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Inviting her kid for the 3rd date?

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  • Inviting her kid for the 3rd date?


    Hi There!

    I have Been on a few dates with this girl who is a single mom and the dad is out of the picture.

    We've been on 2 dates and have been planning a 3rd date but we can't get one in. Her mom always watches her kid but her mom and her had a bit of a falling out, as her mom is having some medical issues and has good days and bad days, So she doesn't have anyone to watch him.

    My sister, who asked what was going on, said I should just say to her "well why don't we just go mini golfing or to a park or something and you can bring your son"

    I said there's no way that sounds right but she said it sounds really mature and that you aren't just looking to get in her pants

    Forum what say you? (I have met the kid once for about a hour at her house)

  • #2
    If you see yourself with this girl long term, you're going to have to meet the kid eventually. Now, I can understand that the 3rd date seems kind of fast. But if you've already met the kid, and the woman is okay with it, why not? I think a mini golf date sounds like a pretty good idea, tbh.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by am529 View Post
      If you see yourself with this girl long term, you're going to have to meet the kid eventually. Now, I can understand that the 3rd date seems kind of fast. But if you've already met the kid, and the woman is okay with it, why not? I think a mini golf date sounds like a pretty good idea, tbh.
      1) We're still getting to know one another
      2)Im afraid if I have her bring her kid, it'll make it seem like I'm pushing things too fast? Like I think were at a way different level then her

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      • #4
        kris12rizzo , If you include her kid, you won't be perceived as pushing things too fast. On the contrary, you'll be perceived as a friendly person who is easy going about including her kid. Granted, every date shouldn't include her kid but what else can you do if you wish to continue seeing her and she has trouble finding a sitter because her mother can't? Perhaps you can offer to pay for a sitter with a trusted friend of hers or would it be possible for her or your sister to babysit for a few hours?

        You're not pushing things too fast especially if you wish to establish a solid friendship first.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          Originally posted by chanelle View Post
          kris12rizzo , If you include her kid, you won't be perceived as pushing things too fast. On the contrary, you'll be perceived as a friendly person who is easy going about including her kid. Granted, every date shouldn't include her kid but what else can you do if you wish to continue seeing her and she has trouble finding a sitter because her mother can't? Perhaps you can offer to pay for a sitter with a trusted friend of hers or would it be possible for her or your sister to babysit for a few hours?

          You're not pushing things too fast especially if you wish to establish a solid friendship first.


          I understand what your saying but how in the heck do I word it to not sound creepy/ too forward?

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          • #6
            I think just casually. "Hey, I know you're having a difficult time with getting someone to watch your child. What if we did xyz and they could come along?"

            Just make it a casual mention so that she can decline if she's not ready for that yet.

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            • #7
              Everyone makes some good points , but I donít think itís a good idea .
              You just started dating this girl and I think meeting her child now is to soon !
              It is a very admirable thought , but you have to take into account that this child could become attached to you quickly , especially since he / she doesnít have a farther figure .
              If things donít work out after a few months the child could feel that he / she was abandoned again and youíll possibly have the added stress of feeling you have to stay in the relationship for the sake of the child.
              I would find a way to get a sitter and get to know the mother better first.

              I do believe your approach is admirable, and maybe if the child was introduced as a friend it could be ok , but personally I would wait .
              Could you two possibly hang out one night after the child has gone to bed ? Maybe watch a movie and you could have some alone time and get to know each other better .
              This would still show that your willing to accommodate her needs as a mom but also respect the boundaries between her and her childís relationship.

              It’s time to let go , you have to sacrifice the life you have for the life you want !

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Professor Chaos View Post
                Everyone makes some good points , but I donít think itís a good idea .
                You just started dating this girl and I think meeting her child now is to soon !
                It is a very admirable thought , but you have to take into account that this child could become attached to you quickly , especially since he / she doesnít have a farther figure .
                If things donít work out after a few months the child could feel that he / she was abandoned again and youíll possibly have the added stress of feeling you have to stay in the relationship for the sake of the child.
                I would find a way to get a sitter and get to know the mother better first.

