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Why Would A Guy’s Friend Dislike You?

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  • Why Would A Guy’s Friend Dislike You?

    Why would a guy’s best friend seemingly dislike you?




    They’re best friends. Alex is the guy I’m mainly interested in. Bob I find to be highly attractive, but don’t pay much attention to.




    Alex and I would message back and forth on Facebook. Long messages “getting to know each other” (I know. Terrible way to get to know someone. I’ve learned that lesson) We both started off shy and awkward around each other in person. Alex would start small talk sometimes. Every so often, I’d ask Alex something in person. Bob would start to answer for him and then see that I was looking at Alex, so he would stop talking and sometimes would walk away. One time he left Alex standing there staring at me until I nodded, and then he nodded back and walked away. I went out with both of them and a couple of their friends to dinner one night. Bob spent most of the night talking to me and explaining their inside jokes, since I was too much of a wuss to sit right next to Alex. After a while of talking to Alex online, I told him I’d rather we talk in person from now on, thinking that would force us to get over the awkwardness.




    Alex is gone for a couple of weeks in which Bob starts being friendlier to me...mostly making strong eye contact and asking how I am, etc. Alex decides to add me on SnapChat (ugh. Sign of the times) during this time...further frustrating me, as we haven’t increased our in person interaction. Me being frustrated and not exactly caring at this point, asked him why he added me when we don’t talk in person, and if I come off as unapproachable. He said I don’t and suggested that maybe he’s the unapproachable one. Alex comes back to the place we all see eachother for a day. Bob comes up to borrow something from me and there’s a slight flirtation between us that Alex likely saw. Nothing extreme. Gradually, Bob starts not responding when I greet him and will face me with a close lipped smile on his face instead of responding with a “hi” as I offer him. One day I was looking at Alex across the room and saw Bob facing my way and already looking at me. Bob and I make eye contact and I’m pretty sure he made a sort of “disgusted” face towards me. That part could be my imagination, but I don’t think so. There was one time Bob lingered around near me, but I didn’t talk to him or initiate conversation. (Why try if someone won’t say hi?)




    Alex and I finally start having real conversations in person. He finally starts initiating goodbyes (things were that weird between us that we wouldn’t always say bye to eachother at first). Bob still won’t say hi to me when I say hi, but when they’re together and Alex says bye he will say bye, too.




    Why does this guy seem to dislike me? For the most part, I feel like I’ve always been friendly towards him, but just focused on his friend. He did respond when I asked how his job was going the other day. Just trying to be friendly. My negative, overthinking mind just has come to the conclusion that he thinks I’m interested in him or something, so he acts rude towards me so I don’t get the wrong impression. My guy friends think he doesn’t want to “overstep” Alex in this situation. (However, what’s there to overstep with Alex at this point if no moves are being made?) I also wonder if he’s being negative towards me because he thinks I should get over his friend or something. I have no clue. I didn’t do anything to him or say anything rude to him. Any thoughts?

  • #2
    For someone who is suppose to be interested in Alex, you seem to be awfully preoccupied with what Bob is thinking and doing when it comes to you.

    Whats your angle? Why do you care so much about whether Bob likes you or not?
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      That’s a good point. It’s more that I want to know what’s up because they are super close. I don’t want his best friend to dislike me right off the bat, and maybe he doesn’t seem to like me because he knows something about the interaction between Alex and I that I don’t. (Like maybe Alex finds me annoying and doesn’t actually want to talk to me or something and is just being polite, but doesn’t know how to say otherwise.). That scenario is mostly my overthinking mind talking.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by JjMm4 View Post
        That’s a good point. It’s more that I want to know what’s up because they are super close. I don’t want his best friend to dislike me right off the bat, and maybe he doesn’t seem to like me because he knows something about the interaction between Alex and I that I don’t. (Like maybe Alex finds me annoying and doesn’t actually want to talk to me or something and is just being polite, but doesn’t know how to say otherwise.). That scenario is mostly my overthinking mind talking.
        Don't worry so much about Bob. He's not the one you're interested in. You seem scatterbrained and that's probably confusing everyone. I mean that in the most honest/kind way. Stop looking for validation from everyone in a 300m radius. You can't please everyone.

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        • #5
          Thank you, Rose! You’re right. I shouldn’t be caring what Bob’s deal is. You’re also right about me being scatterbrained. If overthinking was considered an illness, I would need the strongest treatment possible. Instead, I will continue to focus on my interactions with Alex while I am in the present moment and will continue to just say “hi” to Bob without worrying what his response is. I can be polite and will continue to do so.. If he chooses not to be, so be it, but I shouldnt let it hinder my interactions with Alex.

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          • #6
            It sounds like to me that Bob had a thing for you , but knows your interested in Alex . I think he’s ego is hurt because
            “ he’s the good looking one ! “

            Arrange to see Alex alone , cofffee , drinks whatever that way the two of you can talk with no other distractions !
            You could ask him , or figure out a creative way to do it , if being forward is not your thing.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by JjMm4 View Post
              Thank you, Rose! You’re right. I shouldn’t be caring what Bob’s deal is. You’re also right about me being scatterbrained. If overthinking was considered an illness, I would need the strongest treatment possible. Instead, I will continue to focus on my interactions with Alex while I am in the present moment and will continue to just say “hi” to Bob without worrying what his response is. I can be polite and will continue to do so.. If he chooses not to be, so be it, but I shouldnt let it hinder my interactions with Alex.
              Good plan!

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