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Breakup confusion...What is going on is this normal?

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  • Breakup confusion...What is going on is this normal?

    So me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 3 months ago, it was her decision. We agreed to be friends but she became cold to me in many ways. So I, being curtious to her feelings slowly disappeared from her life. She said she was done and that she no longer felt anything for me which I can respect. It's been tough without her, but I managed to get along without her. Funny enough the story intensifies as her friend was originally interested in me before we dated. Obviously I was not attracted to her friend at all. Now, this is my question... My girlfriend had a small friendgroup including that girl before we ever started dating. Interestingly enough, after I left the scene from my ex, roughly a month after she started posting pictures on instagram of herself and her friends at her and my favorite and special places. But in the last two weeks, it seems as though shes stopped meeting with her friends or even associating with them at all. It's like she totally dropped them all and became a loner. Is this because of our breakup? Or is this because of the friend of hers that liked me?, did that cause turmoil? Does she really actually miss me and regret the things she said? Or am I really just over analyzing things now?... I need some help here, we had a fairytale relationship, the kind you'd only see in the movies... I just need some solid answers or something to help me keep going forward. Any help is appreciated! Thankyou in advance!!

  • #2
    She broke up with you and she made it clear that she no longer felt anything for you which you respect as you've stated. Disregard the ex-girlfriend's girlfriend for your own sanity's sake. Who cares if your ex actually misses you or regrets what she said? It was HER decision to break up with you in the first place and you should be moving forward with your life instead of looking backwards to what wasn't meant to be. Fairy tales are meant for the movies. Yes, you're over analyzing things. Carry on with your new life. She already showed her true colors to you with agreeing to remain friends yet she was cold as you've said. It's time to move on.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      Originally posted by chanelle View Post
      She broke up with you and she made it clear that she no longer felt anything for you which you respect as you've stated. Disregard the ex-girlfriend's girlfriend for your own sanity's sake. Who cares if your ex actually misses you or regrets what she said? It was HER decision to break up with you in the first place and you should be moving forward with your life instead of looking backwards to what wasn't meant to be. Fairy tales are meant for the movies. Yes, you're over analyzing things. Carry on with your new life. She already showed her true colors to you with agreeing to remain friends yet she was cold as you've said. It's time to move on.
      I understand this and I really am not interested in getting back into that situation. But I also believe in unconditional love. I've had many girlfriends before her but the ones before and after her don't even match up close to the way she was. I would rather just let her know that everything's going to be ok and that I forgive her. You can't ever "un-love" someone, you can distract yourself or try to do better but so far I can't do either. I'm more of an emotional guy than most. I feel more pain for her than I do for myself because deep down inside i know that she lost out and there's no way she can undo that. I just want to understand what she's going through. The last thing I want is to find out that she got depressed, secluded herself from everyone and suffered in silence. No matter what she does to me I still love her. I keep my distance but I can appreciate and respect her for exactly who she is even if she doest want to be with me.

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      • #4
        You know her better than any of us. If you ask me, that's what a smart girl would do. Ditch the peanut gallery and old entourage and move on, possibly meet a new man. She's not interested in the lot of you anymore and she's got other things going on. If she went cold on you towards the end of your relationship she may have already been chatting up another person and making new friends.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
          You know her better than any of us. If you ask me, that's what a smart girl would do. Ditch the peanut gallery and old entourage and move on, possibly meet a new man. She's not interested in the lot of you anymore and she's got other things going on. If she went cold on you towards the end of your relationship she may have already been chatting up another person and making new friends.
          What doesn't make sense was that those weren't my friends, actually I barely met any of them twice, they were her friends... I met them through her, and they got cold on me too after she walked away. But afterwards she got cold on them, now none of us are friends.... I can understand that she's probably moved on but why ditch your own friends?? Why ditch the team that's routing you on and supporing you through hard times? I'm still friends with my own buddies but she ditched her own friends that I'm not even associated with.. I've watched all this through a telescope but it's clear somethings not right, seems sad all the time where she used to be so happy and smiling always... sorry if my story is a little but jumbled I tried my best

