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ive tried everything. i need help/advice

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  • ive tried everything. i need help/advice

    let me just go off saying everything about me.,

    so im horrible i feel like. i just want to drink. im so lonley and so hurt. im 26 years old, male living in oklahoma. im looking for solid advice. good, solid, life advice.


    so when i was 17-18 i had a four year relationship that ended about when i was 18-19 we had a daughter together and shes now 8 years old. i get to see her whenever i want and i try to be the best dad i can.

    lately i have just been really down, havent left my house, havent done anything. i need to get off my ass, get a job just figure out something. i dont even know what makes me happy anymore. im sorry this is gonna be really long because i genuinely want the reader to get an idea of my life.

    so since i was 17-18 i had a really really close circle group of friends. i always have had depression, social anxiety, issues problems with meeting making friends and people. still do. i dont know. i guess im really picky.

    well my circle has gotten so small., i really dont have any friends or very rarely if ever do i talk to any of those people i grew up with...

    well about the time i was 20 years old i met another girl that really messed my life up, she ended up moving in with me and my family she also had a child the same age as mine. you know she had a ton of problems like myself, i have always drank often or alot, but its really become a problem in my life here of lately.

    anyways i did everything i could to make me and her work it was aweful. i almost dont even wanna rehash it. she cheated on me so much. i cheated on her 2-3 times but nothing like the count she has against me. probably in the 20s or some crazy number. well about the time i was 22-23 years old i was fed up and about had it, she ended up pregnet and i stuck by her side. didnt even know if it was my kid, i had my own apartment at the time cared for her like she was a damn kid. her baby barely made it do to her taking pills all the time

    long story short relationship number 2 : ended up working, going to school and paying for a apartment being her basically caretaker while she was pregnet and while the baby was born and got out of emergency infact crap (baby had health problems cause of her) around for about 4 months into it i come home one day and she was messed up on drugs , i was stressed out and drinking all the time, besides the point....i come home shes gone and this baby is in the backroom screaming, i pick up the baby like my own daughter(at the time i thought she was ) and well called the cops.

    after that alot of court shit happened and about the time i was 24 we were officially over had already been with 2-3 other women and somewhere in that time frame i was in another short beautiful relationship.

    probably my favorite one of my life. allthough it only lasted 6 months, i think i was in alot of emotional pain, still dwelling on the past and drinking alot. my relationship woman number 2 really messed me up.


    she eventually left me and got with a guy and now there married. pretty much every relationship ive had at some point in time besides that one i left because it wasnt good for me and it took me along time to realize it.




    so now im 25 had a couple dates i guess? met woman, slept with a few..just wasnt anything special, nothing there. like its terrible. i genuinely feel like i just cant connect with woman. theres to many young or really old ones, like no ones on the same page as me.? i decided i was done.


    i met a girl online started talking to her alot, fell in love. she had a boyfriend at the time always telling me how shitty of a boyfriend he was well a year later she was pretty much my only friend, she lives half way across the country with her mom and i myself have now ive been living with my family member for along time. about almost 3 years now since my relationship number 2 falling out where i realized i was with a women that had a kid that wasnt even mine.....


    anyhow. im a wreck man. i went all the way across the country on a plane flight, quit my job , had a bit of money saved up. i go there to see her knowing full and damn well she was still with this guy and i tell her i love her, i wanted to be in a relationship with her, that id do whatever it takes. I DONT want to be alone anymore.,




    i dont . its terrible. i actually had a connection again. well i got rejected. we never did anything and her boyfriend never even knew about all this. funny her boyfriend dumped her a couple weeks after i left. so about 2 weeks later i ask her online to be my girlfriend and she says she cant. our relationship has been so different since i left. we dont talk anymore, we are not close like we were before. she would even say all the time i wish i had my bestfriend back for a few weeks i was really struggling with the fact i flew halfway across the country pretty much screwed my life up to tell her i love her.


    life goes on. i still talk to her, its not the same. i dont know if it ever will be. but i truly do love her. still . i wish she felt the same. i dont know.





    i guess i have to move on. you know. i have no job, no money really. nothing big going for me. i live with my family memeber. i am struggling with iscolation. i deleted all my social media accounts about the time i got back from this trip to see this woman. it was to hard and painful to see her and think about her. i loved her so much. i almost would have stayed there knowing my daughter lives here where im at so far away. i just want to be happy and i dont know what makes me happy anymore.



    all this materialistic crap. like i just want to save all my money when i get a job again, and i dont even think i make that much. i might be able to save maybe 2-300$ every week once i start working again cause ill be working alot, but...


    i just dont know what for. i dont know what to do in life anymore.


