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  • So confused!!!

    I met this guy on tinder, we have chatted for a month and dated twice. We are very much attracted to each other and he seems to really like me and has told me repeatedly. However, in my opinion if he really likes me he would have made more effort to date me, not just twice over a whole month. On chat he told me that he would like some form of commitment, that he would like to be there for me and my son, and has even mentioned the possibility that some day we would be living with each other, although this is very early thinking. On the other hand, I get these player vibes from him, I have no idea if he's dating other women. I am not the type to be needy, clingy or possessive and I hate people who text each other incessantly. However I cant help wondering why he doesnt let me in a little more in his life, if he really wants a chance with me!

    after our second date he told me that he sensed something was holding me back. How was I supposed to tell him all the above? It was only our second date! Was I supposed to ask for exclusive dating? I just told him that I am still hesitant to proceed into a relationship phase. Somehow, I think he must have misunderstood me, and he just gave me the cold shoulder. When i asked him why he was so distant with me, he snapped at me saying that I told him to keep his distance, and that he never implied that he wanted a relationship, because we met on tinder and tinder is just to get dates. I told him to do whatever makes him feel comfortable and that we have misunderstood each other. We havent chatted since, and the weird part of it is that I cant stop thinking about him, and is driving me insane!

    So my question is, should I or should I not text him again?? I dont want to chase the guy as I have some sense of self-respect. After all, he was the one who took offence, so I think he should be the one to text again.

    Help??

  • #2
    ... oh and by the way? The day after our "fight" he approached my cousin (who happens to be a colleague of his) and sent his regards. Weird??

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    • #3
      I'll tell you exactly what he wants: an ongoing casual relationship. This means sex on tap and out of convenience but not exclusive.

      You have a son and you sound easily taken in by one character. I don't think tinder is a good medium for you as you're not reading people properly and you have far more to lose: your stability and well being as a mother and your home with your son (your privacy).

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      • #4
        Any man who talks about living together after two dates is a player and is not to be taken seriously.

        He sounds like a bit of a flake. You might want to move on here.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          Everything he has said and done it that of a player!
          As sarah said. , mentioning your son, lining together in the future .... that is the words of a player only!
          Reel you in , make you feel secure and see you when he wants to.

          He sensed something was holding you back?? He meant from. having sex!

          You aren't the girl for him because he wants casual sex and you aren't giving him the goods. (I assume)
          So unless you want to be a fuck buddy, forget him.

          He is clearly dating others in the meantime. Hence the lack of contact.

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          • #6
            Thanks guys I appreciate your input and cant help.but agree. He is very flirtatious an knows.how to reel women in. Like speaking in alot of innuendos and givin me these weird intense looks. I havent in fact had sex with him so you re probably right. Pity though because I really strted to like the guy.

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            • #7
              " I just told him that I am still hesitant to proceed into a relationship phase. Somehow, I think he must have misunderstood me, and he just gave me the cold shoulder."

              He understood you loud and clear. It was your exact words that made him realise you weren't up to being a fuck buddy and actually want a relationship, he didn't necessarily give you the cold shoulder , he just gave his time to others that were a potential to what he is looking for.

              His sending his regards via your cousin was merely letting you know that should you change your mind he is still up for some.
              Not sure why you really started to like him. He told you tinder is just to get dates (read sex) and was very upfront about it.

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              • #8
                I guess I started to enjoy our conversations and was looking for a bit of sexual attraction in my next relationship compared to my marriage which has recently ended... there was no spark there! But i guess this guy kind of misled me with all his talk of wabting a good woman in his life suchbas myself blah blah...

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                • #9
                  I think you're better off at a run of the mill dating website. Tinder is for no strings hook ups. You're not really on the same page as the majority of people there and they generally will think you're over the top if you're looking for anything serious.
                  Last edited by Rose Mosse; March 8th, 2018, 11:24 AM.

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                  • #10
                    Join Match.com or EHarmony. Get off of hookup sites and for goodness sakes, don't introduce any man that comes into your life to your kid until you're exclusively dating and it's clear to you that he values you and wants to be with only you.

                    You can safely stop thinking about your Tinder date because he's not the right kind of man for you.

                    FWIW: I suggest you stop telling guys that you're hesitant to advance into the "relationship stage." Those are golden words to men who aren't looking for exclusivity or commitment. This guy hadn't even asked you to be in a relationship with him yet so I'm not sure why you even needed to say that to him.
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                    • #11
                      [QUOTE I suggest you stop telling guys that you're hesitant to advance into the "relationship stage." Those are golden words to men who aren't looking for exclusivity or commitment. This guy hadn't even asked you to be in a relationship with him yet so I'm not sure why you even needed to say that to him.[/QUOTE]

                      The problem is that that is what I understood reading between the lines... when a guy mentions the future, that he wants to "take care of me and my son" and mentions living together,... the general idea you get is that he is aiming for a relationship... or at least that is what I understood. And if a guy is serious about these things (and it was not just talk to reel me in) then he should be ready for exclusive dating... which is what I am looking for. I am not looking for a full blown relationship at the outset, Im not that crazy.. but at least I would have appreciated exclusive dating. Im just not comfortable sleeping with someone who sleeps with a different woman every other week.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Capierce View Post
                        [QUOTE I suggest you stop telling guys that you're hesitant to advance into the "relationship stage." Those are golden words to men who aren't looking for exclusivity or commitment. This guy hadn't even asked you to be in a relationship with him yet so I'm not sure why you even needed to say that to him.
                        The problem is that that is what I understood reading between the lines... when a guy mentions the future, that he wants to "take care of me and my son" and mentions living together,... the general idea you get is that he is aiming for a relationship... or at least that is what I understood. And if a guy is serious about these things (and it was not just talk to reel me in) then he should be ready for exclusive dating... which is what I am looking for. I am not looking for a full blown relationship at the outset, Im not that crazy.. but at least I would have appreciated exclusive dating. Im just not comfortable sleeping with someone who sleeps with a different woman every other week. [/QUOTE]

                        You spent a few hours with this guy in total.
                        Any guy that suggests living together in the future and wanting to take care of your son without FIRST getting to know you is either a weirdo or a player.
                        Any guy genuinely interested in YOU would not ever say those things until they got to know you and truly know they want that. Which will only happen at the very earliest 6 months down the line of dating.


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                        • #13
                          Just take some time, Capierce. This is a learning experience. You were misled or misunderstood reading between the lines in this one dating episode. It doesn't mean either that good men don't exist. Just take the time to recoup after this last "weirdo", as mentioned, and learn to screen your potential dates more carefully. I made a Tinder account to see what it was about and checked out some profiles. It doesn't look like anyone writes much about themselves or their life/background at all. I met my fiance on a dating website and we hit it off based on our similarities but he wouldn't have known anything about me if I didn't take the time to express what I was/am about. Actually he was set on an invisible status and I had never even seen his profile before but he saw mine one day and the rest is history. Like I said, get off Tinder and try an actual dating website, not a hook up website.

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                          • #14
                            ^^^ are you saying you made a Tinder account after reading this thread or was this in the past?
                            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                            • #15
                              Dont text him again. He's seems like an a**hole. Date someone else and get him out of your head. I think that he was so heavy in the beginning to see how easy you would be, and when you weren't falling for it he wanted got frustrated. He saw you as easy prey in the beginning so told you what he thought you wanted to hear. He seems toxic.

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