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  • Unable To Find A Girl I Actually Like

    Hi all,

    I'm 19 years old, and I've had trouble finding a girl that I'm actually attracted to. I've only ever hooked up with two girls, one back in high school, and the other just a couple days ago. I've never slept with a girl, mainly due to not having a place to do it back in high school, and recently because the other one didn't want to. Thing is, I wasn't attracted to these girls. Recently, this girl asked me out to a movie and I had nothing better to do so I went, and we made out the entire movie and then hooked up in the back of my car afterwards. I don't really feel shitty because she got as much out of it as I did, and it's not like I was leading her on because she's not really expecting anything from me.

    I'm relatively short (barely pushing into 5'9), and a little bit awkward. I dress fine, but could improve. I met this one girl at work, and eventually I asked her out, but she told me she had a boyfriend, but gave me her number and told me he doesn't have to know, which I politely jotted down, but left it at that. I also study engineering at university so my course is made up entirely of men so I'm unable to meet someone from my course, and most of the girls I find attractive I consider to be out of my league anyway.

    I suppose my problem is a bit of being afraid to try new things and meeting new people or trying to actually pursue an attractive girl. I feel there's also a bit of insecurity and a fear of rejection involved.

    I guess, my "date" a couple days ago was an eye-opener that I don't pursue women I find attractive out of fear of something. I'm not sure whether the venue has something to do with it, because at uni it's incredibly difficult when there are no girls in your course.

    What do you think might be going on? What improvements do I need to make?

  • #2
    Originally posted by D3TR View Post
    most of the girls I find attractive I consider to be out of my league anyway.
    I see three possible problems here:

    1. Do you have low self esteem and are undervaluing yourself? Maybe you perceive yourself to be "less than" what the reality is. Is that possible? If so, you should work on improving your self esteem. There are self esteem building exercises you can do, or see a therapist to work on developing a healthier self esteem.

    2. Are you actually unattractive or average at best, but won't consider women who are "in your league"? Most people end up with someone similar on the attractiveness scale. You may need to adjust your expectations to realistic levels.

    3. If you have the potential to attract these ideal women you find so attractive, but are just not making the effort to make yourself attractive, maybe you need to put in more time and effort on yourself. Get in shape, improve your wardrobe, stylish haircut, interesting hobbies, improve your social life, or whatever will improve your level of attractiveness.

    I'm guessing it's one of these three things that you need to do to have greater success with women.


    Comment


    • #3
      You're only 19 years old. Please be patient! I knew a nerdy guy in HS who was in band, very academic, so smart and rejected many times from girls for prom and winter formal. He took it in stride. He wasn't that tall nor popular at school. However, he was serious about his future so he concentrated on his vision regarding education and career. He kept his nose to the grindstone regarding going his own way in life. Well guess what? I bumped into him during a local errand last summer while he was visiting his family. Wow. He made it. He graduated at the top of his class, attained an amazing job and has a beautiful, poised, very nice, intelligent girlfriend whom he will marry soon. He was pushing through an open door. He didn't even have to try to attract anyone because he is the one who turned heads; not the other way around. His fiancee wasted no time snatching him up. Just you wait. Work hard, stay busy and you will attract the right woman. Your time will come.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by D3TR View Post
        Hi all,

        I'm 19 years old, and I've had trouble finding a girl that I'm actually attracted to. I've only ever hooked up with two girls, one back in high school, and the other just a couple days ago. I've never slept with a girl, mainly due to not having a place to do it back in high school, and recently because the other one didn't want to. Thing is, I wasn't attracted to these girls. Recently, this girl asked me out to a movie and I had nothing better to do so I went, and we made out the entire movie and then hooked up in the back of my car afterwards. I don't really feel shitty because she got as much out of it as I did, and it's not like I was leading her on because she's not really expecting anything from me.

        I'm relatively short (barely pushing into 5'9), and a little bit awkward. I dress fine, but could improve. I met this one girl at work, and eventually I asked her out, but she told me she had a boyfriend, but gave me her number and told me he doesn't have to know, which I politely jotted down, but left it at that. I also study engineering at university so my course is made up entirely of men so I'm unable to meet someone from my course, and most of the girls I find attractive I consider to be out of my league anyway.

        I suppose my problem is a bit of being afraid to try new things and meeting new people or trying to actually pursue an attractive girl. I feel there's also a bit of insecurity and a fear of rejection involved.

        I guess, my "date" a couple days ago was an eye-opener that I don't pursue women I find attractive out of fear of something. I'm not sure whether the venue has something to do with it, because at uni it's incredibly difficult when there are no girls in your course.

        What do you think might be going on? What improvements do I need to make?
        Girls at your age are not entirely right in the head and most don't know what they want (even though they may think they do). It's good men like you in stable careers who end up happier in the long run. You'll look back at this time and chuckle on it, I guarantee you, because it won't last forever. You're just getting used to your legs. Give yourself time to grow, do well in your course and start building your career. Women will come on their own, I promise you.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post

          Girls at your age are not entirely right in the head and most don't know what they want (even though they may think they do). It's good men like you in stable careers who end up happier in the long run. You'll look back at this time and chuckle on it, I guarantee you, because it won't last forever. You're just getting used to your legs. Give yourself time to grow, do well in your course and start building your career. Women will come on their own, I promise you.
          Girls at his age are not right in the head? Wtf?
          "Men like you in stable careers"???

