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Am I being too paranoid?

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  • Am I being too paranoid?

    Never had a first date like this...
    Met someone online a few weeks ago. We spoke and texted almost every day. Since we live 2 hours apart, we met somewhere in between yesterday. We made a full day of it (from lunch through dinner and going to a winery in between). As soon as I met him, he hugged me and started holding my hand. A short time later, he kissed me on occasion. He kept on saying he was happy to meet me and wanted to see me again soon.
    Then he said some things which i think is strange: He is a dentist and asked me if I whiten my teeth ; when I replied I only used whitening toothpaste he told me that it's bad for you and I should use a different method. He then asked about my birthmark on my arm, which really isn't obvious.
    He kept on saying I was beautiful, etc. and telling me about his prior bad dates and how happy he was to finally meet someone with my wit, looks, etc.

    he was married twice before; he does have some animosity towards his first wife because of custody issues when the kids were young and has no contact now with the 2nd ex wife.

    He listed his age on the dating site as 62 but he told me he is 66; I am listed at 58 and I'm 60 (I tried to correct mien but it was impossible). He brought it up about my age difference and so did I for him.

    Because of the distance, he wants me to spend time at his house or mine almost immediately.

    otherwise, he appears to be a well established person (has his own home, is close to his adult kids, etc.).

    I've been burnt with 2 prior relationships because of control issues and lying. Also, one of them was a narcissist and came on strong from the beginnign.

    Do I go out of my way to see this guy or not?

  • #2
    He sounds a little bit too eager to make things happen. Take it much slower.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      frustrated728 , He's moving too fast. I think there are several red flags. He's been married twice so his record doesn't look good. He's preoccupied with pointing out your appearance "flaws" which is rude and disrespectful. At least both of you were eventually honest about his and your age. Then there is the 2 hour distance which makes it inconvenient to see each other. Unfortunately, the geographical distance will eventually wear both of you down. Whenever it is a hassle to see each other, relationships become taxing to continue. Beware of narcissism, gaslighting, etc. No, I wouldn't go out of my way to see this guy. He sounds like a reject to me.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


      • #4
        I can't see anything glaringly wrong with him. He's a doctor but he's also a human being. Cut him some slack. He probably has a very fine attention to details when it comes to health issues. A few of my family and friends ended up in the health care field and it can be quite offputting when they always have your best interests. I think wait and see like Sarah says and see if his concern is really attentiveness or a crude lack of sensibility or if he lacks appropriateness during conversations. You don't want to constantly feel uncomfortable because he's a dweeb.

        I don't think it's fair to judge him based on his prior marriages either. You didn't come perfect and both of you weren't honest about your ages. There must be some insecurity there on both your parts on the dating website. Laugh it off and don't take yourselves so seriously in that respect.


        • #5
          Thank you for taking your time to reply. I'll take it slow and he agrees.