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Do you believe in second chances?

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  • Do you believe in second chances?

    I come from a family that was destroyed by drugs and alcohol abuse. But today, my family is no longer broken and over time it has been healed which im very thankful for.

    I decided at a very early age that i did not want to grow up to be like my family (back when it sucked) and as a result i grew up to become very self driven, independant, etc. Today i work for Caterpillar(this is the real name of my job) and i am a robotic welder.

    Because of my past, i never really considered my blood family as real family up until several years ago and it has taken a while to knock down walls of distrust.

    I'm also a Christian and have always been attracted to ministry work because ive always had a desire to help others. I also have a huge need to be a part of something bigger than myself. Due to the metalhead and motorcycle enthusiast aspects of my personality, i eventually became a member in a Brotherhiod of bikers called The Soldiers of Hypocrites MM(yes this is a fake name, not the real name.

    When it comes to biker groups there are MMs(motorcycle ministries) and there are MCc (motorcycle clubs). Motorcycle Clubs from what i understand are not gangs, they are brotherhoods and most are comprised of dang decent folks, especially combat veterans. There are a lot of MCs out there that do get into trouble but they have problems because they are people with faults just like any other people

    MMs for the most part are ministry organizations that also tend to be brotherhoods. Both MMs and MCs tend to treat fellow members of their group as family. For example, i was riding in the rain one time 10:30 at night and my front wheel bearings failed and was forced to pull over to keep from accidentally killing myself. One phone call to my btothers and within two hours im in bed asleep after a brother put my bike on a trailer, taking it to his place to get it fixed after taking me out to eat and giving me a ride home.

    Well, this was around the time i met Amanda (fake name) who is the love of my life. We were in a relationship for a while and i eventually took her to some of the charity events that my MM did and to our clubhouse for her to get to know my biker family.

    Because of my blood family's past, at the time the MM i was in felt like the only real family i ever had.

    But the more my girlfriend got to know them the more disturbed she became and began to warn me that these people are like a cult.

    She was right, but i was so consumed with my desire to be a part of something that makes a difference and a real family that i didnt see it. I thought she was just jealous because of how loyal amd commited i was to them.

    Amanda and i became so close that we were beginning to talk about marriage and it was clear that we both wanted to get married. I got a ring and was in the process of coming up with a plan on how to propose.

    But her issue with the MM became worse and worse and our relationship was beginning to become a wedge between me and my brothers.

    I honestly believed that i was in a relationship with a woman who was the type who tries to keep her man from following his passion. But in reality she actually did notice a lot of red flags and with tears she tried her best to warn me but i didnt listen. She eventually got to the point of not having anything to do with them.

    I then had to make a choice, the MM or Amanda. I'm not a controlling guy and since its 2018 and not 1959 i believe in treating women as equals. But with that being said, out of fear of being pulled away from what i thought was the only real family i ever had, i broke up with her.

    That was nearly two and a half years ago.

    Last year she tracked me down on facebook and tried to check up on me, asking how i was doing, but by then i was so brainwashed by that MM that i sent her a hateful message as an attempt to push her away because i was still not over her one bit. I tried my best to stop loving her but it was (and still is) impossible for me to do that.

    Well ever since i broke up with her, i began to see what she was seeing: the Soldiers of Hypocrites MM began to slowly corrupt from a brotherhood and a Christian organization into a wannabe gang and a cult. More often they began to act like thugs and over time our charity events and rides began to become more about making money to keep bills paid (because it costs money to do the things we did). Also with the leadership's sudden obsession with money came corruption, and some wierd desire out of knowhere to be more like a MC and less like an MM. For example, one member did time for picking up a weapon and nearly beating a homeless guy to death because he thought the guy was being disrespectful to a member's wife And when he got out of jail he was treated like a hero and the leaderahip let him get away with acting like a thug and a bully to fellow members. He even got caught smoking weed, and his colors(leather vest with patches) was found in a crack house. And even though he lost his colors, after a while they had plans on giving his cut back without earning it like the rest of us all have to do because he "did time for the club" and he "goes way back" with the leaders. Yes they even began to call themselves a club even they were supposed to be a ministry. Finally one day i caught him picking up a michete and slashing and stabbing at somebody over a matter of 20 dollars, only weeks after he got caught getting high again (they of course did nothing about it).