    i dont know what makes me happy. i always wanted to take a trip to alaska. i could have, i had the opportunity the chance, money everything. instead i chose to see a woman i thought would be thrilled. like a huge hug kiss tell me she loves me....nope. i just spent alot of time with her and her kid and spent a ton of money doing nice things together with them. it made me so happy. it hurts im still so sad, its hard. i got about 30 minutes before the cut off for alcohol purchases and its tempting.



    i finally stopping drinking, have put in some effort and kind of started to look for a job, ive started going to AA

    met a few people got a bunch of phone numbers its just shit. ive been on so many dating sites, im like really into heavy metal music, i used to play guitar, i like guns shit like that, muscle cars, chevys and bmws chrysler 300s....materialistic shit im rambling on about........ like it even matters. i doubt anyone will even read all this.



    its just tough i get home and nobody is here. my family members house i live at there never here ever. if i had a girlfriend they wouldnt care if she stayed occasionally with me. as long as there not a terrible person breaking the law like a drug addict or something terrible like that. i dont know.


    im at my witts end. i dont know whats wrong with me. why cant i just meet anybody. ive tried this plenty of fish crap and that tinder crap and now craigslist you cant find anyone to date. like why cant i just...


    i dont know. im so hurt. like nobody cares wether i live or die really you know. im just so alone.

    more than anything i want a girl i can vibe with, someone that kinda can tolerate or is interested or already has her own interests similar to mine..


    i just wish i had someone that was decently attractive shorter than me not really obese, i can deal with chubby. i like bigger girls for the most part, even though im kinda skinny and tall myself i like the short kinda somewhat thicker ones. i dont know whats wrong with me man. ive been with really skinny women too smaller than me or roughly the same size. i dont know. all i really care about looks wise is boobs to be honest. bigger the better in my opinion lol.



    i just feel terrible. maybe i am a terrible person.


    like everything that matters to me in life i want doesnt even matter, because for the first time since i was like 14 i have been single pretty much for about 3 going on 4 years now.


    im just alone, and i probably will stay that way. who would want me. im an alcoholic piece of shit who lives with his grandpa, maybe im just fuck ugly.

    but to be fair, i really cant find or meet anyone i like for there interests or similar to me or looks...just .. i dont know.

    i think im about done with life.


    i really wish that girl that lives far away loved me. time doesnt matter. id do anything to make it work. but like she said if we were together she would want to physically be with me all the time. she said she cant do long distance... and i dont see any possible way of me living there near her for atleast 3 years of serious life changes. and thats alot to do for a women that rejected me that probably doesnt even love me. even if she does talk to me.



    i just need to keep going to AA alcohgolics annonymous and try and meet friends,. battle my insomnia lonleyness and iscolation. i need friends. i need love and hope in my life./


    avtomat.

  • #2
    Your focus is wrong.
    You will never meet a decent girl while you yourself have nothing to offer.
    You can turn it around. You are young.

    Well done with going to AA. Keep it up!

    But you need to come off dating sites for at least a year. While you work on yourself. You can't make another person happy nor they make you happy. You have to have self contentment first.

    Make small short term goals. And enjoy the success when you achieve them .
    Make getting a job a priority. Even if a part time one to begin with.
    Become a male role model to your child.
    Take your child to the park or anything that's free but fun for the child. Go watch your child when playing sport etc.

    And please forget the online girl. She was using you as a distraction only.
    Never ever consider meeting a girl who has a bf. No matter how shitty she says her relationship is. She is a cheater , emotionally and will cheat on you given the chance.

    Go for a 5km walk daily. Break into a run every so often.

    Look after yourself , get help for your depression. Take medication for it and counselling if you can.

    Good luck!!!

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    • #3
      really dude thats it? no. just no. i refuse to give up. i went all the way to see that women 3000 miles away. i refuse to just give up on her. she still talks to me. even though shes back and forth with her boyfriend. i just dont know. i cant change her or make her feel a certain way you know. i dont know. yeah focus on myself or whatever. yeah i wont get my hopes up but im not gonna just forget her. hell.


      i would wait 5 years or do whatever it takes for that women. but i cant change her or make her feel a certain way. i dont know its really tough. she just says she cant do long distance. maybe she will come around eventually. next time im in a good situation if were still close im going to see if she wants to visit ME and not me go see her. im sure things might be different then. shes already expressed interest in that someday.


      what really urks me about the whole thing is shes so back and forth with this guy shes with errhhhh its none of my concern yeah, but i just wish i lived closer to her. if i did we would almost for sure be together.... i just cant afford that and my family , my daughter everything... is here where i live. all i know is i dont want to live in this state anymore. in this "state" of living (being the way i live and how i live) and this actual state as in the place i live. so im going to start saving for my own house and my future.

      i cant help it im madly in love with that woman.
      Last edited by avtomatkalashnikov; May 17th, 2018, 04:05 AM.

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