk by there sometimes. It is within an office and there are some other offices with open doors close by. What do you think about introducing myself there?

          Comment


          • #6
            Introducing yourself and trying to do a group project together is a great idea. Working on the group project will help you get too know her a bit better...and then maybe ask her out

            Comment


            • #7
              I wouldn't jump the gun asking her out if you haven't even said a single word to each other yet. Get to know her in class and sit next to her next time. Tell her your name and ask for hers and ask her what her major is in, commiserate on the stats class if it sucks, ask her what she thinks about the prof's teaching style etc etc etc. If she flirts with you it's a good sign. If she is colder or not receptive, don't be a douche and keep hounding her. You'll get the hang of it.

              You can introduce yourself anywhere. What are you waiting for?

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              • #8
                ie9779 , When I referred to "not over doing it," I meant don't be perceived as hounding her, don't wring your sweaty hands and don't appear nervous as you sweat bullets. Just act natural and CALMLY be prepared for any scenario whether acceptance or rejection because that's life. You can introduce yourself anywhere. Just be very nice, kind, cordial, very respectful and take it from there. Don't be uptight otherwise you're going to make her feel jittery, too! Start slowly and see what the vibe is. If she's outgoing, then suggest a study group or group project. If you sense she is the reserved type, take it slower with just the introduction and being an acquaintance type friend at first. Go with the flow. Follow her cue and relax!
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                • #9
                  Rose Mosse I sit in the same row as her, but there is another girl that sits between her and me. I think it would be really awkward if I sit in this other girl's seat and she is not expecting it. So I don't think that is really a good option.
                  chanelle Rose Mosse I did some google searches and I found a couple of videos. In this video, she is holding a guy's hand after surfing (from 2 years ago). And at the end of this video, she actually kisses the same guy. But this all two years ago. Do you think I should even try it now?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    ie9779, Forget the video. That's for the movies. Try as I had suggested and hope it works for you. See post June 15th @ 9:23PM.
                    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                    • #11
                      chanelle What do you mean by "that's for the movies"? I don't understand why it wouldn't be a concern since she may have a boyfriend already. Thoughts?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        ie9779 , I meant don't believe in any fantasy, what you've seen in videos and wonder if that applies to real life because it doesn't. My thoughts are, introduce yourself, just act natural, be kind without over doing it otherwise you'll be perceived as weird and a turnoff. Just be nice without coming on too strong. Be an acquaintance, SLOWLY and gradually establish a friendship and then see where it takes you. Follow her cue. If she's interested in you, then she's interested in you and if not, she's not. Baby steps!

                        Regardless of gender, people need to feel comfortable around you in order to build trust and they want to be able to relax their minds. It's your job to be easy going and to make them or her feel easy going as well. It all boils down to respect just like the Golden Rule says: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." We learned that back in 3rd grade. You will be fine. Try not to over think nor over analyze this. Don't make others or her feel nervous! Take it easy.
                        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          chanelle So I was able to successfully get her to work with me, my friend, and the person that sits between us on the group project together, but I didn't really have a chance to introduce myself. A few questions:

                          1. If I see her before class on Wednesday in the building or around campus, is it okay to introduce myself then or do you think it is too awkward?
                          2. Is it appropriate to show interest during the work on the group project and then ask her out after the project gets completed (it is due in late July)?
                          3. What is the best way to SLOWly and gradually establish a friendship?

                          I guess I am coming off as nervous, but I am really new to this and I don't want to do the wrong thing, but I am also interested in her.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            ie9779

                            1. Yes. It's not too awkward. Just be nice but don't be nervous otherwise you'll make her nervous. Be casual and easy going. Be natural.

                            2. Don't rush it. First be a nice acquaintance during the project. Don't be so eager in showing interest otherwise she'll think you're weird and in a hurry for more than an acquaintance. Slow and steady wins the race! Slow your pace. Follow her cue. If you sense that she's interested in you and truly enjoys your company, ask her out for something casual at first such as coffee and a snack. Starbuck's or something casual. Or, lunch. Not a dinner date yet. Be nice and don't make her feel awkward. Treat her like a guy friend but treat her like a lady.

                            3. The best way to SLOWLY and gradually establish a friendship is to be a friend as you would be with a guy friend but obviously treat her as a lady and always be respectful. Don't be in a hurry. Relationships require nurturing, cultivation and maintenance. Don't over do it with electronic correspondence and communication because that type of contact is subject to burnout. Keep the friendship fresh. You prevent your friendship from growing stale by having some mystery about you. Hold back a little. Don't dump your life's story and all its gory details to the girl.

                            4. The secret to an enduring friendship and more is if you always take interest in HER. Don't talk about yourself ad nauseum because regardless of gender people eventually hate that and grow sick 'n tired of you quickly. Inquire about her interests, hobbies if any, what she enjoys doing, outings and what makes her happy. Or, if she's the intellectual type discuss those topics. People love you if you're a great listener and allow them to talk as much as their heart desires. Also, it's a relief for you because you don't have to work as hard thinking of what to say about yourself because the interest is on the other person. It's a trick I've since learned. People talk about themselves too much and they rarely lend an ear so when they find someone willing to be a great listener for them, suddenly you become their new BFF.

                            5. If you happen to be witty and possess intelligent humor, you'll be well-liked. People never forget how you made them feel and if you make them chuckle or laugh, you'll be attractive. I'm not referring to goofy, silly dumb humor. I'm referring to amusingly clever humor which makes people smile. And don't be sarcastic or cynical in a bad way.

                            6. I can't speak for all women but I find the following to be attractive in a man: CHARACTER. I prefer a good guy, no foul language, someone kind, considerate, unselfish, gentlemanly. Treat others well. I always observe how my man treats others. If he treats others with a lot of respect, he's more apt to be good to me, too. Open doors for her. Don't go through a door first and then slam the door in her face. Be nice. Show a lady respect. Be mindful. You will be fine.

                            7. If you wish to establish a friendship with her (initially), don't over do it with charm and flattery because I find men like that to be fake and phony. Be kind but don't be pretentious.

                            8. As you get to know her better, follow her cue. You will both know if this friendship will blossom into a relationship but take baby steps to get there. Get to know her better. For you, you need to be sure you want to be with her after you know her character and personality. Sometimes, when you are introduced to people you don't know well, sometimes they're compatible to your personality or character and sometimes they're not as great as you thought they were so tread lightly and be cautious.
                            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by ie9779 View Post
                              chanelle So I was able to successfully get her to work with me, my friend, and the person that sits between us on the group project together, but I didn't really have a chance to introduce myself. A few questions:

                              1. If I see her before class on Wednesday in the building or around campus, is it okay to introduce myself then or do you think it is too awkward?
                              2. Is it appropriate to show interest during the work on the group project and then ask her out after the project gets completed (it is due in late July)?
                              3. What is the best way to SLOWly and gradually establish a friendship?

                              I guess I am coming off as nervous, but I am really new to this and I don't want to do the wrong thing, but I am also interested in her.
                              You are so overthinking that even if you take good advice you will botch it up because you aren't letting things happen naturally.

                              I suggest you just practise on this girl and if you are successful then great, if you fail, then you'll know not to do things that way in future.

                              Practise , practise , practise.
                              No online advice can better that.

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