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          • #6
            Friends are not always helpful and the road to hell is often paved with good intentions. I see nothing good from continuing to chat up with any of you, most of all you. She's not interested being with you. What will it take for you to make peace with this being the end? What do you need?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
              Friends are not always helpful and the road to hell is often paved with good intentions. I see nothing good from continuing to chat up with any of you, most of all you. She's not interested being with you. What will it take for you to make peace with this being the end? What do you need?
              I think what I really need is to just understand her. Understand why she gave this up. And the thing is I know everyone's gonna tell me that "it isn't possible and everyone is different, move on"... but I believe in her to eventually tell me what's wrong. We could talk about anything with each other and it was never a problem. I also believe that if anything is to be done, the ball is in her court so I'm not planning on starting any convos with her anytime soon. If she really doesn't want me in her life that much, then why make quotes of thing that only I used to say on instagram? In places that only we used to go? Why dig that up out of the grave? But throw everything else away?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by LighthouseBoy View Post

                I understand this and I really am not interested in getting back into that situation. But I also believe in unconditional love. I've had many girlfriends before her but the ones before and after her don't even match up close to the way she was. I would rather just let her know that everything's going to be ok and that I forgive her. You can't ever "un-love" someone, you can distract yourself or try to do better but so far I can't do either. I'm more of an emotional guy than most. I feel more pain for her than I do for myself because deep down inside i know that she lost out and there's no way she can undo that. I just want to understand what she's going through. The last thing I want is to find out that she got depressed, secluded herself from everyone and suffered in silence. No matter what she does to me I still love her. I keep my distance but I can appreciate and respect her for exactly who she is even if she doest want to be with me.
                You can always contact her via text, email or IM and let her know how you feel as long as there is a mutual understanding that your previous relationship with her is over. Try not to feel too connected to her even with "love" otherwise you're going to cause unnecessary pain for yourself. Expecting too much out of this new "friendship" will only lead to your disappointment. I've traveled down this road before and it was best that I ceased all contact otherwise the compassion side of me would always set myself up for expectations and disaster. In fact, when I tried to "just be friends," there was too much bad blood and for both sides, it was best to part ways and start anew with normal people in my life.
                Last edited by chanelle; February 28th, 2018, 01:49 AM.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                • #9
                  I suggest you do not contact her at all and continue doing as you are. Mind your own business. She's dealing with the loss of a friendship and you're overthinking it. Some people are private with their intimate emotions and others work like a broken fire hydrant......or overflowing sewer. Either way it's either TMI or full of shit. Stop looking for signs that she wants to be with you.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                    I suggest you do not contact her at all and continue doing as you are. Mind your own business. She's dealing with the loss of a friendship and you're overthinking it. Some people are private with their intimate emotions and others work like a broken fire hydrant......or overflowing sewer. Either way it's either TMI or full of shit. Stop looking for signs that she wants to be with you.
                    I agree with you completely. I'm not looking for signs she wants to be with me it's not about that. I'm here to recover that's all. I was planning just what you were saying. I don't want to contact her at all, that would take all what's left of my pride, and I need my pride the most right now to get me through this. Silence says alot of things and most importantly, it clears the air for your brain to think clearly, for your true feelings to come through. This is what I need the most right now, to breath and keep myself at peace. But being a shadow in her life doesn't mean that I cant look out for her, does it? I'm not trying to show her I care but the truth is that I do, and I want her to get through this too. This isn't a cry for help, it's just the opposite, I'm trying to work my way back up to equilibrium. But I do want her to also get there too. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want her to walk down the right path... I hope you know what I mean? Like, I want the best for her too

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by LighthouseBoy View Post

                      I agree with you completely. I'm not looking for signs she wants to be with me it's not about that. I'm here to recover that's all. I was planning just what you were saying. I don't want to contact her at all, that would take all what's left of my pride, and I need my pride the most right now to get me through this. Silence says alot of things and most importantly, it clears the air for your brain to think clearly, for your true feelings to come through. This is what I need the most right now, to breath and keep myself at peace. But being a shadow in her life doesn't mean that I cant look out for her, does it? I'm not trying to show her I care but the truth is that I do, and I want her to get through this too. This isn't a cry for help, it's just the opposite, I'm trying to work my way back up to equilibrium. But I do want her to also get there too. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want her to walk down the right path... I hope you know what I mean? Like, I want the best for her too
                      Make a clean break. I made the mistake of giving someone my last word and I ended up receiving severe backlash even though the perpetrator's problems were personally miserable and insurmountable. Silence gives both of you a break and even though the relationship is no longer ideal, silence gives both sides PEACE. You can care from afar but exercise caution because the more you care, the more you'll get hurt because you are sensitive. There are times when the person you care about, couldn't care less about you 24/7. She's a big girl. Let her live her life the way she sees fit and you stay out of it. Once you parted ways, there should be finality to it with your going your own way. It will take time not to care but you'll get there just like I did. My advice is to become indifferent. The more you wish the best for her, the more you'll set yourself up for disappointment down the line. Focus on your own life.
                      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by LighthouseBoy View Post
                        ......So me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 3 months ago, it was her decision. .........

