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  • 3 years later we cross paths

    3 Years ago we were almost dating until she didn't want to as we were off to different universities. So essentially it was just bad timing and it was just that. Haven't seen her in 3 years until last night.

    Quick side note: She got a boyfriend when she went to University.

    Last night my friends are all back in town for the summer from university so I got invited out to have some drinks. As I get to the bar she was there with them in the booth. I was caught off guard because they didn't tell me she was with them and this was my first time seeing her in 3 years. It wasn't awkward at all we all talked and had a good time. However I heard her over talking and it sounds like she might of broke up with her boyfriend from university. We talked all night (we haven't talked in over 3 years as well). After she was inviting me to a night out with her and friends later this week.

    What do you all think about this? Does she suddenly want to maybe get back together after not seeing each other for 3 years as she is possibly not with her boyfriend anymore? Right now I'm just chilling I am not expecting anything to happen, I just find it weird how she asking me out for a night out with friends and being really nice. Also I work at a grocery store in the summer and I heard sheís been there two consecutive days prior to last night, and she always came in to visit me 3 years ago but never did once the past three years.

    I am still interested in her, however she would have to make the first move as she was the one who originally didnít want to date 3 years earlier.


    Thanks in advance to anyone who replies, just really need some advice how I should handle this situation!

  • #2
    When you see her next time, first of all, make sure you know that she's no longer with her boyfriend. After that, develop a friendship with her and if your relationship blossoms into a girlfriend / boyfriend relationship, take it from there. For now, take it slow since you are being cautious and there's nothing wrong with that considering it was she who didn't want to date exclusively 3 years ago. Tread lightly. Go slow and follow her cue. Keep in mind though that this is only summer and then both of you return to different universities once more. Remember that reality check and make sure you discuss this departure at the end of summer in order to prevent broken hearts or ending the relationship on a down note. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. On the contrary, distance and absence causes two people to drift apart.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      Originally posted by chanelle View Post
      When you see her next time, first of all, make sure you know that she's no longer with her boyfriend. After that, develop a friendship with her and if your relationship blossoms into a girlfriend / boyfriend relationship, take it from there. For now, take it slow since you are being cautious and there's nothing wrong with that considering it was she who didn't want to date exclusively 3 years ago. Tread lightly. Go slow and follow her cue. Keep in mind though that this is only summer and then both of you return to different universities once more. Remember that reality check and make sure you discuss this departure at the end of summer in order to prevent broken hearts or ending the relationship on a down note. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. On the contrary, distance and absence causes two people to drift apart.
      Thanks for the reply!

      In regards to university, I commute to mine and live at home, she lives at the one she attends. What cues if any should I be looking for to tell if she's interested? I don't wanna get my hopes up only to be let down again, that's why I'm really cautious. I can't stop thinking about this whole ordeal, and I'm trying my best not to as I'm essentially digging a hole in regards to getting my hopes up.

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      • #4
        First off, don't get yourself put on the friends ladder if you want to be more then her friend. Keep your heart to yourself as she's still in University and she wants to likely still be single so she can pick another boy as filler until she's finished, graduated and knows where she'll be living.

        You should do the same.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Travis80 View Post

          Thanks for the reply!

          In regards to university, I commute to mine and live at home, she lives at the one she attends. What cues if any should I be looking for to tell if she's interested? I don't wanna get my hopes up only to be let down again, that's why I'm really cautious. I can't stop thinking about this whole ordeal, and I'm trying my best not to as I'm essentially digging a hole in regards to getting my hopes up.
          Cues you should be looking for specifically would be her having a conversation with you regarding where she would like this relationship to go. She'll mention if she wants to remain friends or more. Don't let your cues from her be only physical because it'll leave you confused without any clear answers about where your friendship or relationship's direction is headed. However, be forewarned that if you really don't wish to get your hopes up, keep in mind that once summer is over, both of you return to your respective universities once more. This means, she'll most likely meet a guy once you go your separate ways again as you will, too in your own way. There is nothing wrong with continuing to cultivate, nurture and maintain a friendship with her now, this summer and in the future because friendships endure whereas it's easier to break up and not see each other permanently. Friendships later can lead to a romance if it's headed in that direction and if not, a friendship can be a beautiful thing. Never sever a friendship even if it doesn't lead to romance right now because you never know in the future. In other words, don't burn your bridges. You don't get your hopes up if you expect less and lower the bar. Take it one step at a time. Develop a true friendship, be patient even if it takes a long time and take it from there. Be patient.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by chanelle View Post

            Cues you should be looking for specifically would be her having a conversation with you regarding where she would like this relationship to go. She'll mention if she wants to remain friends or more. Don't let your cues from her be only physical because it'll leave you confused without any clear answers about where your friendship or relationship's direction is headed. However, be forewarned that if you really don't wish to get your hopes up, keep in mind that once summer is over, both of you return to your respective universities once more. This means, she'll most likely meet a guy once you go your separate ways again as you will, too in your own way. There is nothing wrong with continuing to cultivate, nurture and maintain a friendship with her now, this summer and in the future because friendships endure whereas it's easier to break up and not see each other permanently. Friendships later can lead to a romance if it's headed in that direction and if not, a friendship can be a beautiful thing. Never sever a friendship even if it doesn't lead to romance right now because you never know in the future. In other words, don't burn your bridges. You don't get your hopes up if you expect less and lower the bar. Take it one step at a time. Develop a true friendship, be patient even if it takes a long time and take it from there. Be patient.

