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This guy is confusing me

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  • This guy is confusing me


    I need some help in understanding how my friend feels about me.. I've had an on and off sexual fling with one of my best guy friends and I've been falling for him for a long time. I know it's most likely as this is a sexual thing that he doesn't feel the same way but I just am so confused...

    We've been best friends for 3 years and he's one of my favourite people in the world. We've always just been silly and goofy together as he's a really silly and goofy guy. I never used to see him as more than a friend, but at some point last year I started to really feel something more and hope he felt the same way. Unfortunately, it was around the time that I felt this that he started to act distant.. it didn't even seem like it was intentional it seemed almost like he had barely any interest in seeing or talking to me. I got upset with him a few times and told him i wanted a break from being his friend, but he said he would never want to lose me as a friend and he's just barely talking to anyone. I kind of let it go and we kept distancing and I kind of just gave up and decided to focus on my own life.

    There were a few times i met with him after we kind of became distant, and each time he became kind of sexually forward with me. For example, we went to a friends house to have some drinks, at one point where most of us were pretty hammered and I was feeling really sick and went to the bathroom, he followed me to the bathroom and started rubbing my ass and kissing my neck. We then went to our friends bedroom and started making out and etc. We would've probably had sex but he didn't want to do this on our friends bed and I was also on the verge of passing out.

    He ended up leaving and texting me how badly he wants me and we kind of started this sexting relationship that was pretty dirty, but I never saw him much after this. There was one more time that we almost hooked up at another party but that again didnt go anywhere as he ran off and i still have no idea why he did that. I've since moved away to a different state, the sexting stopped for the most part. I still see him occasionally, but we never spend time alone anymore.

    Very recently, we started talking so much more through sexting. Almost to the point where he didn't want to go an hour without speaking to me. We were both having fun talking to each other and teasing each other and every day i would just receive texts every morning and night asking how i am and how was work and saying he never wanted to stop talking to me. I started to feel really happy that he was talking to me again because i still really like this guy, I even think I'm falling for him, but again at some point he started growing distant. I texted him last week to ask if something was wrong and he said he's fine and if he doesn't respond to me it's because he's busy doing other things. I tried to talk to him again a bit later in the week, I asked him if he needed space from me but he decided to hold up a conversation with me saying if it makes me happy we should keep sexting and talking and he enjoys doing it too. He then seemed at one point that he wanted to talk to me but when I told him I needed to go to sleep he seemed annoyed and said "hmmm I thought you wanted to talk but I get it you have work tomorrow"

    Since then he's messaged me a few times and I haven't always responded and he hasn't always responded to my messages. I feel so confused and hurt.. I just want to get over this guy but my feelings wont go away.. even if i dont talk to him for long long periods of time :/ I can tell he really cares about me a lot and I feel like there is something more there than just the sexual, but he keeps backing off and it becomes so awkward between us. I haven't talked to him ffor a few days nnow because I have no idea what to say and I feel like he doesn't even want to see or talk to me anyway.. ugh if somebody can please help me understand what he is probably thinking or feeling or what I should do.. I know the answer is probably that he's not interested and I should move on and I guess that's just something I'll have to accept soon or I'll keep going around in circles :/

    anyway any advice is welcome and thank you in advance!

  • #2
    I think you're overestimating how much he 'cares' for you. What he cares about is sex and the thrills he gets from sexting. There is nothing more than that. You are there ONLY for his enjoyment when he has time and the inclination. You need to stop deluding yourself into thinking it's anything more than that.

    If you want to have a meaningful and romantic relationship, stop settling for just sex. Get to know someone before you sleep with him.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      He's not interested in you wholly as a person because you're too easy! All he has to do is look in your direction and he's got a fish in his hand. He doesn't even have to hook any bait. You're way too easy, girl. It might really benefit you to take a good look at yourself, your previous actions and put this person out of your mind for a few minutes and seriously think about how you see a good man treating you and how you want to be loved. When you can visualize that and feel comfortable with an ideal, you will have a fair idea of what you're looking for in a partner. This guy is using you for sexting and jerking off in his bedroom. It's no strings attached and when he's done, he buttons up. When he wants another hit, he just sees if you're free.


      • #4
        Hi thanks for the responses guys but I don't completely agree. I've been best friends with this guy for 3 years!! I don't think I'm too easy and I don't think he doesn't care about me at all. Rose I do agree with you though that maybe I let it go overboard with sending sexy snaps and it was easy for him to jerk off to me whenever he wanted..

        I thought he was a good guy because we've been friends for so long and he's been one of the most caring and respectful guys to me that I know.. but I guess this experience has changed my mind and we're probably just not the same as we used to be.


        • #5
          Stop everything you've been doing with him and stop deluding yourself. You don't even live in the same state anymore so just how far could this "thing" you have go? You are crushing on him and you're therefore stagnating yourself from finding a guy that wants more of you then masturbation material. You'll never find a good guy that wants it all with you as long as you're heart and thoughts are tied up with Mr. Jerkoff who lives in another state. Don't waste anymore of your time or pics on him. And: For your sake I hope you didn't include your face in those pics because for all you know, he's spread them all over the internet for other jerk-aholics to rub one out to.

          You can do better then what you are carrying on with him.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


          • #6
            If he truly cares and loves you, he would show his commitment to you yet he does not. That should tell you everything. He's not good for you nor does he treat you with respect. Time for someone new and BETTER.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


            • #7
              From what I read, that guy just wants one thing and that is s*x. Know your worth, in that way, you'll gonna slowly moving away from that guy. Always put in mind the old saying, you deserve someone better! Once you let go of the wrong person, the better man will find his way to you!


              • #8
                The first time he fondled your ass and kissed your neck was when you were sick in the bathroom? Then made out with you when you were on the verge of passing out ? Which he clearly was aware of!
                A guy that respects you would NOT do that! He even left you there at the party to fend for yourself!
                For goodness sake girl wake up!!
                Any man with respect for you or women in general would have assured you got home safely! Maybe even stay up all night to make sure you don't choke on your own vomit.
                He took advantage of you when you were vulnerable ffs.

                And continues to do so because YOU allow it.

                He has zero respect for you.

                You know him for 3 years. I get that. I don't care how he treated you the first two years. Look at how he has treated you since.
                Why do you think that's ok? And why would you like someone that does that?
                How would you feel if you had a daughter who allowed a man treat her that way?

                You will NEVER have a relationship with this guy because HE is not interested . He does not care for you as a friend or human being.
                You are simply an accessory to fulfill his horny moments. That's it!


                • #9
                  Hi, thank you for the responses guys! I totally agree with everything that everyone is saying and I've just been acting like a damn fool :/ just in denial about it all I guess because I fell so hard for him.. anyway I guess it's not going to happen so yeah.. time to move on and focus on myself instead! thanks again!


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Laylay77 View Post
                    Hi, thank you for the responses guys! I totally agree with everything that everyone is saying and I've just been acting like a damn fool :/ just in denial about it all I guess because I fell so hard for him.. anyway I guess it's not going to happen so yeah.. time to move on and focus on myself instead! thanks again!
                    Glad that you've taken our advices well! Good luck and be a better version of yourself!


                    • #11
                      In my opinion the problem is indirect communication. Men are pretty simple, just tell him what you want and see if he's into it and if he's not then at least you know whats gong on and can move on to what you want. Its not that hard really, just use direct communication.