                I do believe your approach is admirable, and maybe if the child was introduced as a friend it could be ok , but personally I would wait .
                Could you two possibly hang out one night after the child has gone to bed ? Maybe watch a movie and you could have some alone time and get to know each other better .
                This would still show that your willing to accommodate her needs as a mom but also respect the boundaries between her and her childís relationship.

                Good points and I also think to myself. What if the kid doesnt wanna go and starts to throw a fit? Then we have to end the date really early because he doesnt wanna be there?

                Comment


                • #9
                  kris12rizzo , No, you won't be perceived as too creepy nor too forward. You don't have to get too attached to the child. Keep things tame and friendly if you go on a date with the child. As mentioned previously, the other option would be to help the mother financially if she has to pay for a sitter since her mother is ill and because of the falling out. If the kid doesn't wish to accompany you and her on a date, then have the mother figure out what to do with her kid. While it's admirable that you care about the child's welfare, ultimately it's the mother who is responsible regarding how she divides her roles between motherhood and her dating world.

                  If dating her proves to be nothing but a constant hassle because of the kid, either you have to have the patience of a saint or consider dating a woman without kids which will make your dating life a heck of a lot easier!
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I think it's a great idea to offer to take her son with you if you guys go on a date. I wouldn't offer her money to pay for a sitter though, because I think that has the potential to come off as weird. Then it does seem like you just want to get the kid out of the way and be alone with the girl instead. It could also give her the impression you're willing to pay for a sitter on the regular, and I don't know about you but I don't know if I would be okay if someone consistently expected me to pay for their sitter. Even if I really liked them, I'd be wary of assisting them too much financially at this stage in the relationship.

                    I think you can bring up the idea of taking the kid along on a date pretty casually. Just ask her to go out with you one night, and when she says she can't go because she doesn't have a sitter, tell her if she's comfortable she can bring him along and you can all do something fun together. I think a lot of girls would be flattered by you offering to spend time not just with them but with their kid. Besides, he is always going to be a part of her life. If you want a relationship with her, you will undoubtedly have to spend time with him as well.

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                    • #11
                      Stop!

                      You should absolutely not meet the kid until you are in a committed exclusive relationship.
                      Think of the kid!!! It's selfish to try and fast forward a date and shows impatience and lack of understanding of her time constraints.
                      If you want to date a single mother , this is what you will face time and time again. Expect last minute cancellations because the child has fallen ill etc.

                      If you can't wait it out until she is free to go on a date then you might want to reconsider what you are doing.

                      It is up to the mother to avail of babysitters etc in order to free herself for a date. If she makes no effort to then she's not that interested.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post
                        You should absolutely not meet the kid until you are in a committed exclusive relationship.
                        Agreed.

                        IMO it's irresponsible of the mother for her to be introducing you (someone she hardly knows) to the kid at these early stages.
                        Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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                        • #13
                          I'm on the NO side too.

                          As a child of divorced parents, I can vouche for how confusing it is seeing people enter and leave your life again as a child.
                          Do not start forming a relationship with this kid unless you're in it for the long haul.

                          Besides, dates should be about you and this woman getting to know each other as potential partners. You can't do that with a kid hanging around.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Ayla View Post
                            I'm on the NO side too.

                            As a child of divorced parents, I can vouche for how confusing it is seeing people enter and leave your life again as a child.
                            Do not start forming a relationship with this kid unless you're in it for the long haul.

                            Besides, dates should be about you and this woman getting to know each other as potential partners. You can't do that with a kid hanging around.
                            It seems like I'm getting mixed answers lol. Thank You though. I lean towards the no side because how can i get to really know her with the kid around?

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by kris12rizzo View Post

                              It seems like I'm getting mixed answers lol. Thank You though. I lean towards the no side because how can i get to really know her with the kid around?
                              Exactly.
                              You're only on the third date. It would be like saying: hey, let's bring friends, relatives, parents, siblings, co-workers, ... on this date. People don't do that because the goal of the date is getting to know each other one on one, especially in the early stages.
                              Keep it between you two for now.

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