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What to do after a first date?

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  • #16
    rabbit, I do understand that there may be a generation gap dynamic going on here. But I would like to suggest that the reason so many young people are depressed is that they've been raised with the need for instant gratification. And social media has become an enabling platform for instant validation and approval from peers. I've seen the need that some people have on facebook to be constantly validated by their friends' likes. Not to mention the endless selfies.

    All of this has manifested in 'relationships' of young people as well. We've seen the hookup generation and their neuroses that accompanies it. We've seen countless young people here who create huge problems for themselves by moving in with people they barely know because their hormones and emotions tell them that's 'love' instead of just human attraction.

    I'm sure you can point us to many websites that will tell us that it's great to shower a first date with roses and sappy notes. But the reality is that when people engage in shallow interactions with others, they almost never outlast the rose-colored glasses stage.

    It is unfortunate that you took my comment as a personal attack on you, but it is one of my biggest pet peeves in life, along with people leaving grocery carts in the middle of the parking lot and idiots texting when they should be driving.

    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #17
      Originally posted by rabbithabit View Post

      go to relationship talk forum for answers by younger people
      (relationshiptalkforum)
      What makes you think everyone here is old?

      I'm not sure why you are so triggered by this either. Usually you're pretty rational and sane.
      There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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      • #18
        I have typed about 1000 replies and delete everyone of them so I guess that's the Universe telling me to stay out of this one.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #19
          Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
          I have typed about 1000 replies and delete everyone of them so I guess that's the Universe telling me to stay out of this one.
          Phases, no no no. Please weigh in here.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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          • #20
            Well, first off, I don't think that Rabbit is monogamous nor does she have a history of having been in any long term relationships. She'll correct me if I'm wrong but she's posted before about her "boyfriends and girlfriends enjoying going down on her bits" so I'm not sure why she thinks that sending flowers after a first meet would be a good thing for someone who wants to make a good first impression and that would lead to more then one date???

            Sending flowers when you don't even know the person you're sending them to and you don't know how they feel about you is like rewarding someone when they've done nothing to deserve a reward. It's like someone, who never has to work for a thing... the "thing" is never appreciated.

            Save flowers for when you know the person, you know they are into you and after they've done something nice for you. She cooks you dinner, you bring her flowers as an example. Flowers for no reason are awesome when they are coming from someone you love. I think that most times when you get flowers from someone you don't know, you're creeped out just a tad or you're made to feel pressured into feel something that is too early to be even contemplated.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #21
              Well, it's all academic now anyway, since the OP hasn't responded in three days.

              I agree with your comments about flowers being reserved for someone you know. I would have found the "I miss you" note alone creepy. But combined with flowers it would have been Norman Bates-ish.
              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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              • #22
                Ohhhh, I loved the Bates Motel series. *looks for stabbing psycho emo*
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                • #23
                  Last edited by SarahLancaster; March 12th, 2018, 07:42 PM.
                  "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                    The original dude.
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                    • #25
                      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                      • #26
                        Bates Motel.jpg
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                        • #27
                          I think the OP has sent rabbit roses telling her he misses her.
                          Hence the silence. For now.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                            I would like to suggest that the reason so many young people are depressed is that they've been raised with the need for instant gratification. And social media has become an enabling platform for instant validation and approval from peers.
                            100% agree.



                            Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                            rabbit, I do understand that there may be a generation gap dynamic going on here...
                            What amused me is I feel that the more 'old fashioned' advice was the idea of sending flowers, and that was coming from the younger member!


                            Hopefully we haven't scared off Rabbit as I found her posts on other threads to be quite pragmatic.
                            Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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                            • #29
                              Pragmatic ?
                              Really ?

                              Hmmmm
                              The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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                              • #30
                                Darn I clicked this because there was a jpeg attached and got my hopes up...thought I'd see a fat girlfriend.

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