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What does he want?

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  • What does he want?

    I've known an introverted guy for about 8 months. We went on a few dates in the very beginning and he decided we had different personalities (I'm extroverted and he is very quiet) and a relationship would never happen. That was ok with me as I felt he had trouble opening up to me. I turned him down for sex on 3rd date because I didn't feel connected enough. To this day we have never had sex but we keep in contact as friends and flirt a lot!

    I've been going on other dates and enjoying my life but he has pretty much stayed off the dating scene. He says he has too much going on in his life.

    The reason for my post is that I'm rather confused about this guy. He heavily flirts with me in a highly sexual way, wants to catch up for netflix or coffee and never makes a move on me, but went I leave the sexual comments start rolling in. There is strong sexual attraction between us.

    I did ask him on a 'proper date' recently because I was getting frustrated and he said maybe, but he doesnt think we would work out because of our personalities are too different.

    My question is... why would he even want to stay friends with someone who's personality is too different? We don't argue at all. Why the flirting etc? Maybe someone could shed some light on this. I just don't get it. Boredom? Anxiety of some sort? Anything? We are both in our late 30's.

  • #2
    Sounds to me like he's quite keen to fuck you, but is not interested in a relationship with you.
    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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    • #3
      I think he's intimidated by you and I agree with Reg that he's turned on sexually by your personality but you're not someone he feels he can depend on (in whatever ways he needs to) for the long term. Take it for what it is. If a man isn't balls deep in it and pursuing you, take the hint and move on. You don't deserve lukewarm.

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      • #4
        I mean, if I am understanding correctly, you have already turned him down for a relationship, and for sex. But then you come around and start asking him on "proper dates" again.

        Of course he's not making a move. You've already rejected him and shot him down. Why would he?

        The flirting can mean a lot of things, from him still having an underlying interest, to just being friendly. But you've already rejected him in every non-platonic capacity, and he is respecting those boundaries.

        He's probably confused too because you've rejected him for sex and relationships, but then you continue to flirt with him and ask him out.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by am529 View Post
          I mean, if I am understanding correctly, you have already turned him down for a relationship, and for sex. But then you come around and start asking him on "proper dates" again.

          Of course he's not making a move. You've already rejected him and shot him down. Why would he?

          The flirting can mean a lot of things, from him still having an underlying interest, to just being friendly. But you've already rejected him in every non-platonic capacity, and he is respecting those boundaries.

          He's probably confused too because you've rejected him for sex and relationships, but then you continue to flirt with him and ask him out.
          Bingo!
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            Am529, I didn't reject a relationship he did. I did considered one with him before he turned me down.

            If he's just after sex, then why does he ask to see me and not try to make a move when we're alone together?

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            • #7
              WonderWhy , If you're not interested in him anymore as a friend, tell him nicely that it's time to end contact.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                WonderWhy And yes, some people are better at electronic communication (even if it's weird) than real life, in-person friendships or relationships. There's a diplomatic, polite, kind way to end contact if you wish to go that route.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by am529 View Post
                  I mean, if I am understanding correctly, you have already turned him down for a relationship, and for sex. But then you come around and start asking him on "proper dates" again.

                  Of course he's not making a move. You've already rejected him and shot him down. Why would he?

                  The flirting can mean a lot of things, from him still having an underlying interest, to just being friendly. But you've already rejected him in every non-platonic capacity, and he is respecting those boundaries.

                  He's probably confused too because you've rejected him for sex and relationships, but then you continue to flirt with him and ask him out.

                  I didn't reject a relationship, he did. I think I'll let this one go. Delete his number etc

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