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What the hell should i think? Going a little crazy

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  • What the hell should i think? Going a little crazy

    Hi everyone. Had to make this account because its driving me crazy.

    So a little over a month ago a new girl started at work after returning from living abroad for around 9 years we are both below 30 yrs old her 4 yrs my junior, we didnt interact too much at first other than normal chit chat etc but i did find her attractive, it got complicated 2 weeks ago when after finishing work and having a few drinks but not really drunk she found out her roommate had locked her out of the house with no where to go for the night.
    She lives near me so i said she can sleep at my house and go home in the morning with the idea of her sleeping on the sofa or spare bed, we got to mine and even though there was a sofa and spare bed she insisted on staying in my bed with me even after i tried to make her take the other bed, she borrowed a shirt of mine had me turn away as she took her bra off and put my shirt on and took her skirt and tights off, so we have me in pj top and bottoms and her in just my top and underwear, i get in bed with her and she instantly puts her leg over mine and now we are laying face to face her head on my arm and we just talk (i find out she has kids, it dosent bother me) then go to sleep my front to her back and she pulls my arm over her.

    So the morning comes shes now 100% sober, if she had made a drunk mistake she would have freaked out but instead we just curled up together and watched tv and talked, later in the day she got very ill and i rushed her to hospital and spent around 8 hours with her holding her as she was passing out and for comfort, her grandfather showed up and when she was being examined we were asked to leave the room but she made me stay instead of her family member. We left arm in arm and i took her home to her grandparents so she wouldnt be alone.

    So heres the problem.... we texted back and forth and meet up a few days later and go out for drinks and her friend comes along, this is where i find out she is married (a year or so ago) with at least one of the kids being his but they still live abroard. Now ive had female friends all my life and when we shared beds we were fully clothed and slept as far apart as possible, all the behaviour she exhibited just on those two days were the way you act with a partner not someone you barely know (not even a longtime friend) especially if you are married...

    What should i think about this? It was all clear that she felt about me more than just a friend but now im confused and starting to go crazy actually hoping that her marriage has broken down and i feel like scum for thinking this. Im seeing her tomorrow but unsure how to handle a sensitive subject like this.

    Sorry for the post length but this is by far the most complex start of a relationship me or any of my friends have experienced

  • #2
    I think that she has shitty people in her life and sees you as a Godsend. She can tell that you're great inside and she's attracted to you like a magnet. Her closeness to you is a reflection of how sh***y her situation is and the people in her life and how much she thinks she can trust you. But keep in mind that she is very unstable, she went close to you so quickly, if she thinks you'll hurt her she was probably want to disappear. Its the nature of feeling extreme emotions. Do you want to be with a woman with a lot of backstory? It seems like you do, so I would suggest to get to know her slowly. She will tell you everything, but just be patient. Marriage sometimes is a mistake people make. She seems like she likes you a lot, which is probably rare for her.
    It's sweet of you to take her to the hospital. I can see why she likes you. You should ask yourself what you're comfortable with, she might be open to a love affair while continuing her marriage.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Pliskin View Post
      Hi everyone. Had to make this account because its driving me crazy.

      So a little over a month ago a new girl started at work after returning from living abroad for around 9 years we are both below 30 yrs old her 4 yrs my junior, we didnt interact too much at first other than normal chit chat etc but i did find her attractive, it got complicated 2 weeks ago when after finishing work and having a few drinks but not really drunk she found out her roommate had locked her out of the house with no where to go for the night.
      She lives near me so i said she can sleep at my house and go home in the morning with the idea of her sleeping on the sofa or spare bed, we got to mine and even though there was a sofa and spare bed she insisted on staying in my bed with me even after i tried to make her take the other bed, she borrowed a shirt of mine had me turn away as she took her bra off and put my shirt on and took her skirt and tights off, so we have me in pj top and bottoms and her in just my top and underwear, i get in bed with her and she instantly puts her leg over mine and now we are laying face to face her head on my arm and we just talk (i find out she has kids, it dosent bother me) then go to sleep my front to her back and she pulls my arm over her.

      So the morning comes shes now 100% sober, if she had made a drunk mistake she would have freaked out but instead we just curled up together and watched tv and talked, later in the day she got very ill and i rushed her to hospital and spent around 8 hours with her holding her as she was passing out and for comfort, her grandfather showed up and when she was being examined we were asked to leave the room but she made me stay instead of her family member. We left arm in arm and i took her home to her grandparents so she wouldnt be alone.

      So heres the problem.... we texted back and forth and meet up a few days later and go out for drinks and her friend comes along, this is where i find out she is married (a year or so ago) with at least one of the kids being his but they still live abroard. Now ive had female friends all my life and when we shared beds we were fully clothed and slept as far apart as possible, all the behaviour she exhibited just on those two days were the way you act with a partner not someone you barely know (not even a longtime friend) especially if you are married...

      What should i think about this? It was all clear that she felt about me more than just a friend but now im confused and starting to go crazy actually hoping that her marriage has broken down and i feel like scum for thinking this. Im seeing her tomorrow but unsure how to handle a sensitive subject like this.

      Sorry for the post length but this is by far the most complex start of a relationship me or any of my friends have experienced
      All this overthinking about someone you barely know?

      Sorry but imo there is something bizarre about a woman's kids not living in the same country.
      If I were you I wouldn't want to know and leave her as a work colleague. Sounds like a lot of drama.

      And if there was a good and reasonable explanation as to why her husband and kids live in another country , then her charachter is poor if she can that easily sleep in a bed in her undies next to a man she doesn't really know especially when there was the option of a spare bed.

      Something fishy about her.

      And to explain why she cuddled you, doesn't necessarily mean an interest in anything romantic , more likely her messed up self seeking comfort. Do you really want to be that guy!?

      Comment


      • #4
        I know its alot of overthinking and im usually a lot more logical and level headed ive never once considered dating someone who has kids and always thought id steer clear of a married woman but for whatever reason there is just something about her thats made me consider ignoring these problems.

        I think that one of the main reasons maybe her personality as ive never got along with someone this effortlessly over such a short period of time, the way we were acting with each other felt like how you do after a few weeks of getting to know a partner.

        Dating someone with this much drama and backstory has always been the type of thing that in theory i thought id run a mile from, she is basically everything i should want to run from but all i want is to spend more time with her....it just makes no sense

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Pliskin View Post
          I know its alot of overthinking and im usually a lot more logical and level headed ive never once considered dating someone who has kids and always thought id steer clear of a married woman but for whatever reason there is just something about her thats made me consider ignoring these problems.

          I think that one of the main reasons maybe her personality as ive never got along with someone this effortlessly over such a short period of time, the way we were acting with each other felt like how you do after a few weeks of getting to know a partner.

          Dating someone with this much drama and backstory has always been the type of thing that in theory i thought id run a mile from, she is basically everything i should want to run from but all i want is to spend more time with her....it just makes no sense
          In theory you would stay away from a married woman with kids.

          In that theory did it include a married woman with kids whose husband and kids live in another country? Obviously not.

          While you know she is married with kids , she lives with a room mate and the single life. So it's hard to imagine her being a wife and mother. That's where your confusion lies.

          But the fact that a mother and wife is living a single life is a huge red flag.
          STOP ignoring it!!!

          She IS married, she DOES have kids.
          So forget about her infectious personality.

          Comment

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