                        we had a fairytale relationship, the kind you'd only see in the movies... ...
                        Do you really have no clue why she dumped you?

                        You must have some idea why.... Take a shot for us...

                        How old are you two and how long did you date?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by LighthouseBoy View Post
                          So me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 3 months ago, it was her decision. We agreed to be friends but she became cold to me in many ways. So I, being curtious to her feelings slowly disappeared from her life. She said she was done and that she no longer felt anything for me which I can respect. It's been tough without her, but I managed to get along without her. Funny enough the story intensifies as her friend was originally interested in me before we dated. Obviously I was not attracted to her friend at all. Now, this is my question... My girlfriend had a small friendgroup including that girl before we ever started dating. Interestingly enough, after I left the scene from my ex, roughly a month after she started posting pictures on instagram of herself and her friends at her and my favorite and special places. But in the last two weeks, it seems as though shes stopped meeting with her friends or even associating with them at all. It's like she totally dropped them all and became a loner. Is this because of our breakup? Or is this because of the friend of hers that liked me?, did that cause turmoil? Does she really actually miss me and regret the things she said? Or am I really just over analyzing things now?... I need some help here, we had a fairytale relationship, the kind you'd only see in the movies... I just need some solid answers or something to help me keep going forward. Any help is appreciated! Thankyou in advance!!
                          Ive never read anything so ridiculous!
                          She ended the relationship.
                          You are pretending to be courteous by not messaging her , yet here you are 3 months later stalking her social media. Why?

                          She hasn't posted a pic for 14 days and you jump to the conclusion that she no longer hangs out with her friends and is depressed????? Wtf?

                          My best guess is that she met another guy. Is busy with him but of course not posting anything online because that would be premature.

                          She didn't post pics at your favourite place for that reason, she just simply met her friends there because she too likes the place.

                          You claim to be more concerned about her wellbeing than yours. Again why??
                          She is doing better than you by the sounds of it.

                          Time to delete her from your social media. It's hindering your progress only.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Pollon View Post

                            Do you really have no clue why she dumped you?

                            You must have some idea why.... Take a shot for us...

                            How old are you two and how long did you date?
                            I have a feeling she got scared of being attached to me. This all really went downhill when I told her that I really loved her and she started saying how what I was saying wasn't true.... It's still very confusing to me because I was telling her the truth and she knew it. We know each other better than ourselves. We both go to university and I met her in economics, we happen to be going down the same career path as well. I'm 19 I'm in second year and she's 18 in first year. We met in september and dated until the middle of December. I don't regret being open with my feelings and saying it straight out that I love her because that's who I am, if I can't be myself then there's no point. But again it could be something else like she does have some moody days and it might have lined up just wrong that day. Maybe she's going through something that she hasn't told me about. I mean like at one point in the relationship she even hinted at having kids with me. I don't think someone would just say that for no reason if they didn't mean it... what do you think?

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by LighthouseBoy View Post

                              I don't think someone would just say that for no reason if they didn't mean it... what do you think?
                              Listen carefully.
                              It doesn't matter what she said or why she said it!
                              She broke up with you. You should not waste another breath wondering about these things.
                              You have to let her go. You have to put her out of your thoughts and out of your life. You stop caring, you stop thinking about her.
                              The way you're still clinging on to these thoughts about her is incredibly unhealthy.

                              You will probably never have an answer to the millions of questions you have. You won't know why she broke up with you exactly. You won't know how she's doing and if she's happy or lonely. You won't know if she meant the things she said while you were together. SO LET IT GO! Move on.
                              You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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