          He and the girls are all students with view to stable careers!

          Rose, that was hardly helpful! And sexist!

          OP, you are just inexperienced and a little self conscious and insecure .
          Ask a girl out that you like and realise that 9 out of 10 times you will be rejected.
          Thats normal!

          The "popular" guys only talk about the girls they successfully dated and never about their numerous rejections prior.
          Practise practise practise.

          Comment


          • #6
            [QUOTE I met this one girl at work, and eventually I asked her out, but she told me she had a boyfriend, but gave me her number and told me he doesn't have to know, which I politely jotted down, but left it at that.[/QUOTE]

            Well you did the right thing giving that one a wide berth!lol

            It's never easy asking a girl out at the best of times & we are all self conscious to some degree especially at your age!

            Try not to take any rejections to heart if you really want a girlfriend.

            I would suggest though trying to meet women who have a common interest to you.

            That way at least the ice will be easier to break!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by D3TR View Post
              Hi all,

              I'm 19 years old, and I've had trouble finding a girl that I'm actually attracted to. I've only ever hooked up with two girls, one back in high school, and the other just a couple days ago. I've never slept with a girl, mainly due to not having a place to do it back in high school, and recently because the other one didn't want to. Thing is, I wasn't attracted to these girls. Recently, this girl asked me out to a movie and I had nothing better to do so I went, and we made out the entire movie and then hooked up in the back of my car afterwards. I don't really feel shitty because she got as much out of it as I did, and it's not like I was leading her on because she's not really expecting anything from me.

              I'm relatively short (barely pushing into 5'9), and a little bit awkward. I dress fine, but could improve. I met this one girl at work, and eventually I asked her out, but she told me she had a boyfriend, but gave me her number and told me he doesn't have to know, which I politely jotted down, but left it at that. I also study engineering at university so my course is made up entirely of men so I'm unable to meet someone from my course, and most of the girls I find attractive I consider to be out of my league anyway.

              I suppose my problem is a bit of being afraid to try new things and meeting new people or trying to actually pursue an attractive girl. I feel there's also a bit of insecurity and a fear of rejection involved.

              I guess, my "date" a couple days ago was an eye-opener that I don't pursue women I find attractive out of fear of something. I'm not sure whether the venue has something to do with it, because at uni it's incredibly difficult when there are no girls in your course.

              What do you think might be going on? What improvements do I need to make?
              I am really in much the same position as you but you have the benefit of being younger than me. My experience is I am also awkward and it puts people off, try work on this, its not a huge issue and don't make it one but work on integrating with people better. Dressing, wear what makes you feel confident that's the best advice I can give in in terms of that.

              Meeting people is very hard, cant give you advice there apart from you should try form friendships, I have very few so I don't meet people often at all.

              Comment


              • #8
                D3, people are attracted to those who exude self-confidence. Shyness and poor self image are not going to attract the opposite sex.

                You need to work on viewing yourself as totally worthy of a girl's attention. Do some research on how to improve your self confidence.
                "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                  D3, people are attracted to those who exude self-confidence. Shyness and poor self image are not going to attract the opposite sex.

                  You need to work on viewing yourself as totally worthy of a girl's attention. Do some research on how to improve your self confidence.
                  Absolutely true....took me a decade and a half to realise that and basically its too late for me now, so OP I suggest you read the bold part above many times and work on that....

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You are only 19, don't spend your younger years worrying about when the girl will come along. It will happen when you least expect it to.

                    Sounds like you to take a step back and just try to enjoy life for a bit (try relax) Google methods ie breathing, yoga etc. A vacation maybe.

                    I know its easier said than done but if you feel something is wrong (whether or not there is) then do something about it. I am very similar but I am very slowly trying to better myself: for example I have psoriasis so my small step I am taking at the moment to feel better is to put all my lotions & potions on to clear that up. Next step is for me personally to lose weight & get a bit fitter. I have started by swapping fizzy juice for water at the minute.

                    I do believe if you do feel better on the outside it changes how u feel on the inside. But only change for yourself, for your own self belief. A girl should like/love you for who you are.

                    Get out and enjoy life. See places you want to see, do things you want to do.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                      Girls at his age are not right in the head? Wtf?
                      "Men like you in stable careers"???

                      He and the girls are all students with view to stable careers!

                      Rose, that was hardly helpful! And sexist!

                      OP, you are just inexperienced and a little self conscious and insecure .
                      Ask a girl out that you like and realise that 9 out of 10 times you will be rejected.
                      Thats normal!

                      The "popular" guys only talk about the girls they successfully dated and never about their numerous rejections prior.
                      Practise practise practise.
                      Geezus, your blood pressure must be through the roof. I was offering support for the situation and my damn take. If you're too dense to see past that and get hung up on the semantics, that's your problem.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You are 19, i would not worry much about it.

                        When i was your age i thought i was going to be alone forever... but being now 31 ive had 3 LTR so far...

                        Comment

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