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I [18F] am interested in my friend [19M].

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  • I [18F] am interested in my friend [19M].

    I apologize in advance, this is going to be long, but Iíll try and make it short.

    Basically I just started college and I made this friend there (for the purpose of this, letís call him Connor). We were friends for about a week with lots of flirting I thought. After knowing him for just a week, we get into this sort of FWB relationship. It was a little awkward at first and he never exactly specified what type of relationship it was. I mean, sometimes heíd mention that we were friends with benefits, and then other times it would seem more like we were actually dating, just not letting anyone else in our friend group know.

    Everyone in our friend group already thinks weíre are dating, but we keep denying it. And I guess technically we arenít. We are just friends (with benefits). But I sort of want something more. We both have a lot in common. We both have the same kinks and we both have the same major in college. We both also arenít ready for the commitment of a relationship. I always assumed that was why we were friends with benefits. That we just both wanted to date each other but didnít want to be in an actual relationship.

    I guess all the craziness happened when he actually mentioned wanting to date this girl back home when she finally turned 16 (itís legal in the state he is from, I checked). I knew that he really liked her, but I didnít know he was this serious about her. And she is still in high school so he wouldnít be able to see her except during breaks from school. The girlís mom wonít even let her talk or see any boys, let alone one that is 4 years older than her.

    I guess Iím just feeling a little stuck, because I really thought he liked me. We havenít done our FWB stuff in a while, though we are still as close as usual. He still seems to be flirting all the time and I did mention to him briefly that I have a crush on him (not important but there is a lot of drama between me and this other person and I had to tell them about my crush and the let Connor read the texts because he helps me deal with that other person, but itís not important to this story so thatís all Iím saying) and he didnít even respond to that fact.

    He doesnít treat me any differently, and he still flirts with me. But he is really set on that girl back home. I want to ask him out, but I just donít know how, nor do I know if Iím ready for the commitment. He isnít either, I know, but he said he was going to try that relationship with that girl back home because he really likes her and needs to get over his commitment issues some day.

    I guess my question is, any advice for telling him how I feel? I really want to be in a relationship with him, but not necessarily a public one. Just something a little more serious then FWB, but not serious enough that it freaks us both out. I just donít know how to bring that up or ask him. Any advice?

    Sorry if this isnít clear.

  • #2
    Honestly, if he is telling you thr truth about this girl back home, why would you even want a relationship with him?
    You can do better than being with a guy who has feelings for another girl.

    Don't even go there. Don't ask him out. If he really likes this other girl, the maximum you will achieve is him dating both of you and stringing you both along.
    Put him out of your head and find someone who likes you so much he can't even think of dating other girls.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      He doesn't have a committment issue, he has an issue with committing to you.
      Does the 16 yr old know that he is going to have a relationship with her? Lol Has he discussed it with her at all?

      You have a lot in common with him??? Really? Just kink and a major?

      You don't want a relationship with him at the beginning of your post but at the end you do? Which is it?

      He tells you about a girl he is interested in , therefore he is not interested in you.
      Of course he's happy to have sex when it's offered on a plate.

      If you want , tell him you are not interested in a fuck buddy / fwb relationship.
      And watch him walk away.

      Sorry, but clearly he is using you and you are lieing to yourself about what you want out of fear of rejection.
      Be honest with yourself and him.


      • #4
        Get rid of him. You probably like him so much because he's disrespecting you and getting away with it. Plus its creepy that he wants to be wth a 15 year old. You should date someone better than this guy. FWB is hard because women release a bonding hormone that men dont release. SO if you have a really good time with him sexually you will like him a whole lot more than he likes you just from your hormones. I think that you should get rid of this guy and date other people that appreciate you as soon as possible. I would strongly suggest to get rid of him even if you dont want to because a guy like this will annoy you for years. He doesn't appreciate you, and the only way he will is by breaking it off and moving on.

        If you accept a guy disrespecting you, you bond with him and feel closer to him. Thats how people get into abusive relationships. If you let him try you this way in the beginning, it wont get better. It will get worse. He sounds like an idiot. Have sex with someone else asap (safely) so you can let go of the hormone connection with him asap.
        Last edited by smartandsexykitten; March 2nd, 2018, 07:45 AM.