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Unsure of how he feels about me

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  • Unsure of how he feels about me

    So I met this guy over tinder about two months ago. We've been talking and seeing each other consistently. Even when I went off to college he comes visit me at least once a week (it's about an hour train ride). I was rather surprised, as I've never been in an actual relationship, and I'm used to one night stands and very casual flings with guys off of tinder. We get along really well and have practically the same type of humor. He still offers to pay for me, even after about two months of knowing each other. He's very respectable and is always willing to listen and help me work through my problems. He's also never cancelled plans on me, which I also found refreshing/new.

    The problem is I don't know how he feels about me. He could also just be polite/trying to be a good friend in terms of talking to me (he's a very nice person in general). I'm also thinking I could just be "easy"- he told me that I was the only girl that he was able to get, so he might just be using me for companionship. I used to think he did all these things just for sex- but he never pushes sex on me and we've hung out and not had sex before. In fact I think I want to have sex with him more than he does with me and we do and see things with each other outside. I would think that he genuinely liked me, and he has brought up plans for the future (visiting him when he leaves, yesterday he even brought up marriage- saying that after college if we live close to each other we should marry, in a way that didn't suggest a joke, I'm even taking care of his pet while he's abroad), but he's keeping it strictly friends with benefits and never brought up the subject of a serious relationship, as he is also leaving in a few weeks to go to another country for the summer, then going off to college somewhere not close to me. I always get the feeling that he's checking out other girls when we're out and he still talks to a few even after he met me (he's recently re downloaded it) from Tinder. But I know I'm the only girl he's physically seeing right now.

    So I don't know how he feels about me and what I am to him. I'd like to think I'm special but it just could be a mix of him being polite/the only girl that met up with him/him being kind of a romantic. Am I just a placeholder? A means for companionship? Any help in deciphering would be great!

  • #2
    Huh?

    He said you should get married after college but then you say he has never brought up the subject of a serious relationship?

    Don't pay attention to his stupid words. Pay attention to his actions. Try going without sex for a few weeks and see if he's still happy with you.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      He doesn't sound reliable or trustworthy. Trust your gut instincts.

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      • #4
        If he likes you, he's not going to screw someone else. If you make him feel trapped by bringing up nonsense it will ruin the relationship. Seems like he likes his options open, so just give him time. Don't push a commitment talk, its been 2 months. Let him feel out how he feels himself. Making him commit is way worse than waiting for him to feel like he wants to commit. If youre scared then keep your options open.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by smartandsexykitten View Post
          If he likes you, he's not going to screw someone else. If you make him feel trapped by bringing up nonsense it will ruin the relationship. Seems like he likes his options open, so just give him time. Don't push a commitment talk, its been 2 months. Let him feel out how he feels himself. Making him commit is way worse than waiting for him to feel like he wants to commit. If youre scared then keep your options open.
          S&Skitten really???
          This is the second thread I've noticed you mention men feeling trapped???!
          The men that feel trapped are not interested so it's in ones best interest to figure it out early?!

          Op, this guy has shown zero interest in having a relationship with you.

          He said you were the only girl he could "get"

          He recently re downloaded a dating profile.

          You are not officially dating yet he mentions marriage ( player)

          You are minding his pet and think that means something??? All it means is that he has a free pet minder and just because he recognises your empathy for animals you assume it's committment???

          Back to the point where you were the only girl he could "get " , his new found confidence after knock backs has motivated him to try again. He will be eternally grateful to you for opening your legs . Sorry!!!

          Forget him!

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

            S&Skitten really???
            This is the second thread I've noticed you mention men feeling trapped???!
            The men that feel trapped are not interested so it's in ones best interest to figure it out early?!

            Op, this guy has shown zero interest in having a relationship with you.

            He said you were the only girl he could "get"

            He recently re downloaded a dating profile.

            You are not officially dating yet he mentions marriage ( player)

            You are minding his pet and think that means something??? All it means is that he has a free pet minder and just because he recognises your empathy for animals you assume it's committment???

            Back to the point where you were the only girl he could "get " , his new found confidence after knock backs has motivated him to try again. He will be eternally grateful to you for opening your legs . Sorry!!!

            Forget him!

            Regarding "... the only girl he was able to get", it's taken out of context, so its impossible to determine if his intent was to offend. If he was saying it because its true, then that would be pretty dumb. I doubt he was sincere. His actions makes it seem like really likes her and that's what's important. Sometimes guys say dumb things.
            It takes a long time to know someone and he's going away so waiting to see what happens makes sense. I don't think talking to girls on Tinder a crime, especially if she knows he's not physical with anyone else and he's not trying to hide it from her. There's not much of control she can have in the situation since he's leaving, so why not be optimistic?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by smartandsexykitten View Post


              Regarding "... the only girl he was able to get", it's taken out of context, so its impossible to determine if his intent was to offend. If he was saying it because its true, then that would be pretty dumb. I doubt he was sincere. His actions makes it seem like really likes her and that's what's important. Sometimes guys say dumb things.
              It takes a long time to know someone and he's going away so waiting to see what happens makes sense. I don't think talking to girls on Tinder a crime, especially if she knows he's not physical with anyone else and he's not trying to hide it from her. There's not much of control she can have in the situation since he's leaving, so why not be optimistic?
              SMH

              OP, try to live in the real world and not the imaginary one S&S lives in.
              I don't think this guy is good news. I agree fully with Sarah, Maggie and Rose.
              You boosted his self esteem and now he's set out to discover who else he can 'get'.
              Don't waste any more time on him.

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              • #8
                Red flags:

                He told you that you were the only girl he was able to get. A lot could change while he's away at college so it's premature for him to discuss marriage right now. You are his free pet sitter while he's abroad. How convenient and the price is right! He is keeping you strictly as friends with benefits. He enjoys his freedom. He never brought up the subject of a serious relationship? He's not serious with you. Then he'll be globe trotting within a few weeks and going to another country for the summer and after that, he's going off to college faraway from you. All negatives and you can read the writing on the wall. This relationship is a thumbs down. It's not going to work out. You are only temporary and he should be, too in your life.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                • #9
                  Hey guys!

                  Thanks for all the responses! I can see the general consensus is that he's sort of using me. I thought he might be different because of how he treated me compared to most other guys I've been with. I'm also sort of the type to fall for guys easily, so I can see how I've blinded myself. He could genuinely like me, but in the end, I know it's not going to work out regardless of how much we like each other. Probably going to break things off with him anyway.

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                  • #10
                    I don't see a long term relationship with him. He's on-the-go and you're just a temporary stage for him. I'd break things off with him anyway as you've said.
                    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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