    I had to physically separate him and was forced to call the cops and i had him arrested.

    The leadership responded by cussing me out and threatening me, calling me all kinds of names and preached to me "we dont call the police, we call family"....all while having a banner hanging at their clubhouse that says "back the badge".

    I believed in that mindset of calling family and not police but just a week before this happened i was in a situation where a dude 3 times my size was about to fight me. I called family for help and they didnt come. I was forced to deal with this guy myself. When i called the leadership out on their hypocrisy and how they gave me no choice but to call the cops because they demonstrated the week before that they dont have my back when things are about to get violent, they just got mad and cussed me out. They even went so far as intimidatimg the victim into telling the police that he wasnt really attacked and now that maniac is out of jail.

    I then told them to their face that Amanda was right about them, told them that i dont trust them anymore and laid down my colors and left.

    This happpened several months ago.

    It wasnt until last week that i could work up the nerve to contact my ex.

    After finding her on facebook messenger (because she moved to a town four hours from me) i sent her a long letter telling her what happened. I made it clear in that letter that i was not attempting to get back with her because i know that i done burned that bridge to the ground when i chose them over her....and then i buried that bridge in lead and concrete when i pushed her away for a second time when she tried to get in touch with me again last year.

    I also made it clear in that letter that i wasnt looking for forgiveness either because i will never be able to forgive myself for letting someone who i love very much slip through my fingers. I hurt her...twice...and i told her i know there is no coming back from that.

    I told her in that letter that i wasnt looking for closure either. I told her that there is no closure when it comes to her because i cannot stop loving her even though i tried.

    I told her that i was just trying to do the right thing by telling her that she was right and i was wrong and that i'm sorry.

    I can live with the fact that i hurt myself and that i broke my own heart. But living with the fact that i hurt her...twice....is just plain unbearable, and i told her that to.



    ....Well she responded to my letter and i was expecting an arse chewing session but instead was something that blew my mind. She told me that she forgave me the moment i did those things to her and that she has absolutely no grudge towards me. She knew that i was trying to be a good man and she knew that i had good intentions ect.

    She also gave me her phone number. I asked her why she was being so nice to me despite all this and she told me that when Jesus came into her life it changed her heart and it's given her an uncanny ability to forgive and not hold grudges.

    I asked her if it would be ok if i would try to build a friendship with her again and then see what happens and she agreed to let me do that but warned me that her heart is really guarded this time around.

    We've been texting for the last three days, like a lot, getting caught up on each other's lives and getting to know each other again.

    Last night when her and i were texting heach other heavily for a few hours, she agreed to let me call her tomorrow (monday) and talk to her over the phone again.

    I feel like i'm getting a second chance but at the same time my guard is also up because:

    1. I never thought she would ever speak to me again.

    2. I dont understand how she can be so nice to me after all this. I just dont comprehend it.

    3. I feel like this is too good to be true and that at any moment im gonna get a text from her saying that she cant do this and to leave her alone.

    4. That i might be able to build a friendship with her again but because of how i hurt her i will never be able to go beyond that again. And i know that i deserve that.

    Any advice on what i should do here? If there is so much as a slim chance of me being able to be with her again then i want to go for it whenever the time is right.

    But the truth is that i've watched many men do WAY WORSE things than i have done and those jerks always get a second chance. So i'm hoping that this jerk (me) could somehow get a second chance too.


  • #2
    Originally posted by Fester316 View Post


    ....Well she responded to my letter and i was expecting an arse chewing session but instead was something that blew my mind. She told me that she forgave me the moment i did those things to her and that she has absolutely no grudge towards me. She knew that i was trying to be a good man and she knew that i had good intentions ect.

