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Confused on what to do.... Some advice needed

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  • Confused on what to do.... Some advice needed

    Hi all,

    I was wondering if anyone could give some advice on something. I think deep down I know the answer but hearing it come from other people will help.

    I'm originally from the UK but moved to Thailand as I didn't have the best childhood and wanted to get away. Recently, whilst visiting the UK, I met a bloke, such a nice man and we got on really well. For the remainder of the time I was there, it was really nice and once I got back to the Thailand we organised for me to come back to the UK and meet up again. He has since been very hot or very cold over text. Hot = got a wedding this year, be nice if your my plus 1. Cold = I call him, he doesn't call back or even acknowledge the call, I'll message him asking things but he will text back but not even acknowledge any other the questions I asked.

    The dilemma is do I pursue this? I could move back to the UK but he is a very "simple man" as he calls himself, wants to stay in the place he grew up in forever and have the occasional holiday. I like travelling, seeing new things and struggle staying in one spot. I had such a bad time in the UK, I don't know if I could actually go back?

    What shall I do?

    Thanks in advance

  • #2
    Sounds hairbrained. Age please? What was the terrible time in the UK about? Why Thailand of all places? And lastly, please fill in the holes in your story. What is it about this man that has made you so emotionally attached in the beginning or what made you trust him at all?


    • #3
      I'm 30 now.

      I got abused when I was a child, my parents didn't help me until it went to court many many years later (along with other victims). I've always struggled being there.

      Thailand - A job came up, I applied, I got it. No other real reason!

      I don't know, he just seems so genuine. Wants all the things I want in life, is very positive and a nice bloke! I'm usually surrounded by Asian Men who tend to be promiscuous and not on my wavelength really.


      • #4
        I see. There's no real interest in you at all so none of this should matter. What matters is why you were so duped. I think it might benefit you to try and look back at why you're seeking validation from a friendship that is so superficial. You've said he's nice three times without any details. He is also not into you because he's not showing you consistent positive signs. I know what it's like to travel somewhere and be different. Ironically we gravitate towards what we know in an unfamiliar place and that's human nature. You may be feeling vulnerable and lonely but you need to do some soul searching on why you're in Thailand in the first place. You accepted a position in a different country to escape your past. Is your past still haunting you? Why? Stop taking the same reason as fact. Decode it and unravel it and move past it. You should use your travels to heal and grow stronger. Don't become weaker and watch the company you keep at home or abroad. Every decision you make in your life will influence you and affect you.


        • #5
          Just don't "settle" only because you find someone who makes you feel good. Sounds like he might be a bit unreliable? You mentioned you love travelling - could you imagine staying in his hometown for the rest of your life? I'd say keep visiting each other, talk on the phone, skype, text and whatnot. But don't make any plans on moving back to the UK just yet. I live in the UK and let me tell you, it's still as grey and cloudy as you might remember it haha.


          • #6
            I wouldnt do it if I was you. Too many important differences.

            Also I have been where you are. Im pretty much the same like you. I love travelling, cant imagine staying on one spot, etc. That sounds very familiar to me. I moved to my boyfriends town (very small, didnt have any friends but my boyfriend, for him even changed my job and i hated it, my boyfriend was not too much into travelling...). And no matter how much I loved him and how hard i tried but I was so unhappy in my situation. I thought love was enough, but it was not! Travelling, trying new stuff etc is a part of me and always will be. So i came to the conclusion that I want these things in my life and that I cant make compromises this big.

            Also, the thing is you dont even have a real basis to rely on. You dont know how living together with him would be like. If it will work out or not... Do you think he will make you so happy that you dont mind to stop travelling or trying new things?
            Usually I always encourage people to try because this 'what if...' can cause so much drama in your head. But I think in your case Id first try to look for other posibilties even if that meant to look for another person. I dont know if thats the right advice though . Thats only what Id probably do. Maybe also time will automatically find an answer for you two. If this problem is still there in a year you can still change plans.

            The only thing I dont agree to is to let fear decide what you do. Even though you had a bad time in the Uk you should not let it stop you from coming to the UK. You dont have to live there but try to get over this negative feeling. Be fearless no matter what you do!

            Good luck!


            • #7
              Hot = got a wedding this year, be nice if your my plus 1
              That is NOT being on "hot" with you... that is luke warm at best and it's what people say who are not very interested in advancing a relationship will say to keep you as an option.

              If you want a relationship then do what you can to find another ex-pat where you are now (if the locals aren't your cup of tea). I'd not be even contemplating moving back to be with Mr. Luke Warm.
              Don't waste anymore time or expectations on him. The most you should be doing with him is matching his non-interest.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


              • #8
                No dont pursue it. Its not fulfilling for you already. Why would you change your whole life for a guy that ignores you? He doesnt seem into you, so I think you should let it go.