            We are not really friends at the moment, this was the first time seeing her and as well as talking to her in 3 years. Iím undecided whether or not to pursue a friendship at the very least as Iím afraid I might hurt myself while being friends with her. What Iím trying to say is that itís either a romantic relationship or nothing because Iím not sure if a friendship can work out.

            when I saw her the other night Iím was happy that it wasnít awkward, and nothing was mentioned about us 3 years ago. Also this is both our final year in university until we graduate.

            My dilemma right now is whether or not a friendship will work and of course try not to shoot myself in the foot and get my hopes up about whether or not this will turn into something.

            thanks again for your detailed reply, it really helps me.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Travis80 View Post


              We are not really friends at the moment, this was the first time seeing her and as well as talking to her in 3 years. Iím undecided whether or not to pursue a friendship at the very least as Iím afraid I might hurt myself while being friends with her. What Iím trying to say is that itís either a romantic relationship or nothing because Iím not sure if a friendship can work out.

              when I saw her the other night Iím was happy that it wasnít awkward, and nothing was mentioned about us 3 years ago. Also this is both our final year in university until we graduate.

              My dilemma right now is whether or not a friendship will work and of course try not to shoot myself in the foot and get my hopes up about whether or not this will turn into something.

              thanks again for your detailed reply, it really helps me.
              If you're afraid of getting hurt with just a friendship then don't pursue a romantic relationship. Usually, a person or many people in general, don't simply dive into a romantic relationship immediately without getting to know a person first and a good, solid friendship establishes a foundation for a more enduring romantic relationship. The problem with rushing into romantic relationships is, there's the kissing, hugging, etc. but you don't know the person well. You don't know their character and personality. This spells trouble eventually and it's no surprise that breakups occur eventually sooner or later.

              Even though there was nothing mentioned regarding what happened 3 years ago, it's not healthy to not mention it. Even if it's romantic now, long distance relationships usually do not work. Granted there's only a year left but when you two are apart once summer is over, it's just that: apart. Don't set yourself up for unnecessary pain and disappointment later down the road.

              Either you be up front and honest from the beginning with her and know where this is going if it's leaning towards jumping into romance instead of friendship or you will never know.

              It should be nothing with you since the notion of friendship is off the table. However, keep in mind that even though friendships are possible after jumping into romance, you've got it backwards. It's better to be friends, develop into romance and develop a deep friendship in combination with romance. It's step-by-step in order; not all mixed up. You sound young. With all due respect, you need to grow up and be mature. Don't be irrational. Think straight. Get rid of the infatuation thought because it is so temporary and fleeting.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Travis80 View Post
                3 Years ago we were almost dating until she didn't want to as we were off to different universities. So essentially it was just bad timing and it was just that. Haven't seen her in 3 years until last night.

                Quick side note: She got a boyfriend when she went to University.

                Last night my friends are all back in town for the summer from university so I got invited out to have some drinks. As I get to the bar she was there with them in the booth. I was caught off guard because they didn't tell me she was with them and this was my first time seeing her in 3 years. It wasn't awkward at all we all talked and had a good time. However I heard her over talking and it sounds like she might of broke up with her boyfriend from university. We talked all night (we haven't talked in over 3 years as well). After she was inviting me to a night out with her and friends later this week.

                What do you all think about this? Does she suddenly want to maybe get back together after not seeing each other for 3 years as she is possibly not with her boyfriend anymore? Right now I'm just chilling I am not expecting anything to happen, I just find it weird how she asking me out for a night out with friends and being really nice. Also I work at a grocery store in the summer and I heard sheís been there two consecutive days prior to last night, and she always came in to visit me 3 years ago but never did once the past three years.

                I am still interested in her, however she would have to make the first move as she was the one who originally didnít want to date 3 years earlier.


                Thanks in advance to anyone who replies, just really need some advice how I should handle this situation!
                Two reasons she's not a good choice. 1) she broke up with you easily just because of different universities (are you kidding). 2) she's just possibly broken up with her uni boyfriend and if this is true, she's not in the right head space. You're just a punching bag for her issues. I wouldn't bother. Hang out with her like old friends and out of curiosity but I wouldn't bet much on her reliability.

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