    She also gave me her phone number. I asked her why she was being so nice to me despite all this and she told me that when Jesus came into her life it changed her heart and it's given her an uncanny ability to forgive and not hold grudges.

    I asked her if it would be ok if i would try to build a friendship with her again and then see what happens and she agreed to let me do that but warned me that her heart is really guarded this time around.

    We've been texting for the last three days, like a lot, getting caught up on each other's lives and getting to know each other again.

    Last night when her and i were texting heach other heavily for a few hours, she agreed to let me call her tomorrow (monday) and talk to her over the phone again.

    I feel like i'm getting a second chance but at the same time my guard is also up because:

    1. I never thought she would ever speak to me again.

    2. I dont understand how she can be so nice to me after all this. I just dont comprehend it.

    3. I feel like this is too good to be true and that at any moment im gonna get a text from her saying that she cant do this and to leave her alone.

    4. That i might be able to build a friendship with her again but because of how i hurt her i will never be able to go beyond that again. And i know that i deserve that.

    Any advice on what i should do here? If there is so much as a slim chance of me being able to be with her again then i want to go for it whenever the time is right.

    But the truth is that i've watched many men do WAY WORSE things than i have done and those jerks always get a second chance. So i'm hoping that this jerk (me) could somehow get a second chance too.
    Are you sure you actually have nothing to do with this gang? Have you moved since then away from that particular locale or chapter? In my experience it's not that easy to get out but this group sounds more like a group of ruffians and loose cannonballs than an organization. What do you do for a living now? How do you support yourself? Is any of your income still dependent on the gang? Make sure that your past is really behind you before you move forward. And then just move forward.

    What kind of advice are you looking for regarding Amanda? She's someone you knew and an old friend. As far as I can see, treat it as an old friendship and don't get too excited over it. She may have changed in ways you find unpalatable in the long run. I think you should think long and hard about whether you have your shit together enough to be in any kind of romantic relationship. Be honest with yourself. I don't think there's any harm in being friends.

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    • #3
      Thanks for your input. Yeah i have been a welder for 11 years. I make 20 bucks an hour working for caterpillar as a robotic welder. Well rooted in my job. Got my stuff together a lot more than most my age. Even recently got accepted in an online school for aerospace engineering. Only got rooted in the welding trade so i can pay my way through school without getting up to my eyeballs in debt in student loans.

      i moved to a town thats an hour drive away from them and honestly i dont even attend local charity rides for the time being so i dont run into them. Not hiding from them i just choose to be focused on my future. Hope that answers your question on that.
      Last edited by Fester316; April 16th, 2018, 11:56 AM.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Fester316 View Post
        Thanks for your input. Yeah i have been a welder for 11 years. I make 20 bucks an hour working for caterpillar as a robotic welder. Well rooted in my job. Got my stuff together a lot more than most my age. Even recently got accepted in an online school for aerospace engineering. Only got rooted in the welding trade so i can pay my way through school without getting up to my eyeballs in debt in student loans.

        i moved to a town thats an hour drive away from them and honestly i dont even attend local charity rides for the time being so i dont run into them. Not hiding from them i just choose to be focused on my future. Hope that answers your question on that.
        Thanks, you did mention it above. Sorry for making you repeat yourself. Why shouldn't you believe in second chances? What else is there to believe in but hope and living a good life? Would you rather be doing anything else? I think you should live fully and stay true to yourself whatever that entails and whomever you include.

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        • #5
          Im asking because i never messed up this bad before relationship wise. As for what kind of advice im looking for, some of what you said helped. I was just trying to figure out where to go from here. Already i am just focused on rebuilding a friendship with her and then go from there...which was my approach last time i pursued her. Only difference this time is that she made it clear that she is more guarded. I just got that obsticle to deal with. I guess the right question is " how do deal with trying to convince her that im worth trusting again?"

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