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Is it too soon to determine the relationship?

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  • Is it too soon to determine the relationship?

    I have been hanging out with this guy for a month now. At the beginning, things started very casual. We would meet up at clubs or bars, and we would leave together and I would spend the night. We got into one fight that was because he was being very stupid and annoying one night when he was drunk. I told him that I didn't want to keep hanging out. He apologized over and over, told me that he really likes me, and begged me to forgive him saying that he did not want to stop hanging out with me or talking to me. I forgave him and ever since we have been getting a lot closer. Whenever we go out anywhere he pays. For example, last night I went to his apartment and hangout with all of his friends. It was just me and all of the guys. They all know me and are used to him bringing me around. He introduces me to all new people that come around. We watched movies and he ordered us food. I spent the night and we slept in the next morning and once we woke up we just laid in bed and cuddling, holding hands, kissing, and laughing for hours because neither of us wanted to get out of bed. Once we got up all of his friends were making comments like "wow you guys finally decided to get out of bed." When I finally left to go home he kissed me goodbye. I can't get enough of him. I'm falling so hard for him and don't want to see anyone else. I really want to be his girlfriend and I want to ask him how he feels about us and if he sees a future. I'm afraid it may be too early though and I don't want to ruin anything. I also don't 100% know what he is feeling or thinking. Any thoughts??

  • #2
    Why were all of his friends spending the night at his place? That's very weird.

    You're sounding a little needy. It's been only one month. Give it some time. Eventually you need to have the 'exclusive' talk and find out where he stands on the issue.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      you are laying in bed all night with a guy in a house full of men and don't consider him your boyfriend?

      i thought i was easy to hook up with but you have me beat hands down. i am sure you will be persued by all his household friends soon.

      he is getting everything he wants from you there is no reason for him to commit to just being your boyfriend.

      you need to be a little more hard to get in future if you want a mono relationship with someone.

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      • #4
        Have you ever gone on a date with him?
        Sounds like you are more friends with benefits than anything else.
        Why don't you suggest dinner next time instead of just turning up at a club and going home for sex?

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        • #5
          I want to ask him how he feels about us and if he sees a future. I'm afraid it may be too early though
          Once you start having sex with someone, IMO its time to have an exclusive talk and if you think its too early, then you stave off sex until you think it's long enough.

          Have a talk about exclusivity and if he doesn't agree then you have a decision to make... either you stay and get your heart crushed when he finds your replacement or you end the bull shit then and there.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            It seems like he's into you but it's hard to tell unless you spend more time together. I'd stay aloof regarding the relationship "talk" and don't spring it on him randomly. If he wants to sleep with you again or invites you for another round of nightly fun, I think that's when you might bring up any issue of exclusivity. Imho, you made a mistake 1) opening up your privacy to the peanut gallery with his friends in close proximity and 2) you aren't sure of intentions in the first place/don't really know him. Slow down.

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            • #7
              It's too late to slow down once you've had sex. Suggesting that, IMO, is like telling her to try and put toothpaste back into the tube.
              OP: If you're not the only one he's having sex with then don't you think you should know that?
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                I think she's appearing desperate and needy/clingy if she were to cloy at him for an answer regarding whether they're relationship material or not. It's unnecessary. A man who feels strongly about you and interested in you shouldn't leave you questioning or needing an explanation. See where it goes and don't open your legs so fast if you need more commitment!

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                • #9
                  ... and I think that once you have sex then asking for exclusivity isn't too soon. If its to early to ask where his head/heart is at in their dating then it's certainly too soon to be having sex if your end dating goal is a committed relationship.

                  ... and I don't think it's clingy to ask for, at the very least exclusive dating if they are fucking. Not sure about anyone else here but I don't like sharing my sex partner with a harem.
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                    ... and I think that once you have sex then asking for exclusivity isn't too soon. If its to early to ask where his head/heart is at in their dating then it's certainly too soon to be having sex if your end dating goal is a committed relationship.

                    ... and I don't think it's clingy to ask for, at the very least exclusive dating if they are fucking. Not sure about anyone else here but I don't like sharing my sex partner with a harem.
                    I think you're absolutely right about that. But it seems that most of the people who write for advice here don't have the self control to wait for sex. To them, exercising great restraint is waiting for the third date. In an ideal world, couples would actually get to know each other before they hit the sack. So I wonder what the reaction would be in this hookup culture if woman started asking to be exclusive after one month?
                    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post

                      I think you're absolutely right about that. But it seems that most of the people who write for advice here don't have the self control to wait for sex. To them, exercising great restraint is waiting for the third date. In an ideal world, couples would actually get to know each other before they hit the sack. So I wonder what the reaction would be in this hookup culture if woman started asking to be exclusive after one month?
                      He'll likely tell her "No" but at least then she'll know where she stands and if she's smart she'll dial back her involvement with him, start seeing others and learn a lesson about not having sex so early.

                      If he's as into her as much as she's into him, he'll gladly agree to exclusivity. He'll not want her to replace him.
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                      • #12
                        Ugh.. dont ask anything like that. That kills the whole happiness for men. It will kill the magic. Youre pretty much his gf if he's into you, which he is, dont ruin it by making him promise. It shows that you dont trust the experience. If he likes you, he's not going to screw someone else, if you make him commit then he will probably feel trapped and it will ruin everything. Just go with it or dont, but saying something like that is usually quite bad. It also shows that youre insecure. Do you trust him? Then just trust him.

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                        • #13
                          He thinks you're too easy and he is very non-committal. Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?
                          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by smartandsexykitten View Post
                            Ugh.. dont ask anything like that. That kills the whole happiness for men. It will kill the magic. Youre pretty much his gf if he's into you, which he is, dont ruin it by making him promise. It shows that you dont trust the experience. If he likes you, he's not going to screw someone else, if you make him commit then he will probably feel trapped and it will ruin everything. Just go with it or dont, but saying something like that is usually quite bad. It also shows that youre insecure. Do you trust him? Then just trust him.
                            "You're pretty much his gf if he's into you"
                            The point is that the op has no clue if he is into her. And for what reason.

                            Asking for exclusivity is not the same as asking for a committment.
                            And shows self respect.

                            A guy that is into her will admire that. A guy that isn't will "feel trapped".

                            It does not show insecurity, it shows confidence, an interest to get to know the other without distraction and maturity re sexual health.

                            You ask does she trust him???
                            She only knows him 4 weeks!!!

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                              "You're pretty much his gf if he's into you"
                              The point is that the op has no clue if he is into her. And for what reason.

                              Asking for exclusivity is not the same as asking for a committment.
                              And shows self respect.

                              A guy that is into her will admire that. A guy that isn't will "feel trapped".

                              It does not show insecurity, it shows confidence, an interest to get to know the other without distraction and maturity re sexual health.

                              You ask does she trust him???
                              She only knows him 4 weeks!!!
                              I completely agree with you Maggie.
                              smartandsexy kitten, I don't know what dating world you came from, but I'm sure glad I'm not part of it. It's as if all the power and control need to be put with the man, so he doesn't feel pressured or trapped or have his ego bruised. I'm sorry, but if a man I'm dating can't handle a simple question like that, it tells me exactly what I want to know. Which is: I'm being used for sex. He doesn't like me at all.

                              Go ahead and determine the relationship. Obviously use common sense and don't ask for an engagement ring just yet
                              Just clarify that you're on the same page about where you are right now and that you're exclusive. If it's a no from him, stop wasting your time and move on from him.

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