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  • Get her attracted again

    Hi,

    So I've met this girl online, we have a lot in common, we both speak the same foreign language here in the US, same culture etc...
    I've been honest to her about the fact I've been single for a month only and this scared her somehow and said she wanted to start as friends. So we had this sushi date where we had a great time, nothing happened. We met the next day around bars and she was all clingy to me and me to her. We hang out for a couple hours, kissed at some point, but after I joked about being "a red flag" she went hot and cold and we finally left eachother on a salty note.
    She said she was upset about how the night ended. She told me not willing anything serious and wanted to date around so I asked her how me being single for a short time was an issue. She said she didn't know what she wants and said we should go as friends for now. I've been texting her everyday but she answers less and less...

    How to get this back on track?

  • #2
    Originally posted by mrbt View Post
    Hi,

    So I've met this girl online, we have a lot in common, we both speak the same foreign language here in the US, same culture etc...
    I've been honest to her about the fact I've been single for a month only and this scared her somehow and said she wanted to start as friends. So we had this sushi date where we had a great time, nothing happened. We met the next day around bars and she was all clingy to me and me to her. We hang out for a couple hours, kissed at some point, but after I joked about being "a red flag" she went hot and cold and we finally left eachother on a salty note.
    She said she was upset about how the night ended. She told me not willing anything serious and wanted to date around so I asked her how me being single for a short time was an issue. She said she didn't know what she wants and said we should go as friends for now. I've been texting her everyday but she answers less and less...

    How to get this back on track?
    It's awkward those first few dates after a serious relationship has ended. You're not in the right head space and she senses that. She's mentioned she wants to date casually but I think you want something more monogamous and serious to start. You're not reading her cues at all. In the dating world wanting to date around translates as casual dating. This means getting to know new people with no desire to commit to anyone. It may also mean having sex and sleeping with multiple partners and enjoying the company of multiple dates at any given time. She is also not bound to tell you about her other dates and this is not exclusive.

    You're looking at it from the wrong angle and incredibly insecure at this time about your new singledom. This has nothing to do with being newly single. It has everything to do with not reading her cues and coming off as too serious. If you want the honest harsh truth, I suspect she is still in contact with her ex, has ex issues and a slew of other problems she hasn't worked through yet. She may also be still sleeping with her ex or unable to break off from negative influences in her life that don't allow her to move forward. I don't think she's even interested in sleeping with you so if that's what you want in the shortest amount of time possible, she's not an option. In my opinion, she's a time waster and she doesn't know what she wants.

    Don't be naive and try and streamline your dates a bit better. You'll get the hang of it soon. Don't burn out too fast on lemons like this and take healthy breaks from online dating. Good luck.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by mrbt View Post
      Hi,

      So I've met this girl online, we have a lot in common, we both speak the same foreign language here in the US, same culture etc...
      I've been honest to her about the fact I've been single for a month only and this scared her somehow and said she wanted to start as friends. So we had this sushi date where we had a great time, nothing happened. We met the next day around bars and she was all clingy to me and me to her. We hang out for a couple hours, kissed at some point, but after I joked about being "a red flag" she went hot and cold and we finally left eachother on a salty note.
      She said she was upset about how the night ended. She told me not willing anything serious and wanted to date around so I asked her how me being single for a short time was an issue. She said she didn't know what she wants and said we should go as friends for now. I've been texting her everyday but she answers less and less...

      How to get this back on track?
      It was a red flag to her when you told her you've only been single for a month which is a very short time. When you joked that you were a "red flag," she took notice and she agreed with you even though you were only joking. Your honesty was very good though. I'll give you that. She's already letting you know that she's lost interest in you. It may not be only due to the fact that you've been single for a month. Personality differences are noticeable early on and you've seen her several times already. She had time to think whether or not you were for her. She made up her mind. First she said she's willing to be friends and then she's eventually doing a fade out and will ghost you. It's obvious because she's texting you less and less as you say. Take a hint and don't push it. Don't force it. Back off. There's no getting back on track.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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